A girlfriend would save me

[iheartethanpage]

I honestly feel that if I had someone who I could hold at the end of the day I wouldn't be suicidal. I realize that I sound like a total loser incel (which I am) saying this, but in no way am I saying I deserve a girlfriend. I'm a total loser with no good qualities. But if I'm honest I wouldn't feel this way if I could just talk to or hug someone. My friends often tell me I should go talk to someone but they don't get it. I can't. I'm an ND loser bitch who gets teary talking to strangers because it's so unbelievably uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[returntothestars]

As someone who is severely socially anxious and borderline agoraphobic at this point, I can completely understand not being able to 'just go talk' to someone. Especially when that someone can be considered a random stranger. With that being said, even in my last serious relationship I still struggled with chronic (and persistent) suicidal ideation.

 

[Kokonoe]

typically i feel like i would agree with your statement. i feel completely unlovable, too, and i also acknowledge that i am just not deserving of love. no one should ever deserve to settle for someone like me. i thought just having someone to share my life with would make it all worth living, though.
and while i'm not currently in a relationship, i now have someone i've been talking to who prioritizes me and spends almost all their time with me. i never once thought i would ever experience companionship like this. but i still want to die. i still am hurt by all the same things. i'm still miserable. life still isn't worth it. maybe it's not the same because it's not the same as love and a real relationship. but the main thing i wanted from a relationship is to rarely have to be alone anymore and to have someone to come home to. and now that i sort of have that, i realize it doesn't change much.
i guess that's a really long winded way of saying i don't think it gets better. im sorry.

 

[SASU-KE]

typically i feel like i would agree with your statement. i feel completely unlovable, too, and i also acknowledge that i am just not deserving of love. no one should ever deserve to settle for someone like me. i thought just having someone to share my life with would make it all worth living, though.
and while i'm not currently in a relationship, i now have someone i've been talking to who prioritizes me and spends almost all their time with me. i never once thought i would ever experience companionship like this. but i still want to die. i still am hurt by all the same things. i'm still miserable. life still isn't worth it. maybe it's not the same because it's not the same as love and a real relationship. but the main thing i wanted from a relationship is to rarely have to be alone anymore and to have someone to come home to. and now that i sort of have that, i realize it doesn't change much.
i guess that's a really long winded way of saying i don't think it gets better. im sorry.

Sadly, sometimes this is the case. You think something will help you, but it actually does nothing. You'll only find out after the fact.

 

[Dark Moon]

I don't know if having a girlfriend would save me but it would help my mental state a lot. I sometimes think I'm not good enough to have someone.

 

[darksouls]

my ex-boyfriends treated me like garbage,
I am already done,
so no one would save me

 

[AltercatingVoices]

The grass is always greener on the other side. "If only I had x, or had met y, or experienced z". As is the case for everything you'll always adjust to your new circumstance and desire something else, or worse come to see that what you wanted is entirely flawed and nowhere near as good as everyone else seems to make it out to be

 

[burninghill]

I used to think that I would be saved if I got a boyfriend. I'm no better now that I've gotten what I want. It's nice to have a support system, but I really don't feel much better.

 

[like-spoiledmilk]

I guess for me it didn't make it better.

I'm just constantly getting dumped for being negative, crazy, etc. The only things I've have partners say positively is sexual/physical. The heat at night is nice. It's worse to alway wake up to them touching you because you're better when you're asleep.

I can't help but feel like I'd be better dead, then. I'm miserable, and the only time I don't make others miserable is when I'm unconscious or masking.

 

[iwkmsssb]

i used to have someone and they truly were my person and my sole support system. but it was only a matter of time until they leave because you're too much, because you're a loner and they're not, or they're tired of dealing with you and your mental health and the carrying the whole relationship. no matter how much they say they love you, people can leave just like that. but i'm not blaming them because i'm just as flawed.

all of my fears of abandonment came true and proved my point that everyone will leave, that i am that hard to love, that i wasn't worth fighting for, that i'm exhausting to keep around. all the thoughts i desperately tried to hide away behind love and intimacy came back up no matter how much time passed no matter how much effort i put in to keep it together. no one will save you and i wont put that much trust and vulnerability in another person again. save yourself the debilitating pain of being left behind like you were nothing.

 

[Thanatos.br]

while i dont think it would save me, probably would make my existence less miserable

 

[aidic]

It wont, unless you meet someone who has the same attachment style and needs that you do. I'm living proof. I wish I could leave my partner who is the total opposite of affectionate but I'm trapped.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I know that this thread is not a laughing matter, but today when i woke up the first thing my eyes looked at was this thread and my half-awaken brain instead of reading it "A girlfiend will save me" I misread it as "A garfield will save me"

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I'm a 57f. Had a few LTR's in my life and 1 marriage. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you are still left with yourself. If you don't have self love and confidence you will be back to square one looking for the next best thing. Romantic relationships are fleeting at best. At least that has been my experience. Have you tried therapy? It hurts my heart to hear you say you are a total loser. What are you basing this on?

