Discussion For weed smokers - Random thoughts when High

[OnMyLast Legs]

Weed has played too large a role in my life. It probably aggravated an underlying tendency to bipolar. My big manic/psychotic episodes were right after I *quit* weed, interestingly. While high I am more skeptical and self-critical, i.e., I see through my own bullshit. I'll be on some right wing/conspiracy/religious kick and weed will tell me: come on, man. Chill.

If I survive, somehow, I'll need a period where I kick caffeine and nicotine. I would want to be high all day for that.

 

[madameviolette]

I wish I could tolerate weed. Envious of people who could chill with it. But just the smell makes me sick somehow

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Why can't we smoke in heaven? Or maybe Smoke a Joint is better?

 

[tiredcatboy]

My vape ironically helps with my chronic nausea/POTS/cfs-ME/autism etc, but god it makes my BPD freak the fuck out if I hit it more than twice. LOL.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Weed probably did a lot to damage my mind. Unless I was always fucked--a strong possibility! Anyway, I've been almost entirely off for a year, since before my last manic episode. I might give it another try to get me through nicotine withdrawal. I'd rather be dead by then, though.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

My vape ironically helps with my chronic nausea/POTS/cfs-ME/autism etc, but god it makes my BPD freak the fuck out if I hit it more than twice. LOL.

Does it help overall if you vape only once or twice?

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Thought of the day. Am I of sane mind contemplating ctb, or is it insanity making we want to ctb? When I'm high, the divide between reality and unreality becomes clearer. Like I can see myself from outside living in what must be unreality, because it is too impossible to be real. Or maybe the weed just takes me away from the unreal nightmare for a while, and makes me wonder how sane I am.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

If they kill or drug us, does it mean we are slaves or experiments? And why do I feel I need to be high, or used to feel that I had to drink all the time to be in a haze? Is it just me thinking humans were not designed for this planet or this life? Since the beginning of time, we've used some form of drug. And very few people I know of do not take some kind of drug or are not on meds. Humans create war, illness and drugs. It's almost a "defect" of humans to kill themselves indirectly, or for some of us directly. Weird species we are, I'm thinking while high.

 

[spacealiens]

Weed makes me too anxious haha great for playing video games or alone time or just with close friends though

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Weed makes me too anxious haha great for playing video games or alone time or just with close friends though

Reminds me, I was high once watching The Matrix again, and it looked to me as if the movie was a video game. Also smoke only alone and used to with my bf. It can make me anxious if I smoke too much, but usually I feel highs and lows like waves. The higher the waves, the lower the falls too

 

[Lost Impact]

I don't really like weed because it usually makes me more paranoid from the schizophrenia, but the other day I had to use a vape to deal with the conference I was having. It went alright for now. I also wasn't mega paranoid or anything like usual. Just sleepy. Watched a lotta old cartoons. I think I just prefer opioids in the end.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I can't stop thinking about how crazy it must have been to be alive during the era where you could easily obtain morphine or barbiturates, and now it's a complete impossibility, the best I can do is weed and this shit won't kill me. Nearly anything potent is restricted so heavily how.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Just another day and high thoughts about shitty memories ... I know now why there is time. Because with memories coming up every year, whether good or bad, they are layered and labelled, intertwined but compartmentalised, and stored in dates and order of importance. The more shit we go through, the more layers there are. With so much weight to carry, we focus on the most important shit to keep it together. When shit keeps on "hitting the fan", a spiral of shit is created and we can only do so much, surviving to keep shit from flying all over, relying only on certain compartments of memories. There will always be the worst of the worst, bad times carried forward every day, shit we need to keep on doing and hold onto, and with the future bringing on new bad shit, the spiral continues until it becomes impossible to carry on with this shit.

So, I smoke to chill and then come up with this shit, to not focus too much on the shit of the day. While irl, finalising affairs with a funeral director and dreaming of a death angel. How bizarre, the collection of shit that make up our lives. And now I have the munchies.

 

[Neowise]

I really like your threat @FadingSnowFake.

I'm not high right now because I feel particularly bad and don't want to associate my precious weed with negative feelings, but I'm drunk today. Next time I smoke I'll try to remember this post and share some thoughts. I always get philosophical when I'm stoned.

It will never get better. No matter how much hope you have or how good you feel. It will never get better.

Just yesterday my boyfriend told me he doesn't want to hear things about suicide or things related to suicide. It makes him worry about me and he doesn't want that stress that comes with it. Well. You are always alone...

My boss loudly yelled at me for something I was kinda proud of yesterday. I thought I finally did some good work and was proud of myself, which is extremely rare, but he yelled at me about how bad it was. This completely broke me. I fear this was the last straw keeping me alive. He told me I only cause problems - especially to him - and that I should stop "whining", I guess he means my depression because I never really whine about my problems otherwise.

I hate life. I think I finally understood the rules of life. It never gets better. You are always alone.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Thank you @Neowise I hope you feel better soon and look forward to hearing some thoughts. The way your boss treated you is just wrong. I can relate to how a boss can make a person feel so meaningless and useless, even when we try our best and it is a good job, but it will never be enough. People like that shouldn't be bosses, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Never is just such a long time you know, for things not to change, or to keep repeating itself. My person also told me what your bf did, a few months ago. Not that I want to share much, but now I pretend this whole world of suicide doesn't exist, while it's become a part of me, every day, all the time. I've never felt this lonely before, and I've been alone for many years.

The rules of life? Life is everything that is wrong. Life itself is just wrong. If life is wrong, we shouldn't be made or forced to live by its rules. But some days, I manage to find some hope in the universe, which should overrule life. My thoughts for the day

Blowing you some smoke filled with love and hope you will have a good chill soon.