Yew attempt

[Kali_Yuga13]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with things. I don't know if you posted your story and what brought you to this. I hate to see you go even if that's selfish of me. If something changes and you go to the hospital again, no shame in that. We'll be here.

 

[EternalSkies]

Thank you <3 dont knoe if I will die yet
Will ser in the coming hours
Oddly the first ekg was normal this time but feeling nauseous. More than usual

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Glad you're there.

 

[EternalSkies]

Several effects noted on the ekg now 6 hours later.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

How are you doing today?

 

[EternalSkies]

I had some issues for like 24 hours with the heart. But now fine. I ate an additional 11g to increase my chances of death further when the heart was doing worst.
They forced me to drink activated charcoal rendering the additional yew inaffective. They would have force fed me the activated charcoal if I didn't drink it myself..

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I was going to ask about charcoal. In the US I'm not sure how they would handle your scenario. I have seen a person get court ordered when they declined treatment but that was for attendance an IOP program. Do you live with people?

 

[EternalSkies]

In my country a doctor can simply decide that treatment is forced by law from what I understand. But they usually avoid it.
Especially when a person is otherwise sane.

No I was at the hospital so I can see what happens to my heart. They can't do much about what has been eaten before I get there.
Since there is no antidote for yew. But if I eat it and they find out within an hour they will force charcoal likely

 

[lament.]

Hope you've still been feeling okay and not having any painful side effects from the yew. If I found a yew tree near me I too would probably be attempting suicide with it or atleast trying it in a tea or something to see it's effects on me like you are doing. You are very brave but if you plan to live life after this make sure you don't cause permanent harm, as hard as that may seem to do or to care about sometimes. Best wishes.

 

[EternalSkies]

I feel okay. Thats the good thing about yew in my experience. But that's just my body and my yew tree
Thank you <3

I gathered 38g from a new bush/tree in the botanical garden yesterday evening. This time it is japenese yew instead of european yew.
I plan on ingesting around 32-38g if I can.

On top of that I gathered 3 leafs of foxglove. Think I plan on ingesting a smaller on too.

I also gathered on smaller leaf from Aconitum/Wolfsbane. I might put it on my wet skin. It is said you could die from just touching it a prolonger period of time.
But im scared of this one because it causes lots of side effects etc. Not sure about this one yet though

Japenese yew is sparser and doesn't smell as bad somehow when made into tea/dried in an oven.

Fyi. Although yew are trees from what I understand. It is heavily used as an ornamental bush pretty much everywhere at least in my country. It might be a hybrid in ornamental form but still has poison. They're not hard to find once you know how they look

 

[EternalSkies]

So I got the 34g yew(japanese) down. It's insane how bad it tastes. Just a fraction of it makes you gag. I don't know how I am able to keep doing this.
But I managed to get it down again. Not sure I can or am ready to consume the foxglove leaf at this point yet at least

Let's see if this tree and japanese yew is any different than european yew

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

What happened? Are you still with us?

 

[EternalSkies]

The ECG showed the heart was off 12 hours later or so and persisted for like 3 hours at least.
I did eat one foxglove leaf too after 6 hours. But its was slightly small

I think I personally need 10-30g more for it to likely be deadly instead of dangerous

I even held in aconite for an hour with wet hands thinking it would help. I heard just touching it could kill you.
But apparently im invincible

 

[EternalSkies]

Okay today I've eaten two big foxglove leafs dried at 100 degrees celcius for 20+ min.
I don't think anything deadly will happen but who knows. I know some have died from two leafs.

But I ate two leafs 5 years ago too. I got effects on the heart back then but not deadly that time. But they persisted for 2 weeks


I will probably eat yew sometime again. And try to get 50g down next time if I can. But its very hard to consume that much yew

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Sometimes it's been unclear to me whether you're in the experimenting stage or if this serves as an extended goodbye thread. At some point all these exposures may result in death or catastrophic organ failure. If this is what you're going for, then I'd like to say it's been nice having a dialogue with you and appreciate your documenting your experience. If you do change your mind even if it's just postpone things, that's totally acceptable too.

