Help fear and guilt that i can't get better

[iwkmsssb]

i've been pretty vocal regarding my mental health these days with the people around me. although not to it's entirety, those close to me know that i'm especially struggling right now. friends care but only surface level, life is busy for everyone so i don't blame them. i've been going to my uni's counseling services to help but to no avail. i dont feel like i'm improving and if anything, i've been sh more to cope. my mother has been really worried and shes arranged me to go see a psychologist for some talk therapy, i can't even get meds from them. i'm hoping that they deem me mentally ill enough to get referred to a psychiatrist. i've seen one in the past during my teen years and got prescribed anti-depressants but my mom withheld them from me because i was a minor and i'm assuming she doesn't like the idea of me relying on them for the rest of my life.

i can't really do anything on my own in regards to seeking help, i'm studying in another country so i'm heavily financially dependent on my parents. and i'm also really depressed and i haven't been taking care of myself in general, can't do anything at all. my mom had to fly over because it got pretty bad so she'll be here for a while to help me get back on my feet, but i'm scared i never will. i've been trying small steps to improve but it's been weeks and i feel myself slipping and getting worse. i feel so much guilt that i promised to get better yet i've been researching sn protocols as a back up plan. it really hurts to be alive right now. i know healing isn't linear but i'm really tired.

 

[CC123]

Find a way to get and use some meds