was going to post this from beyond the grave, but two consecutive sundays didn't work out. while this probably comes across as more negative than it maybe should, possibly it might help reassure some of the teens and early 20's that they do not have to rush to leave this planet. there is a bus stop on every corner, so they can take their time and not push themselves into something they might not be ready to do. i have wanted to die from the age of 5, and at 57 am still here. with 6 attempts between 13 and 20, i have not once been happy to have survived them but also have had some great times, moments, sights, smells and tastes. just think very carefully about what you really want before throwing your life away at such a young age
now to what was supposed to be posted within the last week
this is my life in music
most people on here, if not all . . . ooops, can i say that?
is there a metric for who likes van halen????
not many will get the references, which are all van halen songs
i am off in my
"neworld". from day one i was a
"little dreamer", always looking at fantasy over reality. was told by my father constantly
"you're no good" started
"primary" school, and realised i was different than most. i thought
"i'm the one" who no one understands, but there are many more like me. i kept my
"secrets" about wanting to die to myself, which was easier than telling people about my
"house of pain". if I had told people about what was going through my head, i would have been labelled a
"5150". if i had opened up to anyone, they would have thought i had the weight of a
"baluchitherium" on my shoulders. it wasn't that bad as such, but i have never wondered
"where have all the good times gone", because even though my life was
"good enough", it was also always
"not enough" in many ways. it has always been difficult to
"get up". it was like i was constantly
"doing time" and
"feelin' " like i didn't belong or want to be any where. the best thing about school was the teenage girls on work experience who made a very young child
"hot for teacher", but otherwise, it was like i was constantly
"running with the devil". high school came and went, but i slept through most of it, so
"dreams" were my biggest memory from those days and then started work. that is when i realised everything
"beats working", but it was a necessary evil. i turned 18 and as soon as i saw my car almost 39 years ago i told her, you're the
"one i want", and thought
"so this is love". i would rather cruise to
"panama" reaching down between my legs, to ease the seat back instead of
"dancing in the street", nor did i ever want to
"dance the night away". while i was much too shy, among other issues, i was lucky enough to spend time with (not enough)
"beautiful girls", and even
"women in love", but sadly without meaning to, i broke her heart. there were some times when i wondered
"could this be magic", but that was usually followed by a sudden
"loss of control", which then felt like being attacked by some
"tora tora", which then led to watching
"dirty movies" and was forced to then
"beat it". yes, i know, but it still works. i have always liked asian girls, so spent a lot of time in
"china town", and then went after a filipina,
"once" i saw her, i thought
"oh pretty woman",
"you really got me", and i just cannot wait to
"feel your love tonight". she gave me an
"eruption" in a certain area which meant there was no need for
"spanish fly" and i became a
"man on a mission". and knew then and there that
"she's the woman" and if I could just
"stay frosty" i could be her
"ice cream man" because she's
"on fire". while i was happy to live then, and thought
"i'll wait" before going ahead with my plans, over the years i became so sick of being given the
"runaround" and being surrounded by
"fools". i know that for the most part
"everybody wants some", but it feels like i am from the mtv generation, feeling neither highs nor lows. well some lows, that mean the highs are not really worth the effort. i have rarely been in a
"cathedral", and if word on the street is true, suicide is part of the
"sinner's swing", but i have given it my all, and if I have to face
"judgement day", and it goes bad for me, the fault will be
"mine all mine". then i came to sanctioned suicide, and met some very sweet people, and also met
"big bad bill", but in reality, billi was neither big or bad. billi was so sweet, brave and inspirational. i made some casual conversations with some on here, but hope they realised from the start, that i
"ain't talking bout love" and just wanted to maybe help them a little. sadly, the common thing to see here, is
"you and your blues". even here, I do not feel like i am on the
"ĂŻnside". at present, i am in one of the most happy moments, i have even been. i am standing on
"top of the world", but going out on a high feels a much better option than to realise in the near future that
"the dream is over". that's when
"push comes to shove". i believe it was inevitible. some snowflakes became a
"dirty water dog" and became my trigger. it is now the correct time, because i found out that I do have some meto. while sn may still be available in the future, in regards to the meto, i
"can't get this stuff no more" i had previously planned to
"hang Ă©m high", and around my 50th, when away on the long weekend, i was hoping to find a suitable place to say "might as well"
"jump", because in australia,
"bullet head" is not a viable option. so now i have
"one foot out the door",
"it's about time" to say
"bottoms up". my phone, and everything else is locked away elsewhere so there should be no chance to say
"somebody get me a doctor". i'm overloaded and can hardly walk, talk or even think. i imagine the person who finds me will wonder if i am
"d.o.a." dead or alive, but it should be patently obvious i would think. so
"right now", i bid you all farewell, and wish you all
"happy trails", hopefully, now i will be
"unchained" from this existence. i am hoping the
"aftershock" is not that bad. if I get cremated I hope they scatter my ashes over the whitten oval where everyone had to
"respect the wind" and while I won't, everyone left will continue to be
"humans being"
now to what was supposed to be posted within the last week
this is my life in music
most people on here, if not all . . . ooops, can i say that?
