scary
find your own way to the Knife
- May 1, 2024
- 185
Retarded. Genuinely
I know, using the big r word in the modern day unironically but its truly what I am. No matter what I try to do I always mess up, I can't do anything right. Its amazing that I was born as a human being into this world because I don't feel like one, nor should I even be qualified as one. Why do I even bother to try doing anything if I just mess up big time. They say ignorance is bliss but that ain't true for me. Maybe for a split second I'm fine but the moment I become self aware its immediately "why would I do that?" and I start to beat myself up, metaphorically and literally. Why can't I just do one thing right? I feel less like a person and more like some single celled organism, but even then they have more brainpower than me
Autism ruined my life, it ruined what little chance I had of making it in this world. I can't push all the blame on my neurodivergence though, being autistic and being mentally retarded are two different things methinks, I'm just a failure in every aspect.
I truly do envy that one girl who was able to be euthanized purely because of her autism. Its a gross feeling though, right? she had a life and I'm sitting here feeling jealous that she died, that she had to resort to taking her own life because the world is just that cruel to those who don't fit the norm of what a person should be. But I do, and I hate myself for it.
Arg yet another spiral of the day but its just
why do I have to be so fucking stupid?
I know, using the big r word in the modern day unironically but its truly what I am. No matter what I try to do I always mess up, I can't do anything right. Its amazing that I was born as a human being into this world because I don't feel like one, nor should I even be qualified as one. Why do I even bother to try doing anything if I just mess up big time. They say ignorance is bliss but that ain't true for me. Maybe for a split second I'm fine but the moment I become self aware its immediately "why would I do that?" and I start to beat myself up, metaphorically and literally. Why can't I just do one thing right? I feel less like a person and more like some single celled organism, but even then they have more brainpower than me
Autism ruined my life, it ruined what little chance I had of making it in this world. I can't push all the blame on my neurodivergence though, being autistic and being mentally retarded are two different things methinks, I'm just a failure in every aspect.
I truly do envy that one girl who was able to be euthanized purely because of her autism. Its a gross feeling though, right? she had a life and I'm sitting here feeling jealous that she died, that she had to resort to taking her own life because the world is just that cruel to those who don't fit the norm of what a person should be. But I do, and I hate myself for it.
Arg yet another spiral of the day but its just
why do I have to be so fucking stupid?