 

[EternalSkies]

Maybe it's a bit of both :P Maybe I don't know myself fully
Thank you. It's very kind of you to say. I appreciate you having been here too

I gathered 6 more foxglove leafs in case I feel like.
Im feeling a little out of breath now 8 hours later. Not sure if its because of the foxglove yet though
But im pretty sure its near fatal or dangerous dose in general

 

[EternalSkies]

Resting pulse now 55-59. Seems to be slowing down a bit

 

[dontaskmewhatithink]

I'm so sorry you are going through that.
I also get those rollercoasters of days feeling hopeful and the next in utter desperation. Like you say It's a switch and feels so out of your control. I just try as best I can to hold on hard til the next one. And yeah the future dread is often overwhelming you just gotta look at your feet and stare at the tiny steps or it consumes you. The call to death is always there, some days louder, it's not silly at all and I know It feels anything but silly in those moments. This is all to say I feel you.

I will tell you what I try to tell myself and its that if there is still a part of you that wants to live, a voice of hope somewhere, try and cling to it. Cherish it whenever you can specially when it shines brighter. It's a flame. I try to keep that in mind while I accept that I will often forget it, just for how long it lasts and try to survive while I lack it.

I would not recommend you consume half a dose and leave it to destiny. That does not sound great and could get real awful. If you are unsure, If there is a part of your brain that's leading you to do it that way because of indecision, I think it is best you hold on on that. It is harder to not follow that impulse, to do nothing really, but in cases you are not completely sure I think it is not a good decision to do it that way.
I also hope things can be ok for you regardless, and that some easier days can come your way. Lots of love at ya <333

What you described here feels like it came out of my own head. Wow. The 'flame' part especially. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

I found a new yew tree or more like it found me and I noticed it. I also saw a yew bonsai tree online. Maybe I'll try and grow one. With a people's concerns about sourcing other substances I feel secure in this trees availability even if I'm stuck here for now.

How are you holding up @EternalSkies ?

 

[EternalSkies]

Ate another leaf of foxglove in psychward. They tookbloodtests against digitalis.
I need 5-15 leafs for it to be lethal from what they said the bloodlevels were

 

[EternalSkies]

Just read a report where a person consumed an unknown amount of foxglove leafs and had 0.62 ng/ml in digoxin, and 112 ng/ml in digitoxin.
Apparently they only measured my digoxin levels. But they were 0.41 ng/ml after ingesting 3 leafs within 36 hours. So I can't help thinking I could have been close
to that person digitoxin levels.

That person had severe effects and had to stay in the hospital 11 days before getting normal heartrythms etc again.
The issue for that person wasn't digoxin levels, but rather digitoxin levels were very high


I now consumed 4 leafs foxglove all at once. Two bottom leafs that were large and weighed 2g each. And two top leafs weighing 0.5g each.
The bigger leafs tasted much more neutral than the top leafs which were much more bitter.

So I consumed 5-6g foxglove this time. And more from bottom leafs. Said to be more dangerous. Im not really anticipating that much.
Maybe something happens. Maybe it doesn't

It is said Digital Purpurea which I ingested has up to 100x more digitoxin than digoxin. The same plant that person ingested

 

[quietwoods]

Just read a report where a person consumed an unknown amount of foxglove leafs and had 0.62 ng/ml in digoxin, and 112 ng/ml in digitoxin.
Apparently they only measured my digoxin levels. But they were 0.41 ng/ml after ingesting 3 leafs within 36 hours. So I can't help thinking I could have been close
to that person digitoxin levels.

That person had severe effects and had to stay in the hospital 11 days before getting normal heartrythms etc again.
The issue for that person wasn't digoxin levels, but rather digitoxin levels were very high


I now consumed 4 leafs foxglove all at once. Two bottom leafs that were large and weighed 2g each. And two top leafs weighing 0.5g each.
The bigger leafs tasted much more neutral than the top leafs which were much more bitter.

