Finally

[JKAC]

For over a year I have been struggling with horrible depression after a bad break up in an extremely codependent relationship. I have contemplated many things, but I can finally say I have a solid plan. Im getting my ID next week to be able to purchase something I need that will give me a 100% success rate at making sure I won't have to deal with living in my own head anymore. I have spiraled too far and I dont know how else to cope. I have tried therapy and being closer to the family that I have left. I sit here every day with no one to talk to, no one that understands how I'm feeling and no one that cares to take the time to give me a call or shoot me a text. Maybe it will be better once I'm gone? I know one thing is for sure, I won't have to deal with my deep depression any longer. I had so many hopes for my future it doesn't make sense how I even got to this point.

I wanted to make a post because I dont know where else to share how Im feeling and what my plans are without being ridiculed. I know that once I'm gone it will be one less issue someone has to worry about. I want this to be more of a keepsake and a place to write my final thoughts.

Wishing everyone well.

 

[TitianCashew26]

What was your life like before the depression?

 

[injuredbongos]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. The isolation and disconnection of depression is so hard to cope with and have others understand in a way we need to. I personally have only been able to find that here. People close to me just don't get it. You're 100% in the right place to share the thoughts and feelings you are experiencing. CTB sounds like the perfect way to finally get some relief, but you deserve dignity after all you've been through. Please think carefully of your plans and take the necessary precautions before you finalize anything.

Please know that you can always message me/anyone here pretty much for any company or advice. Thank you for sharing

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you've suffered a lot, it's so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I wish you the best, I hope that you find the relief you search for.

 

[SVEN]

Best wishes.

 

[JKAC]

What was your life like before the depression?

It was everything that I had hoped for, a beautiful girlfriend, precious animals, a great job, a nice cozy home, etc. I now sit alone in my old room at my parents house that I haven't been to in over a decade. I lost everything I had just for another man to take over where I left off and continue the family that I(we) made together. Its heartbreaking to say the least, I can barely sleep, I've lost over 20lbs in the past year, I have no friends, for some reason im socially awkward. I used to have a therapist but was offered to call a sui help line instead. Im tired of being told that im a lucky guy for not sticking around when all I wanted was to have the love of my life with me by my side for the rest of it.

I made my appointment this week to aquire an ID so I can legally purchase what I need to make sure I stop this voice in my head. I dont want to harm others I only want to stop living this hell that I call my life.