I'm not entirely sure I care as much as I probably should about that. On one hand, I know it will affect them deeply to lose a child. On the other hand, my dad monitored me and did stalker level shit online well into my adulthood and gave me a whole complex about being tracked, my mom spent 4.5 years groping me as a teenager and repeatedly told me I was worthless and deserved to die alone over things as small as addressing an envelope incorrectly, and my sister has told me she thinks I'm a paranoid selfish asshole and she brings up every anxiety attack or depression symptom for approval from our parents by comparison every chance she gets. Maybe it's petty, but I spent the first 18 years of my life trying to be the best kid ever to win their love and approval and to one day not be mistreated by proving I was good enough, and when that didn't work I spent the next 6 just trying to stay out of their way and live my own life without them knowing too much about me, so if I make them unbearably sad and angry and terrified when I kill myself, I don't really mind doing that.