TheLonelyReaper
Hopeless
- Aug 7, 2024
- 12
Hi everyone, just a 21 yo boy here.
it's like even if i try to talk with people the deep feeling of loneliness doesn't abandon me at all. The void i have inside is something immeasurable, not a single relationship could fill the emptiness i have inside.
I sometimes crave connections, but at the same time I desperately struggle to make new ones, and also be so awkward and isolated.
i feel so diverse compared to my peers, by interest, way of behaving and thinking, something is really off about me, like I am not meant to fit in really, a problem that has been haunting me now since i was born.
I feel like i am alone even when with hundreds of people, i don't know if I will ever find peace with myself…
Fortunately my ctb thoughts lately are not intense as they used to, but i feel like i don't want to live life through the years, like i am giving myself an expiry date. It would really be a drag to live life till 80s, and die as an elder, so boring and painful.
Late 20s are enough, i am in that phase in which i genuinely hope not to wake up from sleep every single night, but it never happens, but i would never self inflict me ctb…
Don't know, just feel strange and dissociated, like nothing has really a meaning, but at least i am not being overly dramatic about it like i used to, not big rage moments, sprouts of raw emotions, i am just calm and collected, brutally cynical.
(still think about her after all this time, men are capable of loving a girl and standing by her for the rest of their lives)
anyway, hope everyone is doing fine here :)
it's like even if i try to talk with people the deep feeling of loneliness doesn't abandon me at all. The void i have inside is something immeasurable, not a single relationship could fill the emptiness i have inside.
I sometimes crave connections, but at the same time I desperately struggle to make new ones, and also be so awkward and isolated.
i feel so diverse compared to my peers, by interest, way of behaving and thinking, something is really off about me, like I am not meant to fit in really, a problem that has been haunting me now since i was born.
I feel like i am alone even when with hundreds of people, i don't know if I will ever find peace with myself…
Fortunately my ctb thoughts lately are not intense as they used to, but i feel like i don't want to live life through the years, like i am giving myself an expiry date. It would really be a drag to live life till 80s, and die as an elder, so boring and painful.
Late 20s are enough, i am in that phase in which i genuinely hope not to wake up from sleep every single night, but it never happens, but i would never self inflict me ctb…
Don't know, just feel strange and dissociated, like nothing has really a meaning, but at least i am not being overly dramatic about it like i used to, not big rage moments, sprouts of raw emotions, i am just calm and collected, brutally cynical.
(still think about her after all this time, men are capable of loving a girl and standing by her for the rest of their lives)
anyway, hope everyone is doing fine here :)