is there a metric for who likes van halen????
not many will get the references, which are all van halen songs
i am off in my
"neworld". from day one i was a
"little dreamer", always looking at fantasy over reality. was told by my father constantly
"you're no good" started
"primary" school, and realised i was different than most. i thought
"i'm the one" who no one understands, but there are many more like me. i kept my
"secrets" about wanting to die to myself, which was easier than telling people about my
"house of pain". if I had told people about what was going through my head, i would have been labelled a
"5150". if i had opened up to anyone, they would have thought i had the weight of a
"baluchitherium" on my shoulders. it wasn't that bad as such, but i have never wondered
"where have all the good times gone", because even though my life was
"good enough", it was also always
"not enough" in many ways. it has always been difficult to
"get up". it was like i was constantly
"doing time" and
"feelin' " like i didn't belong or want to be any where. the best thing about school was the teenage girls on work experience who made a very young child
"hot for teacher", but otherwise, it was like i was constantly
"running with the devil". high school came and went, but i slept through most of it, so
"dreams" were my biggest memory from those days and then started work. that is when i realised everything
"beats working", but it was a necessary evil. i turned 18 and as soon as i saw my car almost 39 years ago i told her, you're the
"one i want", and thought
"so this is love". i would rather cruise to
"panama" reaching down between my legs, to ease the seat back instead of
"dancing in the street", nor did i ever want to
"dance the night away". while i was much too shy, among other issues, i was lucky enough to spend time with (not enough)
"beautiful girls", and even
"women in love", but sadly without meaning to, i broke her heart. there were some times when i wondered
"could this be magic", but that was usually followed by a sudden
"loss of control", which then felt like being attacked by some
"tora tora", which then led to watching
"dirty movies" and was forced to then
"beat it". yes, i know, but it still works. i have always liked asian girls, so spent a lot of time in
"china town", and then went after a filipina,
"once" i saw her, i thought
"oh pretty woman",
"you really got me", and i just cannot wait to
"feel your love tonight". she gave me an
"eruption" in a certain area which meant there was no need for
"spanish fly" and i became a
"man on a mission". and knew then and there that
"she's the woman" and if I could just
"stay frosty" i could be her
"ice cream man" because she's
"on fire". while i was happy to live then, and thought
"i'll wait" before going ahead with my plans, over the years i became so sick of being given the
"runaround" and being surrounded by
"fools". i know that for the most part
"everybody wants some", but it feels like i am from the mtv generation, feeling neither highs nor lows. well some lows, that mean the highs are not really worth the effort. i have rarely been in a
"cathedral", and if word on the street is true, suicide is part of the
"sinner's swing", but i have given it my all, and if I have to face
"judgement day", and it goes bad for me, the fault will be
"mine all mine". then i came to sanctioned suicide, and met some very sweet people, and also met
"big bad bill", but in reality, billi was neither big or bad. billi was so sweet, brave and inspirational. i made some casual conversations with some on here, but hope they realised from the start, that i
"ain't talking bout love" and just wanted to maybe help them a little. sadly, the common thing to see here, is
"you and your blues". even here, I do not feel like i am on the
"ĂŻnside". at present, i am in one of the most happy moments, i have even been. i am standing on
"top of the world", but going out on a high feels a much better option than to realise in the near future that
"the dream is over". that's when
"push comes to shove". i believe it was inevitible. some snowflakes became a
"dirty water dog" and became my trigger. it is now the correct time, because i found out that I do have some meto. while sn may still be available in the future, in regards to the meto, i
"can't get this stuff no more" i had previously planned to
"hang Ă©m high", and around my 50th, when away on the long weekend, i was hoping to find a suitable place to say "might as well"
"jump", because in australia,
"bullet head" is not a viable option. so now i have
"one foot out the door",
"it's about time" to say
"bottoms up". my phone, and everything else is locked away elsewhere so there should be no chance to say
"somebody get me a doctor". i'm overloaded and can hardly walk, talk or even think. i imagine the person who finds me will wonder if i am
"d.o.a." dead or alive, but it should be patently obvious i would think. so
"right now", i bid you all farewell, and wish you all
"happy trails", hopefully, now i will be
"unchained" from this existence. i am hoping the
"aftershock" is not that bad. if I get cremated I hope they scatter my ashes over the whitten oval where everyone had to
"respect the wind" and while I won't, everyone left will continue to be
"humans being"
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