wtf do you do when there's nowhere to go

[nails]

i have no one to go to no one evr cared no one ever will. it's too much and i cnat keep doing this im so tired of nightly panic atatcks over my pathebtic lonely life i cant breathe and rhe shaking is makign so exhausting. i trieid whatevevr techniques and they dint help i reached out to otber people and they just sya sorry and change tbe subject i talk in tbe gc and they start tlaking about otbebr stuff i dont have drugsvs lr alcohol and self harm isnt helpung. i dont bave any friendns they all left me at my worst and theg dont care about anyone except tbemsleves they dont care if i die they nevevr cared they know how bard it is for me without them and they left anyways and didnt even let me say how i feel and then strangers aay i can reach out bht they only say it to make themsleves feel better becuause they dont care when i come to them.
thsi hapenes every night and tehrhes never any solution i jsut panic hntil i pass out and its so painful im so fucjing tired. i have absolutely nothing in my life and nothing to go to i jsut need to die i cant handle this

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I know how you feel. I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. You sound extremely overwhelmed. I'm sad the only hug I can give is this one

 

[whywere]

1st off you ARE family here to me and I NEED you here, as with no family nor friends and include 24/7 chronic pain, you ARE very important to me.

I have been on my own since March 1974, and after all this time, it is folks like you who make the sky shine with a lovely warming sun.

We are ALL together and you are NEVER EVER alone, as I care deeply about you and want the very best for you.

I may be 70, albeit older, but we ARE good friends and family here, I have zero family nor friends and you are important beyond words.

Also, not to be negative, BUT folks, like your "friends" who take leave and do not help, they WILL get Karma. At my age I have seen it too many times, where someone is a jerk and BANG down the road of life it comes back triple fold and they are always confused as to why it was them.

I have a few times told folks who have said that around me to look in the mirror of life and it will be as plain as day, they were thoughtless, mean etc. and it came back to haunt them.

You are a lovely caring, loving and beautiful spirit.

Hugs my good friend!

Walter

 

[Forever Sleep]

While it was horrible to acknowledge it at the time- it helped me longer- term to realise that there isn't always somewhere to go. That people aren't always reliable and, certainly not long- term. They are trying to navigate their own lives too. Plus- what can they actually do to help? Maybe they can listen and give advice but ultimately- it's down to us to work on our problems.

Once I acknowledged that, I started to try to figure out what was troubling me by myself. At that time- it was mostly limerence, social anxiety and despising my job. Some of those things I worked on and overcame/ improved the situation. Others- not so much.

In a way though- I wonder if depending on this one person in some ways trapped me for a time. Not to blame them- it was good of them to listen to it all over and over again. But, knowing I could just offload onto them maybe made me less willing to figure out what was actually wrong.

Of course, it's not like I cured myself! I'm still suicidal- obviously. But, I don't feel that desperate need for other people now- thankfully. I don't actually get lonely now.

 

[Jamesbond]

I can relate to this so much, I turn to drink and drugs when there's nothing else out there, are you in the uk?

 

[tomame]

i'm moving out of the country next month to a country i've never been with someone i hardly know.

can't be any worse or stupid then my life is now

i can't wait

 

[nails]

I can relate to this so much, I turn to drink and drugs when there's nothing else out there, are you in the uk?

nah, i'm in the us. can't smoke, drink, buy a gun, or do anything unless you're 21, so i don't have any options there.

i'm moving out of the country next month to a country i've never been with someone i hardly know.

can't be any worse or stupid then my life is now

i can't wait

good luck and stay safe

 

[Jamesbond]

You're so young man! You got no health care available to you?

 

[accountnamerequired]

When I've had nowhere to go I go to a homeless shelter, 8 months total at 2 seperate ones now

 

[Fog is a wall]

nah, i'm in the us. can't smoke, drink, buy a gun, or do anything unless you're 21, so i don't have any options there.

good luck and stay safe

If you joined at Feb 13, 2023 being at least 18, you would be 21 by now... Something tells me you either joined into this forum too young or you are still too young for this forum. Which is it?

Circling back to the point though, there's really no one to talk to about these things. I found a person online who struggles with some intense issues and it's very nice to talk about lighter things while acknowledging the pain we both bear. Because much of the pain if from how others make you feel like you cannot even open up that part of yourself. I cannot suggest you to seek company in vain or dismiss the possibility of having company outright too. It's a dire situation, I tell you.

