Venting After relapsing into hope, I am now in complete and utterly crushing despair

[Tellurian120]

I planned to end my life in March of this year, however I ended up seriously thinking it through and realized there was perhaps still a very small - but not zero - chance that life could measurably improve. Well, now it's late May and I am in a complete quagmire of despair and hopelessness. I'm not going to ramble on about my life problems but my life truly is pathetic. I'm 24 and I know for a fact I will never get a good-paying or respectable job, will never start a family, or find any long-lasting or permanent source of happiness. And I live in the UK so I can't even purchase SN for a somewhat peaceful end because it will inevitably give me a talking-to with the police, so that's left me with a bunch of painful or inconvenient ways for me to finally exit this mortal coil once and for all. I completely hate my life and my existence and I just want to finally pluck up the courage to kill myself and perhaps finally find some peace.

 

[WallTermite]

I relate to this.

 

[Autumn Blaze]

Can relate to this heavily, it's super hard, and a lot of the time I'm sick of the holding out and the pendulum swing between "it's so over" and "we're so back." Wish I could just CTB and finally do it but I can never seem to find some peace ever and it is so, so hellish and awful.

 

[Aphid]

Can relate to this heavily, it's super hard, and a lot of the time I'm sick of the holding out and the pendulum swing between "it's so over" and "we're so back." Wish I could just CTB and finally do it but I can never seem to find some peace ever and it is so, so hellish and awful.

Completely understand this, it's so hard, gets good and then bad and then good and then bad, ugh, im sorry