anyone else miss the person they used to be

[copioushopelessness]

I had a psychotic break from reality last year that made me a felon
I would do anything to be who I was before March 2025

Yep. Seems like March of last year was the time to have psychosis. What a hellish year.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah. I've always had vices, but I used to have virtues. I was a bright kid and could have become anything. Instead I became a delusional narcissist who did nothing with his time. I lived a failed life. Every failure so far I coped with by dreaming of a bright future. I can't cope anymore.

"Here lies [OMLL]. He was born, he sucked, he died."

 

[aesthetic]

i have always been the person i am today.

 

[socksnsandles]

i died 6 years ago. my body will die soon.

 

[fadedghost]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

I am not a pro-lifer but really hope you wait at least a year before even considering any attempting...

This sounds like depression plus a breakup making depression worse, it may not be like this in a year...

I often hate psychiatry and mental health workers and feel like they overcharge and exploit people, but I feel like with you, if you had someone good to help and maybe a year's time, your situation could improve...

I also feel like some people on SaSu, those that have chronic pain or treatment resistant depression or severe medical problems, are understandably depressed and want to die, while some people are depressed and have a decent chance of getting better and I worry about them rushing into things. I don't know if you have treatment resistant depression, but this sounds like it's newly worse (with the breakup) and sometimes it takes 6 months to feel slightly decent after something like that.

Not trying to gatekeep and perhaps somehow it will change.

I personally miss not having medical issues and miss not being angry all the time and not having a brain so traumatized I'm constantly scanning rooms for threats even when I'm alone.

 

[iveseenfootage]

I don't think I've ever been anything but what I am now tbh.

 

[castlebravo]

I've always been depressed. And had suicidal thoughts. I'd go back to that time if I could. I miss my 30 year old self - before this disease I have started fucking up my central nervous system. Now I think of killing myself so I can avoid being in a wheelchair.