 

[nails]

You're so young man! You got no health care available to you?

none of it helps and some doctors have put me in an even worse spot. my situation is beyond fixing now, lol. it really sucks...

If you joined at Feb 13, 2023 being at least 18, you would be 21 by now... Something tells me you either joined into this forum too young or you are still too young for this forum. Which is it?

i just turned 20, don't worry

Circling back to the point though, there's really no one to talk to about these things. I found a person online who struggles with some intense issues and it's very nice to talk about lighter things while acknowledging the pain we both bear. Because much of the pain if from how others make you feel like you cannot even open up that part of yourself. I cannot suggest you to seek company in vain or dismiss the possibility of having company outright too. It's a dire situation, I tell you.

it's really hard not to dismiss the possibility of company when everything just ends so terribly all of the time. i still remain open to it, i seek it out consistently and try to make it happen, but i've become very pessimistic about it because everything keeps going wrong. not to mention, i think i've become too messed up for these things. i just can't connect with anyone anymore because i'm incapable of thinking/talking about anything other than my problems. losing everyone in such a short amount of time at the lowest point of my life really messed me up. i just can't enjoy anything now, i have nothing else to talk about because i can't even bring myself to be interested in anything else. of course, no connection can (healthily) remain intact if the whole basis of the relationship is just one person yapping about their misery. essentially, i'm just kinda cooked and anhedonia is kicking my ass. everything's just so grim and bleak.
sorry, i kinda went on a tangent there. thank you for responding

 

[RadiantNumber]

i have no one to go to no one evr cared no one ever will. it's too much and i cnat keep doing this im so tired of nightly panic atatcks over my pathebtic lonely life i cant breathe and rhe shaking is makign so exhausting. i trieid whatevevr techniques and they dint help i reached out to otber people and they just sya sorry and change tbe subject i talk in tbe gc and they start tlaking about otbebr stuff i dont have drugsvs lr alcohol and self harm isnt helpung. i dont bave any friendns they all left me at my worst and theg dont care about anyone except tbemsleves they dont care if i die they nevevr cared they know how bard it is for me without them and they left anyways and didnt even let me say how i feel and then strangers aay i can reach out bht they only say it to make themsleves feel better becuause they dont care when i come to them.
thsi hapenes every night and tehrhes never any solution i jsut panic hntil i pass out and its so painful im so fucjing tired. i have absolutely nothing in my life and nothing to go to i jsut need to die i cant handle this

If you need to feel free to dm me

 

[Jamesbond]

none of it helps and some doctors have put me in an even worse spot. my situation is beyond fixing now, lol. it really sucks...

i just turned 20, don't worry

it's really hard not to dismiss the possibility of company when everything just ends so terribly all of the time. i still remain open to it, i seek it out consistently and try to make it happen, but i've become very pessimistic about it because everything keeps going wrong. not to mention, i think i've become too messed up for these things. i just can't connect with anyone anymore because i'm incapable of thinking/talking about anything other than my problems. losing everyone in such a short amount of time at the lowest point of my life really messed me up. i just can't enjoy anything now, i have nothing else to talk about because i can't even bring myself to be interested in anything else. of course, no connection can (healthily) remain intact if the whole basis of the relationship is just one person yapping about their misery. essentially, i'm just kinda cooked and anhedonia is kicking my ass. everything's just so grim and bleak.
sorry, i kinda went on a tangent there. thank you for responding

Bro you're so young. I dont want to be that guy and say it can get better and gas light you.
Sometimes it gets worse.
But between 20 and 30 I had some of the happiest experiences of my life
Still lived with the si and bipolar 2. But met a nice lady, kind of found some balance for a while!
But then as if grown older my conditions definitely got worse. So im not gonna pretend or lie to you about that!
Is there anything in life you want to achieve?

