drinking my sn. this is goodbye.

[hypoxiaated]

i didn't arrive here in a moment of drama but by attrition. life stopped responding. effort went unanswered. care produced nothing but suspicion. every time i tried to survive honestly, it was reframed as misconduct; every goodbye treated as manipulation. i wasn't asking to be rescued, only for proof that staying alive still meant something, and none ever showed up. people moralised, disciplined, threatened, or disappeared. love came conditional, empathy came policed, silence came easiest. i could have chased justice, had the evidence, but grew tired of starring in other people's righteousness. this isn't rage or spectacle. it's exit. i loved anyway, stupidly, because love to me is just deciding to look after someone, and that turned out to be unsustainable.

so this is a note, i guess. it's a record of what happens when meaning collapses and endurance finally stops pretending it's enough.

going to ctb in the morning with my sn. already on the meto diet. got a strip of xanax and lorazepam to soothe my nerves. i hope to god this works.

 

[kitee80]

I wish you well in your journey

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Godspeed.

 

[eternalpace]

I hope you find peace.

 

[Wishingforadream]

Wishing you well!

 

[nendn]

Love and blessings

 

[fadedghost]

i didn't arrive here in a moment of drama but by attrition. life stopped responding. effort went unanswered. care produced nothing but suspicion. every time i tried to survive honestly, it was reframed as misconduct; every goodbye treated as manipulation. i wasn't asking to be rescued, only for proof that staying alive still meant something, and none ever showed up. people moralised, disciplined, threatened, or disappeared. love came conditional, empathy came policed, silence came easiest. i could have chased justice, had the evidence, but grew tired of starring in other people's righteousness. this isn't rage or spectacle. it's exit. i loved anyway, stupidly, because love to me is just deciding to look after someone, and that turned out to be unsustainable.

so this is a note, i guess. it's a record of what happens when meaning collapses and endurance finally stops pretending it's enough.

going to ctb in the morning with my sn. already on the meto diet. got a strip of xanax and lorazepam to soothe my nerves. i hope to god this works.

i'm so sorry for what you have experienced. you can always change your mind and not do it tomorrow if you want. wish i knew what to say to make it hurt less.

 

[RunDown]

It's a sad world when being empathetic is heavily scrutinized. Good people are hard to find and this is why no one trusts genuinely good acts anymore. They believe there must be ulterior motives. I understand your exhaustion. Whatever you decide I wish you peace.

 

[Ch4in3dcr0w]

wishing you peace

 

[dalemar]

Sending love, I hope your are no longer suffering!