Why are you still alive?

[Rynalia]

Self-sabotage, and it's complicated.

 

[LastLoveSong]

fuck knows

 

[TransTaxEvader]

just processing everything. my best friend who told me we were gonna go together couldn't take it anymore and left without me.

 

[haveyourownway]

Mainly because I can't stand to think of how my family will be affected. My family loves me and thinking of them finding me is an unbearable thought. Especially my mother who visits me almost every week and poured years into me for it to be for nothing.

 

[AuraByte]

My family who rely on me financially and my pets.

 

[psp3000]

made some commitments/plans when I felt hopeful and optimistic (and worries about people using my death to their advantage)

only for things to get worse
so I am trying not to commit to or plan anything else
and I try to think of every possible negative outcome for things to stop myself from being disappointed again or possibly making things a lot worse than they are now

 

[kopebaldy]

Cowardice and the anxiety of lacking resources to make sure my attempt is 100% successful.

 

[Ijustcantanymore]

Because human society demands that I suffer for the simple crime of existing.

 

[SchizoGymnast]

I am, for now, genuinely enjoying life and want to give myself a fair chance to see where it goes. I'm also scared...of death, of surviving with brain damage, or possible afterlife consequences if one exists.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am alive because I still deserve to suffer more before I can have y peaceful release.

 

[purplesky9]

I haven't found a method I can use. I can't use SN because don't have a large bowel so wouldn't be able to absorb enough to kill me. I don't have anywhere to hang and I'm useless at tying knots and I'm too chicken to drown myself.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

It's stupid. 2 reasons.

Reason 1: when I think of life, it's mostly painful and awful. I do not enjoy life. I am sad all the time. But when I envision myself taking the SN and things going to black and then nothing after that, the end of the story, it somehow still bothers me.

I tried to overdose before in a very serious manner that I thought would work, so I've encountered the situation before. It really means giving up everything, memories, pain, suffering, good things, hope, everything I at one point worked for, and just surrendering to the abyss

At one point, I worked very hard in life, very little has come of it, I feel exploited and dehumanized and wronged. I also do not feel like I should try to continue to work hard, try to have a "second act" in life in which things go well. I feel like society and the world put me through so much pain. No more false hopes, no more lies.

Reason 2: reason 2 is there's still some shit I want to take care of before ending it all. The problem with reason 2 is that money is required for living, and my job makes me tired and slows me down so much. There's some bucket list items I really would like to check off. It's stupid, but mostly it's about a sense of peace.

As I've gotten older, I've started to see the cruelties perpetrated against me are horrible, but pale in comparison to some of the other horrors out there. It leaves me feeling this sense of futility, but I still feel like I have to keep going.

I really, really hope I am dead within 5 years. I just don't want to keep being around. Or, if I am not dead in 5 years, I hope I can afford full-time drug addiction.

 

[bananaolympus]

Because of family

 

[calebzz1]

The fact that my condition is curable and eventually I will be able to see single and clearly in both eyes again even if it takes time.

 

[thaelyana]

The fear of ending up disabled, and the fear of dying when life could be great later.

 

[thinvy]

Waiting on my life insurance policy to be in effect. Because of some idiotic mistakes that happened while I took time off from work to recover from an injury, my life insurance policy date got reset, and it only pays out for suicide deaths after a certain period of time. Were it not for that, I likely would have ended things around February. I have a date range in mind now, after the policy is guaranteed to pay out. My family could really use the money, and it would be one last gift (and apology) to them.

It's nothing life-changing, but it's more than enough to cremate me and then still have more money than I expect any of them to have at once for like... the rest of their lives. and that's a comforting thought.

 

[claracatchingthebus]

Waiting on my life insurance policy to be in effect. Because of some idiotic mistakes that happened while I took time off from work to recover from an injury, my life insurance policy date got reset, and it only pays out for suicide deaths after a certain period of time. Were it not for that, I likely would have ended things around February. I have a date range in mind now, after the policy is guaranteed to pay out. My family could really use the money, and it would be one last gift (and apology) to them.

It's nothing life-changing, but it's more than enough to cremate me and then still have more money than I expect any of them to have at once for like... the rest of their lives. and that's a comforting thought.

this is actually a really kind reason to wait

 

[that_guy2611]

Don't want to risk crippling myself

 

[usernamesarehard]

As weird as it may sound, because I was told by other members of this forum that it might not be the wisest decision to ctb at 22. I guess I agree, especially because I'm not dealing with some kind of health issue, I'm just depressed and lonely

 

[bankai]

Waiting on my life insurance policy to be in effect. Because of some idiotic mistakes that happened while I took time off from work to recover from an injury, my life insurance policy date got reset, and it only pays out for suicide deaths after a certain period of time. Were it not for that, I likely would have ended things around February. I have a date range in mind now, after the policy is guaranteed to pay out. My family could really use the money, and it would be one last gift (and apology) to them.

It's nothing life-changing, but it's more than enough to cremate me and then still have more money than I expect any of them to have at once for like... the rest of their lives. and that's a comforting thought.

You sweet human being.you are the very best of us.Your actions will actually echo an eternity. It will change the lives of your family for the better.I hope they can appreciate it. I'm sure they will, of course

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

Because I don't have access to good methods and frankly because I'm a coward. I should have done it years ago. The past decade, and especially the past five years, have been filled with almost nothing but pain. Sure there's a short reprieve from it every now and then, but that doesn't make it worth it.

 

[MaxwellxIII]

For me, it's cus of my family. If I CTB, they will never be the same. In fact, some of them will probably get severely depressed for life.

what does ctb stand for ?

 

[star.trip]

It's a question I constantly ask myself.

 

[cherrycoke]

I don't want my roommate to be sad. We're very close and I know he'll never be the same. I live with him in a house he owns... if I had the means to move out first, I'd be gone already.

Thinking of packing all my stuff one day soon and taking a trip. I wish I could make it look like an accident because in my head that would be less hurtful then CTB.

 

[wham311]

I just can't do it

 

[RestlessTaiga]

My friends, they are that only thing that are preventing me right now, but I fear this won't last forever.

 

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

because the plan ive been thinking about since 12 is to OD and ive already failed three times cause its not reliable but its all i think about