 

[nails]

Bro you're so young. I dont want to be that guy and say it can get better and gas light you.
Sometimes it gets worse.
But between 20 and 30 I had some of the happiest experiences of my life
Still lived with the si and bipolar 2. But met a nice lady, kind of found some balance for a while!
But then as if grown older my conditions definitely got worse. So im not gonna pretend or lie to you about that!
Is there anything in life you want to achieve?

there were a lot of things i wanted to do, but i don't really care anymore. even as i was working towards these things, i accepted that i had to die. i only felt okay because of other factors that are no longer around. it's all ruined now so i just don't want to do anything, lol. many of the things i wanted simply weren't feasible anyway.
thank you for your concern :) wishing you all the best and i hope you find some peace

 

[eggsausagerice]

Bro you're so young. I dont want to be that guy and say it can get better and gas light you.
Sometimes it gets worse.
But between 20 and 30 I had some of the happiest experiences of my life
Still lived with the si and bipolar 2. But met a nice lady, kind of found some balance for a while!

it always seems to get better for people when they meet someone. it makes me jealous. a lot of the depression or suicide success stories are mostly because someone was able to find someone that cared about them.

it's just kind of tiring for older people to downplay 20-somethings problems, even though you didn't mean for it to sound that way. i used to be 20 before my birthday and after i turned 21 not much has changed. i'm too scared to go out and socialize and i don't have money to do anything. i think that things might've been better 20 years ago before i was born. everything seems much more hopeless and lonely now. i feel too tired and drained to seek help when i would most likely refuse it.

 

[nails]

it always seems to get better for people when they meet someone. it makes me jealous. a lot of the depression or suicide success stories are mostly because someone was able to find someone that cared about them.

yes, i'm dealing with the same thing. i was so much happier when i had friends. i actually had a reason to live, now i have no drive and everything is just unenjoyable. having company in your life really does change everything and it feels a bit rare to find someone else who has no one. especially in my age range, everyone seems to have someone except for me. i'm always trying, but i've become too messed up to establish meaningful connections, so i'm doomed to be miserable now. i'm lucky, i actually have a job where i'm surrounded by a lot of different people, but i just can't genuinely connect with anyone anymore. i get along with everyone, i think i'm well liked by pretty much everyone, i make the effort to try to get closer with others, but it doesn't really work. i think there's something inherently wrong with me and there's something repulsive about me. i'm just not the person that people enjoy knowing on a deeper level, i guess. losing everyone messed me up so bad. i think there might've been a point where i could recover, maybe a few months after it happened, but my mental health has deteriorated too far from the year+ of isolation and now it can't be fixed. i have nothing to discuss with anyone anymore because everything is dull and i don't do anything, so every conversation i have feels so fake.
holyyy shit sorry i ended up yapping. i'm sorry you have to deal with this too.

 

[eggsausagerice]

i'm lucky, i actually have a job where i'm surrounded by a lot of different people, but i just can't genuinely connect with anyone anymore. i get along with everyone, i think i'm well liked by pretty much everyone, i make the effort to try to get closer with others, but it doesn't really work. i think there's something inherently wrong with me and there's something repulsive about me. i'm just not the person that people enjoy knowing on a deeper level, i guess.

i feel the same way. i read your posts from time to time but don't leave comments because i figure it would be redundant to be like "saaaamme/so true bro!!", but i do feel like that.

i don't have a job or leave my house because i don't have the opportunity or skills to have a job because of my social anxiety, but i think that if i did i would be in a really similar spot. in college i would keep to myself, but when people would talk to me they would still "like" me or say they liked talking to me. i get along with people. i'm frictionless. but i can't connect with people in any real way or really become friends with people. even when i am friends with people i doubt them or feel bad that they think we're friends when i see myself as worse than other people. i feel a level of detachment from the people in my life that i can't really explain. most people don't think it's as bad as i say it is, but that's because it's different for them. i really don't think that i'm as whole of a person as everyone else. i feel like i'd do anything to be worth people's time, and that's why i'm not enough.

 

[nails]

i feel the same way. i read your posts from time to time but don't leave comments because i figure it would be redundant to be like "saaaamme/so true bro!!", but i do feel like that.

i don't have a job or leave my house because i don't have the opportunity or skills to have a job because of my social anxiety, but i think that if i did i would be in a really similar spot. in college i would keep to myself, but when people would talk to me they would still "like" me or say they liked talking to me. i get along with people. i'm frictionless. but i can't connect with people in any real way or really become friends with people. even when i am friends with people i doubt them or feel bad that they think we're friends when i see myself as worse than other people. i feel a level of detachment from the people in my life that i can't really explain. most people don't think it's as bad as i say it is, but that's because it's different for them. i really don't think that i'm as whole of a person as everyone else. i feel like i'd do anything to be worth people's time, and that's why i'm not enough.

but seriously, i hope you can find some sort of peace. your situation sounds so suffocating and difficult, it sucks you have to go through this. wishing you all the best