So I consumed 5-6g foxglove this time. And more from bottom leafs. Said to be more dangerous. Im not really anticipating that much.
Maybe something happens. Maybe it doesn't

It is said Digital Purpurea which I ingested has up to 100x more digitoxin than digoxin. The same plant that person ingested

Ok, I've been following along here for interest, but I am getting more and more confused lol. Have you just been sitting in a psych ward for the past week eating plants you keep finding?

 

[EternalSkies]

xD
no they forced me to psychward and I had foxglove hidden in my bag. Then I convinced them to let me out because I had an appointment and they
really can't help me in the psychward with my issues

So now I am home and ate more foxglove. Its is more toxic per gram and not as bitter as yew

 

[quietwoods]

xD
no they forced me to psychward and I had foxglove hidden in my bag. Then I convinced them to let me out because I had an appointment and they
really can't help me in the psychward with my issues

So now I am home and ate more foxglove. Its is more toxic per gram and not as bitter as yew

Ah gotcha. Thanks for the morbid experiment, info for everybody else. Seems yew is popular here (for a herb), haven't heard about foxglove though. Surprised no one talks about hemlock though, that one seems the most lethal. Idk.

Hope you peace wherever you go.

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Any subjective difference in how you feel with either plant?

My experience with stimulant drugs was that feeing weird things going on with my heart would induce panic but that may be more due to the nature of the stimulant. The ephedra in yew concerns me a bit in that regard.

Is foxglove just randomly growing near you or do go to a botanical garden or something? I've never seen it in person.

 

[EternalSkies]

It feels like yew is kinder on the kindeys/liver. I notice my body tries to clear out the poison a lot more after consuming foxglove.
I also get a lot more nauseous initially form yew. But have never vomited yet with my doses.

I also think yew is dangerous for a much short period of time than foxglove. Because digitoxin has halflife of 5-7 days

It grows randomly at the graveyard, botanical garden and several other places nearby. But it only exists in june/july/august mostly.
Foxglove is hard to identify if it is not blossoming (but it is; it is summer now)

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

This is just under 2 grams of fresh yew on my digital scale (1.92 to be exact). 7 times that for 14 grams would be a small handful. I will weigh it again when it's dry but assume dried leaf is going to weigh much less. People have used yew since ancient times but I haven't found their method of administration. I'm thinking it's probably tea if it requires this much plant material.

View attachment 168670

@onerousyawn or anyone that cares - The dried weight for this is .77 grams or 40%. So in this case it lost 60% of it's weight through drying. The volume is pretty much the same, it didn't shrivel up like a broad leaf herb or anything but I'm sure it can be compacted by grinding the dry needles.

Surprised no one talks about hemlock though

There's been some discussion of hemlock in other threads. The search brings a bunch of mentions.

 

[quietwoods]

@onerousyawn or anyone that cares - The dried weight for this is .77 grams or 40%. So in this case it lost 60% of it's weight through drying. The volume is pretty much the same, it didn't shrivel up like a broad leaf herb or anything but I'm sure it can be compacted by grinding the dry needles.


There's been some discussion of hemlock in other threads. The search brings a bunch of mentions.

Yup, I've searched it. There's not really much serious discussion, it just gets brought up randomly here and there

 

[Kali_Yuga13]

Yup, I've searched it. There's not really much serious discussion, it just gets brought up randomly here and there

I've done some rudimentary research. I found some nuance between poison hemlock, water hemlock and dropwort. Not much on actual amounts required. I did find an old article about American Indians and suicide that amounted to saying it caused painful convulsions followed by death. In one instance it said two hours. The toxins are known convulsants. That's as far as I got on the subject.

 

[EternalSkies]

Think I took 40-50g. Not worth it as a sensitive person

I became dispriented and confused after 1 hour. My eyes couldnt fokus. Looked at one thing but vision moves somehow. Became very much unpleasamtly nauseous. Numbness in tip of tongue

It was extremely uncomfortable first 3 hours ans scary

Ekg mentioned some sort of heartblock
Been 5 hours now.
Still slightly confused and unfocused
Still slightly confused and unfocused