Will it be a planned suicide or an impulsive one?

[steppingoff]

I know lots of people like to plan here—e.g., I will CTB by Easter, but I am the impulsive type.

I have already decided to hang myself at some point, but I don't want to spend time thinking about it, other than being ready for an impulsive moment. Planning beyond that will mean SI will creep in.

Right now, I have a hanging "kit" that I am taking with me on a business trip—a rope, a chin-up bar, and links for streaming, recording, and uploading. I will send out a time-delayed email that can only be stopped by me if I am not dead.

If the impulse happens, I am ready to go. There are no little things to delay the process, and there is no time to let SI sneak in.

I'll just step up on the stool I have, tie, and step off into a stream that will record the moment.

I am hoping that there will be no more than an hour between the urge and the end.

The business trip is soon

 

[iloverachel]

Good luck my friend

 

[Agon321]

It's always best to plan your CTB. This reduces the risk of failure. From what you write, it won't be 100% impulsive.
However, I would make sure that no one violates the CTB. Also make sure you know how to do it. Hanging can be painless (to my knowledge) if it's done right. So think through the entire process.
Mistakes can be unforgivable

Unfortunately, you will most likely have SI anyway. Therefore, it is better to plan ahead to reduce the risk of a panic attack.
Good luck.

 

[Little_Suzy]

Suicide is not always successful and can end in tragedy. The goal is to avoid injuries rather than overthinking or succumbing to SI.

A hanging kit can cause death or spinal cord paralysis. Please allow yourself grace as you make your life's most important decision.

 

[why am i alive?]

I wish you the best of luck!
I prefer planning it, as I am scared that if I don't I will survive.

But I understand where you are coming from and hope that you can find peace

 

[yeh it's all gucci]

Isn't saying you're going to do it on your upcoming trip and taking a kit with you just a plan and not an impulsive action?

 

[Tesha]

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position - it does sound like you're planning though, rather than impulsive as you've identified when you're possibly doing it. That's ok.

As part of previous mental health assessments, I've been asked 'do I have a method, a plan and a date'?

Yes, I have a method, yes I have a plan about how I'm going to use the method but I then fell into the 'trap' of thinking I needed a date. This added no end of stress. I thought I had to have a date and if I didn't take my life on that date, then I felt like I failed.

I've realised for me that was the wrong way of looking at it. I just needed to be absolutely certain that my decision to end my life was right for me. Which it is. I am now comfortable that whenever the time comes, it comes.

I know that things could change, positively or negatively and I'll ride those waves for now. But, I'm almost certain that one day something will finally tip the balance and I'll enact my plan. I'm ok with that; in the same way I'm ok with any other decisions I make.

So am I planned or impulsive type? Both I suppose.

 

[donggi72]

I hope you find peace as soon as possible

 

[willitpass]

I call it planned impulsivity. I'm the same way. I have a method and plan, even a note written out, but I don't have a date. The date will be when it feels right.

 

[steppingoff]

It's always best to plan your CTB. This reduces the risk of failure. From what you write, it won't be 100% impulsive.
However, I would make sure that no one violates the CTB. Also make sure you know how to do it. Hanging can be painless (to my knowledge) if it's done right. So think through the entire process.
Mistakes can be unforgivable

Unfortunately, you will most likely have SI anyway. Therefore, it is better to plan ahead to reduce the risk of a panic attack.
Good luck.

There's planning in the method. And there decisions already taken. What is impulsive is the moment that it will happen. The less I have to think about what I am doing which makes the SI kick in a big way

In the context of training. You let your training take over and guide you.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish you the best, I hope that you find the freedom you search for when the time is right.

 

[rozeske]

It will be planned if I manage to pull of my method. It doesn't allow for impulsivity anyways.

 

[jemetire]

i will plan an inpulsive attempt: i will pick a date and cause myself to be full of negative emotions and then kill my self cuz i can't do it in another way i can't defeat si

 

[Redleaf1992]

I guess a bit off both, I have a plan and a date. That said my mind is so mood swingy particularly towards CBT, that it might not happen on that day but any given day from then onwards. Really depends on how I feel on the day, so an amount of impulsivity is there.

 

[steppingoff]

I guess a bit off both, I have a plan and a date. That said my mind is so mood swingy particularly towards CBT, that it might not happen on that day but any given day from then onwards. Really depends on how I feel on the day, so an amount of impulsivity is there.

I can relate to the changes in mood too. Probably why I want to do it on an impulse while the mood is with me. Wait too long and it will be gone

 

[MortalityScares]

I don't have a legit answer personally, due to the fact that I am only here for other peoples perspective on life and death.

I am guessing that if I were to hypothetically ctb, it'd be impulsive. Like you, it'd all depend on if I felt the time was right- not to mention, I overthink if I over plan in normal circumstances so anything beyond a base plan would probably drive me insane and would prevent me from successfully ctb.

If you don't mind me asking, why are you choosing to record your attempt/success? For the closure of others perhaps?

Thank you for your time and I wish you peace.

 

[AlternativeBagel]

A little bit of both. I'm taking a flight that I've planned for a month in 2 days to my ctb location which is my hometown and I plan on living there for a while and enjoying what i can for as long as I can then I know that there will be a day where I'll just wanna impulsively do it. When that day comes I won't quite ctb yet but I'll go ahead and send out my things that I that I maxed out credit cards for and bought specifically for my friends then ctb immediately afterward via SN. I'd like to have had some good come out of my life.

 

[UKscotty]

For most of us impulsive is the only way to go. Impulsive but planned.. if that makes sense. Planned in the sense we have researched a proper method.

People who say they will CTB tomorrow, at Easter etc are extremely unlikely to follow through. Most of us can't even commit to getting to bed on time let alone killing ourselves.

For me, it's best to fully understand our method, have a second backup too, then we are ready to go once we are ready and we are at peak depression, so lowest SI.