I cannot speak for anyone else, but as someone who goes back and forth in my own mind with this option, here's what I think/feel.
It's somewhat cliche, but yeah since I'm going out anyway there's something appealing about turning my death into a spectacle so I go out in a fashion that makes it harder to just ignore me or sweep my pain under the rug. It really feels quite expressive, and having the visual in front of others eyes. I suspect too thay maybe in the moment it might be a good way to counterfeit the emotion of what it may feel like to be cared about. Also, given that some people enjoy gore (can't relate, but they exist) given that I was never good for anything in life I might as well be entertaining through death. Also, most of my friend group is long distance, and I've had falling outs with people too, and I don't want to leave people in the dark so idk maybe it's a means to get the news out so that nobody is confused or hurt by the silence/my disappearance (arrogantly assuming I mean much to anyone, but still).
Yes, I know this all sounds very unhinged and maybe narcissistic too.
However there's also logistical problems (eg actually having an audience somehow, recording it etc etc) that discourage me. And then too wtf would it do to my family? That's sad and dark.
I do have the fantasy of being able to say my piece on camera so it's out there and my CTB giving them a reason to watch. Idk something poetic about it in my mind.
Wtf is wrong with me?