Discussion Will it matter if you haven't tried everything or, done everything you wanted to do? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

I wasn't sure which section to post this. It's not exactly suicide focussed but, I suppose it's related.

I suppose you can take the question multiple ways too. As in- Have you tried all you think you want or should to recover- if you believe in that. Or, just generally- bucket lists or whatever else. Whether your life ends naturally or via your own hand, have you done all you wanted to? Do your hopes and desires even matter to you anymore?

I don't really care about what is expected of us with regards to 'recovery'. I dabbled with self help books, therapy, meds, changing diets, exercise and lifestyle, changing careers. I won't have done as much on my mental health as I'm sure the average pro- lifer would insist upon but, I don't care. I've done all I could stomach.

As for a bucket list. There used to be things I wanted to do. Some fairly far out wishes. I always fancied canoeing around a coastline or something. I don't have the fitness for it now and, I imagine the reality could actually be less pleasant than the dream. A fairly certain way to die actually- given just how unfit I am but then, drowning doesn't appeal. Just watery landscapes in general though, I love and I wanted to see. But, even there, I wonder if it's worth the effort and expense.

I live food but ultimately, it just makes me even fatter, which makes me more miserable. Maybe a few binges will happen before the end though.

I've come to the bitter conclusion that very little in life seems worth the effort though. I suppose, minus the SI in the moment, I feel like I'm content with the idea of dying and not being able to experience anything anymore. How about you?

 

[mysticatedwine]

i do not feel the need to experience more things than i already do. if i commit suicide, i won't have experienced "all" of the things i couldve experienced in life, but i won't be there to regret it. similarly, those who die of old age haven't got the time to experience it all either, a human life is too short for that

 

[Higurashi415]

Whenever I'm a human being as opposed to the husk of a human being there are a few things I want to do. Not many... but I don't have an exact list. After years of being tormented like this it's hard to even remember what I wanted to do before feeling like this... or maybe I've always felt like this.

As of right now, option 3 seems the most fitting, as laying in bed and sometimes eating is most of what I've done in the last 3 or so months. I couldn't focus on anything, I don't feel like I could've done much better than this if I tried.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

No, because when I end it, I'll just be done. Nothing will matter anymore, and there will be nothing worth staying for. Even now I feel like there's nothing left to do. When the one person who mattered most in my world left, I died within and whatever future things I may have had in mind disappeared. I realised too late what I really wanted, was just a peaceful life with this very same person.

I like your canoeing idea, maybe there is a less strenuous way to see the landscapes? I'm glad I ticked skydiving off my list (tandem jump), because ironically, I don't know if I'd want to jump out of a plane again.