Discussion Are you scared to turn a certain age?

[Suidice]

I'm turning a "milestone" age and I'm kind of scared, i was supposed to commit suicide a day before my birthday and that's how the plan was for many months, but my birthday is in less than a month and I've realized i might not be able to do it in time.

 

[avalon_]

Yes, 30. I was already intent on killing myself before I reached the age of 21 and now I'm in my mid 20s. I will never forgive myself if I somehow make it to 30, but as it stands that seems highly unlikely.

 

[BrainSplatter]

Not a certain age but just every birthday it's like a reminder how much of a failure I am that I'm still alive I made promises to myself that I'd be dead by 18 then it was 21 and then 25 but yet I'm still here. I didn't plan on living this long and it scares me that I haven't CTB yet it haunts me imagining myself when I'm older still in pain and suffering.

 

[Leonard_Bangley39]

im more sad and disappointed that i wont get to reach an old age and have a pleasant future.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I dont want to live past 40 years due to my health issues who will worsen with age.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Age 20 - I quit my sport. This was really my calling and way to embody excellence.
Age 21 - drop out of college as senior. Thought of suicide arrives Super Bowl Sunday. Start smoking weed a lot
Age 22-23 - struggling, parents supporting, alarm bells ringing
Age 23-29 - at least I could do menial work. Telling myself optimistic stories, I will get it together
Age 29 - quit weed, get psychosis
Age 30 - move home. Dismayed at being a manchild
Age 30-35 - work hobby-job part time, coaching the sport. Optimistic delusions carry me, and weed
Age 35-36 - more psychosis, overjoyed at "finding God," it wears off, suicidal feelings become overwhelming

I am a broke child approaching middle age. I was a "gifted" kid, a state champion athlete, handsome, everything looked good...but something in my mind was bad bad bad

 

[Artemus]

Age 20 - I quit my sport. This was really my calling and way to embody excellence.
Age 21 - drop out of college as senior. Thought of suicide arrives Super Bowl Sunday. Start smoking weed a lot
Age 22-23 - struggling, parents supporting, alarm bells ringing
Age 23-29 - at least I could do menial work. Telling myself optimistic stories, I will get it together
Age 29 - quit weed, get psychosis
Age 30 - move home. Dismayed at being a manchild
Age 30-35 - work hobby-job part time, coaching the sport. Optimistic delusions carry me, and weed
Age 35-36 - more psychosis, overjoyed at "finding God," it wears off, suicidal feelings become overwhelming

I am a broke child approaching middle age. I was a "gifted" kid, a state champion athlete, handsome, everything looked good...but something in my mind was bad bad bad

I relate to this alot. Something in my brain just broke when I was put under alot of stress when I was depressed.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

I relate to this alot. Something in my brain just broke when I was put under alot of stress when I was depressed.

It's so painful because I just know I'm supposed to be this high functioning successful person. Or at least I could have been. I was always way ahead of the class as a kid. I feel like I've squandered so much.

On the other hand picking the right answer is different from having good thoughts of your own. My collected works (papers, online posts, texts) are vomitous. Something was always off.

I think my teen years were prodromal and I have a psychotic disorder. Which is what the doctors say, basically. I just want this awareness of my wretched self to stop.

 

[android]

Not me. I think age is more important for women, because society places a lot of value on their reproductive prime.

 

[cait_sith]

40

 

[Spite]

Scared to turn 30. I'm still two and a half years away from that, but it is something I have becoming increasingly anxious over lately.

 

[Suspect_Device]

I didn't even think about age until I turned 37, for some reason that specific number made me feel old as shit. I wasn't wrong, health problems went from 0 to 100 right around age 39.

 

[Artemus]

It's so painful because I just know I'm supposed to be this high functioning successful person. Or at least I could have been. I was always way ahead of the class as a kid. I feel like I've squandered so much.

On the other hand picking the right answer is different from having good thoughts of your own. My collected works (papers, online posts, texts) are vomitous. Something was always off.

I think my teen years were prodromal and I have a psychotic disorder. Which is what the doctors say, basically. I just want this awareness of my wretched self to stop.

My psychosis started when I was about to be 19, I think my childhood and my teen years together were accumulated with so much trauma and one big traumatic event when I was about to be 19 unleashed my psychosis. I also feel pain knowing that I was so near the road to be a successful person before my psychosis took over in full force and destroyed me.

 

[Sadbanana]

I'm scared of every age. Everytime I have a birthday and turn one year older I feel like I want to cry.

 

[Forveleth]

Nope. Life changes as you age but that is the consequence of being alive. No use fearing something I can not control nor prevent. Now, did I necessarily want to live this long? No. But my feelings towards my age are akin towards annoyance rather than fear.

 

[EmptyBottle]

For me, it's not about age, but concern of the rare chance that SHTF (not the doomsday SHTF but the personal type... a cosmic doomsday does sound cool tho).

Hopefully there will be no SHTF and future one way bus boarding for me.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I really didn't like turning 40, but mentally and physically I was okay, and people thought I looked in my late 20s/early 30s. Up until 44 (covid time) I was still physically healthy and then got really ill (mainly due to alcohol abuse) and nearly didn't make it to 48. Through the physical drama I was strong mentally and got healthy enough again with exercise and diet. I also quit drinking almost two years ago and the liver is just about back to normal today. But the mental hit last year at age 49 took its toll, making this the worst year of my life so far. I thought about ctb before my 50th last month but, as the day came, it didn't feel right. For me what is scarier than every birthday from now, is the thought of another mental hit any day. But for this I am prepared with SN. Which age are you referring to, if you don't mind sharing?

 

[woodlandcreature]

Yeah, but that age was 16. Past that now. I was right to be scared.

 

[kopebaldy]

I'm scared of waking up tomorrow.

 

[littlecutecorpse]

well, i never wanted to reach legal adult age in the first place. but unfortunately here i am, about to turn 19 thanks to parents and mental health "professionals" who've kept me alive. i'll let my birthday pass by this year, but after that i've gotta ctb before 20. turning 20 sounds even scarier than 18 does now...

 

[torturedmind]

Literally any age beyond the one I currently am. Maybe if I was evolving as an independent adult instead of staying in the exact same place and having no goals or intention of changing my current situation. Maybe then I would feel better about getting older. Instead all I feel is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness, guilt and despair for letting things get to this point.