anyone else miss the person they used to be

[takuyangel]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

 

[CuckoosInvisible]

No. Sometimes I fantasize about abusing my younger self. I don't know why I harbor so much hate for them, but I do.

 

[dubstep_penguin]

Yes. I wish I was normal. I wish i didnt idolize the people i do, i wish i was still healthy and active and happy. it all sucks.

 

[rigsid]

My condition has slowly deteriorated so absolutely. I completely relate.

If you need someone to talk to about it feel free to DM me <3

 

[DownwardSpiral]

No, I've always been pathetic. I had moments of happiness and sure I miss that, but it was all an illusion and I was just blissfully unaware that I was headed down a dead end.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

No. Sometimes I fantasize about abusing my younger self. I don't know why I harbor so much hate for them, but I do.

This is my answer as well.

The person I was in the past was stupid, annoying, and ignorant, and everything bad that happened was my own fault. Maybe if I had more guidance I wouldn't have turned out so poorly, but others have received less guidance and turned out fine so clearly it was my fault somehow. I remember fantasizing about protecting my younger self, now I just want to punish them.

 

[ThePollinator]

There is no younger self I wish to be. All I remember is me feeling the way that I feel now. I was never a good human being capable of great things. I've always been awful.

 

[TiredMouse]

I used to have a much better mind than I do now. Miss that.

 

[soributton]

I used to actually care about things back then. Now I can't see a single reason to look forward to another day.

 

[Hollowman]

Not so much anymore because I'm too far gone. When I was younger it was torturous mourning the death of myself. When I was 16 my identity got wiped from a mix of legal/illegal drugs. I should've ended myself then.

 

[Lostforgood]

I do. It tears my heart open.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes and no. I would never want to be the person I've been. Could never lead the same stupid life. But every moment is stress now. I miss just living each day. Just being in the moment. Now I just want this all to end and it just won't.

 

[Karrikin]

No, they are the reason I'm here anyways.

 

[Justachillguy]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

Ditto, homie. A few months back my supervisor at work asked me how close I was to getting my pilots license; I had to lie to him and say "just a few more hours" because he genuinely cares about my dreams and I didn't have the heart to tell him that dream is dead, along with the rest of them. Losing all of those hopes and dreams just makes me feel so directionless in life that I only view death as a reasonable option. And the sucky part is I can't really tell anyone. Here in the United States, simply having one conversation with a therapist/counselor could get you barred from being a pilot. So I'm in a catch-22 of sorts: keep living like this until I die, or tell someone and risk getting grounded and not being able to pursue my now-dead dreams and ambitions.

 

[Sans]

That was many, many years ago

But yes, I do miss that past me.

 

[Pluto]

 

[R-7]

Very much so.

I was depressed but I thought I was improving. For a while I even liked myself.

When depression got worse again all of that just left and I don't know who I am anymore though I guess that's the result of there being more void left than there is 'me'.

 

[kk13]

I wasn't particularly happy before but at least i had dreams that i looked forward to. Now im just a ghost.

 

[LigottiIsRight]

I definitely miss the way I functioned until late 2020. That's the point when the obsessions that currently dominate my life started. Fortunately, I've come to terms with the fact that I can't go back to that state, which is a good thing because facilitates the decision of ctb instead of accumulating years of useless longing and misery.

 

[TwistedNightmares]

Sometimes I do. Other times I couldn't care less.

 

[Forever Sleep]

In as much as I wish I had my motivation and basic level of fitness back. In some ways, it was easier to live and work back then. But then- with that former self would accompany so much anxiety about my job, so much fear and sense of failure. It's nice to live with less of those aspects.

 

[krsm98]

i miss them, they were able to move forward, they were improving and trying their best. They were honestly someone i admired even if at the time i never saw it. It was nice, despite being depressed they were still able to overcome their struggles and were kind.
Now i am a shell of that person, a failure incarnate that messed up everything and ruined it all, burning it to ashes, now all i deserve is to die, there is no reason i should be forgiven, or a reason why i should still live. The suffering of everyday life has become so unbearable that i cant even think straight anymore or enjoy anything. Maybe before they would have loved to learn something new or discover, now all i can do is burn in hell where i fkn belong...
so yeah, i miss them, they were great, unlike the being i became rn

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

I miss who I was before experiencing certain trauma and developing my chronic pain ailment so freaking much.

 

[Fadenself00]

Not so much anymore because I'm too far gone. When I was younger it was torturous mourning the death of myself. When I was 16 my identity got wiped from a mix of legal/illegal drugs. I should've ended myself then.

substance related brain damage is so incredibly unrecognized, it's madness.. Worst kind of substance damage from a recognition point of view are the kind you can get from (psych) pharmaceuticals

 

[houseofleaves]

What i mourn is the loss of future. I had desires, i was driven. Now i see nothing ahead and i cannot bring myself to care about achieving anything. I don't know why I live. To eat, shit, and crawl to bed, it seems.

 

[SarahThrowsGin]

Yes, I miss my pre-pandemic self. Although, I guess, there is no way it could survive that morbid strangulation imposed worldwide. I guess I should call myself lucky to survive in any form at all. But I really don't see a path forward from where I am now. I have no more friends, no more hobbies, no more will to improve anything. And no one to relate to, as well.

 

[inconclusivesorbet]

I had a psychotic break from reality last year that made me a felon
I would do anything to be who I was before March 2025

 

[truehappiness]

Yep
2017 me was probably the happiest I ever used to be.
I managed to trick myself into thinking suicidal thoughts and depression are not real and that somehow worked well enough that I could actually have a loving girlfriend.
Had her for 2 1/2 years before I inevitably blew it up

I have regret and melancholy to this day over this situation. Man would I give a lot to reset that

 

[madwoman]

So much. I grieve for myself who had hope and who felt pretty good about themselves and who had more energy and wanted things out of life. All of that is gone and only getting worse. I'm really sad after all I've been through, this is how my life turned out and I hate myself so much.

 

[Thorfinn]

it's like everyday i'm forced to recall and mourn a past version of myself. all the hobbies i used to have, motivation for getting outside, confidence in myself, and all the comfort and stability i held in my mind. i get that change is inevitable, but it makes me sad. i just don't know where it all went. i feel so boring now, i can barely hold a conversation, and everything i do and say to other people is just so forced, something so obviously ingenuine and squeezed out of a memory of who i recall i'm supposed to be just enough to come off as socially acceptable. and it's so apparent, it just prevents me from getting close to other people. god i hate myself. i don't have any friends now, i lost so many in the last year, but i completely get it. i probably wouldn't wanna be friends with me either.

my last relationship ended about a month ago and all i can remember is how many times near the end i would literally apologize to her for being the version of myself that i was. and how much better it would've been if they had knew me some months earlier. there's no profound meaning in it. it's just all gone. i don't know how to get it back. i'm scared, i don;t think i ever will.

It has to be very frustrating to remember and not be that person anymore.