An honest update

[ravendrops]

I've mentioned before that I've had previous suicide attempts, including partial hanging and a prolonged water fast. I'm not posting this to alarm anyone, but because I'm struggling and I need support.

I'm 42 years old, a visibly trans woman, and I'm facing homelessness beginning this weekend. I have a master's degree, but I also live with severe CPTSD and ongoing psychotic symptoms that can significantly impair my executive functioning and ability to navigate daily life.

Most days feel like a fight just to stay organized, hopeful, and connected to reality. The combination of trauma, mental illness, financial instability, and the prospect of homelessness has left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated.

I'm sharing this because I don't want to carry it alone. I don't necessarily need solutions; I think I need people to know what's happening and to remind me that I'm still part of a community. If you have encouragement, practical advice, resources, or simply a kind word, I would appreciate it.

 

[timf]

Th fact that you have hung in this long is a testimony to skills you have already acquired. Reflecting on that during times of difficult can give a sustaining boost.

As far as logistics go sometimes church secretaries know of resources that might be available. Sometimes walking into a police station with no crime to report can make them so grateful that you can find someone who can also inform you of services that are available of which you might be unaware.

 

[JoeFailure]

I've mentioned before that I've had previous suicide attempts, including partial hanging and a prolonged water fast. I'm not posting this to alarm anyone, but because I'm struggling and I need support.

I'm 42 years old, a visibly trans woman, and I'm facing homelessness beginning this weekend. I have a master's degree, but I also live with severe CPTSD and ongoing psychotic symptoms that can significantly impair my executive functioning and ability to navigate daily life.

Most days feel like a fight just to stay organized, hopeful, and connected to reality. The combination of trauma, mental illness, financial instability, and the prospect of homelessness has left me feeling overwhelmed and isolated.

I'm sharing this because I don't want to carry it alone. I don't necessarily need solutions; I think I need people to know what's happening and to remind me that I'm still part of a community. If you have encouragement, practical advice, resources, or simply a kind word, I would appreciate it.

Hi,

I know I did message you before but just wanted to ask what you have a Master's in? I know you mentioned how it can impair executive functioning but that's an awesome thing to have that can potentially help get you on your feet.

 

[ravendrops]

Hi,

I know I did message you before but just wanted to ask what you have a Master's in? I know you mentioned how it can impair executive functioning but that's an awesome thing to have that can potentially help get you on your feet.

It won't help me. It's a "masters of divinity" which is a professional degree for pastors. It can also be a stepping stone to post-graduate (i.e. doctoral) research. I had a psychological breakdown, lost my family, and started transitioning so pastoring is out. (I don't think I should be anyway.) And my doctoral proposal is outside the box enough to be a joke like the rest of my life.

 

[Nothing.]

For what it's worth, I am glad you are still here. I am sorry that you are in so much pain.

 

[whywere]

Sending you hugs, love and the knowledge that you are a loving, caring and vibrant person.

It takes a lot of strength daily and I am SO VERY happy to have you as a good friend, and I wish with all my heart that your pain goes down and that a beautiful sunrise is in your future.

YOU ARE family here, always.

Walter

 

[JoeFailure]

It won't help me. It's a "masters of divinity" which is a professional degree for pastors. It can also be a stepping stone to post-graduate (i.e. doctoral) research. I had a psychological breakdown, lost my family, and started transitioning so pastoring is out. (I don't think I should be anyway.) And my doctoral proposal is outside the box enough to be a joke like the rest of my life.

There are progressive churches that could hire you for different jobs, and I've seen through job searches there are non-pastoral roles for that Masters. But I understand if that's just not a route you'd want to go anymore,