 

[bodys_prisoner]

Am I missing something?
The topic: about a guy who would find salvation if he had a girlfriend.
Meanwhile: girls in the replies are writing about how bad their relationships are because they chose shitty partners.
Ladies, it seems to me that you're not helping much in this thread.

 

[xhersekk]

Ladies, it seems to me that you're not helping much in this thread.

What do you expect

 

[stepanch1k]

Nothing makes me wanna rope more, than hearing about people's sexual relationships. The most devastating thing to hear for an "incel". Opened this thread thinking that it would be lonely guys agreeing with him, only to stumble upon ropefuel. Brutal stuff.

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

I honestly feel that if I had someone who I could hold at the end of the day I wouldn't be suicidal. I realize that I sound like a total loser incel (which I am) saying this, but in no way am I saying I deserve a girlfriend. I'm a total loser with no good qualities. But if I'm honest I wouldn't feel this way if I could just talk to or hug someone. My friends often tell me I should go talk to someone but they don't get it. I can't. I'm an ND loser bitch who gets teary talking to strangers because it's so unbelievably uncomfortable. Does anyone else feel this way?

i think at the end of the day more guys end up dead cuz of girls than being saved by em

 

[whitetaildeer]

Me fucking too. I'm drunk off of my ass and I just want my late girlfriend back. She killed herself because I left her. It's such a cold hollow feeling.

 

[Heavy_Metals117]

Yep. Nothing will save you except yourself which is incredibly difficult. People here are right. You'll cause yourself and whoever you love pain until you can fix yourself. Those feelings of worthlessness will probably be worse if you got a girlfriend, especially if she's "normal". It's not worth the pain that is caused to everyone involved.

 

[yuri77]

I thought of the same thing when me and my partner broke up but I am still so suicidal after getting back together, he is genuinely an amazing person and is very supportive of me but my suicidal thoughts wont stop

 

[volo]

Yep. Nothing will save you except yourself which is incredibly difficult. People here are right. You'll cause yourself and whoever you love pain until you can fix yourself. Those feelings of worthlessness will probably be worse if you got a girlfriend, especially if she's "normal". It's not worth the pain that is caused to everyone involved.

100%. Wherever you go, whatever you do, you'll still find yourself there.

 

[niki wonoto]

I'm a long-time lurker (& poster) in here from Indonesia. And I'm probably much older than you. But, I can deeply relate with your post. It's really sad that I even have to comment this in 'secret', unless if anyone IRL (in real life) is smart enough to still be able to 'track' & read this comment somehow.

It's hard (really) to be in the middle-age, and yet still live alone/lonely. While watching almost everyone else (people) already getting into the 'happy relationships' (or 'happy couples'), getting married, building a family of their own, etc2. And it's not like I have never been in a relationship before. I did, have four relationships back when I was younger, but I squandered & wasted them all. And I know that it's my faults. I'm such a loser/failure. And now, somehow, I don't know, it's like I'm paying the price somehow. It deeply hurts. In fact, it's probably the biggest main reason of why I'm depressed & suicidal.

 

[blepblep]

I'm a 57f. Had a few LTR's in my life and 1 marriage. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, you are still left with yourself. If you don't have self love and confidence you will be back to square one looking for the next best thing. Romantic relationships are fleeting at best. At least that has been my experience. Have you tried therapy? It hurts my heart to hear you say you are a total loser. What are you basing this on?

100% on this. Couldn't have said it better. It might sound cliché but you need to learn to love yourself before you can love another person. Self compassion exercises helped me a lot when I was younger

 

[JeyJeyOfJeypore]

I'm a long-time lurker (& poster) in here from Indonesia. And I'm probably much older than you. But, I can deeply relate with your post. It's really sad that I even have to comment this in 'secret', unless if anyone IRL (in real life) is smart enough to still be able to 'track' & read this comment somehow.

It's hard (really) to be in the middle-age, and yet still live alone/lonely. While watching almost everyone else (people) already getting into the 'happy relationships' (or 'happy couples'), getting married, building a family of their own, etc2. And it's not like I have never been in a relationship before. I did, have four relationships back when I was younger, but I squandered & wasted them all. And I know that it's my faults. I'm such a loser/failure. And now, somehow, I don't know, it's like I'm paying the price somehow. It deeply hurts. In fact, it's probably the biggest main reason of why I'm depressed & suicidal.

not a reply specifically to this but...

Have you guys tried to calculate the emotional toll you would suffer if you actually got in a relationship and for whatever reason it didnt work out?

You would all kill yourselves then and there over the pain of the break up

Its like borrowing money. Dont do it if you cant pay it back

 

[divinemistress87]

Romantic love is temporary . One person will get sick of you and leave or vice versa