Saponification
A piece of nothing
- Jun 27, 2024
- 74
I've gotten really into programming recently. Which means I found an interest that I can actually make a career out of. This is shit news, since it means that I will probably end up postponing my CTB, which I don't want to fucking do.
I keep waiting for something to push me over the edge, to make my life so unbearable I'll find myself forced to put myself out of my pathetic misery. If it weren't for this damned survival instinct, I'd slit my own throat with a kitchen knife without so much as a second thought.
Even if I were to get the two things I desire most, which are stability and peace of mind, then what? I know damn well this world has nothing I want. I don't give a shit about anything or anyone, no one gives a shit about me, I never had a single true friend or connection in my life and I never will since I'm seemingly invisible to other people. I feel like I'm waking up to the same day everyday. My life is mind-numbingly boring. I can't carry the crushing weight of my own existence. There's no sign of any of this ever changing, no matter how hard I try. This is not something I can just wait out. This world was simply not made for me. Why did I get dragged into this shit planet? I am nothing and I deserve nothing.
Anyhow, writing this rant is taking too long. specially considering no one is gonna read this shit. Cheers to whoever does.
I keep waiting for something to push me over the edge, to make my life so unbearable I'll find myself forced to put myself out of my pathetic misery. If it weren't for this damned survival instinct, I'd slit my own throat with a kitchen knife without so much as a second thought.
Even if I were to get the two things I desire most, which are stability and peace of mind, then what? I know damn well this world has nothing I want. I don't give a shit about anything or anyone, no one gives a shit about me, I never had a single true friend or connection in my life and I never will since I'm seemingly invisible to other people. I feel like I'm waking up to the same day everyday. My life is mind-numbingly boring. I can't carry the crushing weight of my own existence. There's no sign of any of this ever changing, no matter how hard I try. This is not something I can just wait out. This world was simply not made for me. Why did I get dragged into this shit planet? I am nothing and I deserve nothing.
Anyhow, writing this rant is taking too long. specially considering no one is gonna read this shit. Cheers to whoever does.
