burninghill
Specialist
- Dec 2, 2025
- 356
Caption, I'm not sure why but there's nothing worse than walking home from a good day out. I walked home alone and drunk tonight (still a bit tipsy sorry for spelling) and all I could think about is that I should just go to the rails and kill myself right now. It makes me feel so sick.
I've been mourning previous versions of myself recently. I commissioned some art of my characters and it just made me sick. They were beautiful, but I miss the version of myself that had passion, the version of myself that knew what she wanted and could actually fucking write something decent. All of my previous writing was deleted via my notes app and it feels like I've lost a part of myself.
I wish I had passion again sometimes but I know no matter how much \i get I'll never be satisfied. I so badly wish that I was dead, I wish I walked into those rails and splattered into a thousand unrecognisable pieces. I wish whoever I was would come back and tell me what I need to do. I used to feel like this before I really attempted suicide last november, this mourning for my art and writing and characters because I know that when I die, they will too and I care about my work more than I care about myself but it isnt enough to save me. I hope that this is a pattern, mourning before I attempt again because this time I know I wont fail. The empowerment i felt last time I tried was insane. I felt confident and in control.
ANyway. yah. walkin g home from a good night out is genuine torture, I want to die so badly it hurts, I hope i spontanesly combust or my ceiing collapses
Again, sorry for spelling, I amd runk and I'm osting the will to correct anything. Pleaese tell me that i can control this feeling, that one day I'll be able to die for real. I just want peace more than anytihing. Anything is better than this. At least I feel something that isnt just dull nothingness. At least im mourning something. I hope the versions of me that exiated before give me the power i need to finally ruin this body. it needs to die.
I've been mourning previous versions of myself recently. I commissioned some art of my characters and it just made me sick. They were beautiful, but I miss the version of myself that had passion, the version of myself that knew what she wanted and could actually fucking write something decent. All of my previous writing was deleted via my notes app and it feels like I've lost a part of myself.
I wish I had passion again sometimes but I know no matter how much \i get I'll never be satisfied. I so badly wish that I was dead, I wish I walked into those rails and splattered into a thousand unrecognisable pieces. I wish whoever I was would come back and tell me what I need to do. I used to feel like this before I really attempted suicide last november, this mourning for my art and writing and characters because I know that when I die, they will too and I care about my work more than I care about myself but it isnt enough to save me. I hope that this is a pattern, mourning before I attempt again because this time I know I wont fail. The empowerment i felt last time I tried was insane. I felt confident and in control.
ANyway. yah. walkin g home from a good night out is genuine torture, I want to die so badly it hurts, I hope i spontanesly combust or my ceiing collapses
Again, sorry for spelling, I amd runk and I'm osting the will to correct anything. Pleaese tell me that i can control this feeling, that one day I'll be able to die for real. I just want peace more than anytihing. Anything is better than this. At least I feel something that isnt just dull nothingness. At least im mourning something. I hope the versions of me that exiated before give me the power i need to finally ruin this body. it needs to die.
