when you think about taking your own life, how do you feel?

[failedmind]

this thought was heavy on my mind this morning. when i think about my suicide, i start thinking about how everyone around me would feel, the funeral, autopsy, everything. i feel relief, but i also can't help feeling a little bit of sadness and fear for what's after this.

 

[phantasmagoria]

Immense disappointment in this thing called "life" and sadness for lost possibilities

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Scared & guilty. My family will suffer, as will people counting on me to fulfill job duties

 

[Forever Sleep]

Impatience. I just want to be able to escape now but, I feel like I can't while my Dad is still here. Fear at how hard it might get to still hold on. Resentment that I'm in this position to begin with (anti-natalist rant,) fear at contemplating the actual act. Fear of screwing it up and being in an even worse state. Sometimes relief that it should theoretically be possible to leave- at least. Worry about how it may affect those left behind.

 

[4colliez]

I dont feel much tbh. I'll die one day either way and thinking about the future is what hurts and brings me anxiety. I see suicide as a way out

 

[Ajaq]

Nothing. Death is just a thing we all do one day, just want mine moved up a bit lmao

 

[Unlucky777]

For myself, I feel peace.

For my family, sadness, grief, guilt. For my sister, and my nieces.

 

[SanagiMezamete]

Relief and peace. I used to feel really sad and sentimental when it even crossed my mind, but I am so disassociated and apathetic about life right now that it doesn't bother me half as much as it comforts me.

 

[FuneralCry]

Ceasing to exist is all I could ever hope for and I only ever feel so much relief at the thought of being permanently at peace from something so evil and harmful as existence that only ever tortures existing beings and every second is torture to be conscious.

To me existence is the most terrible mistake and I find it so unbearable and painful to be burdened with this existence trapped in this horrific world where dying peacefully is a crime, for me non-existence would be the only positive solution for me to escape from all future dreadful suffering in this existence where there is no limit as to how much one can be tortured just to face the agony of old age.

To suffer for decades longer would be the most horrific, dreadful punishment and to exist truly does mean to suffer, there's just so evil in existence, all it does is cause endless amounts of pain and torture and to be permanently at peace from this abomination is all I could hope for, I wish I could erase this existence, to me the existence of life is the most devastating cruel tragedy and it's so terrible to me how humans impose this existence of terrible suffering onto others, all I want is to never suffer again.

 

[Echo]

Like you, very mixed feelings. Sense of relief that this life is over but worried about what's next. I believe in the afterlife. But sadness over family grieving when I'm gone.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

lots of things but primarily frustration at my inability to accomplish it above all

 

[martyrdom]

Absolutely nothing.

 

[xXSufferingXx]

comfort. a security blanket

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

fear

 

[ceelobling]

I feel despair. Everything is lost and I see myself vanishing in a black void. I'm scared that this is the end, but I have no choice.

 

[dalemar]

Sad for my family, and wishing I shouldn't need to follow a protocol.
If my method worked if done impulsively, I have been already gone.
Regardless, my date is getting closer, and hopefully I will succeed.

 

[stack-audio]

When I slashed my left wrist in prison there was nothing on my mind I just laid there and watched the blood come out, there was loads of it, I should say I have no empathy due to a brain injury. This will explain why I had no thoughts as for feelings, I felt at peace for the first time in my life. Then I must have passed out. Little did I know my cell mate had signed up for kitchen duty without telling me. So the guards got a shock when they opened the door at 6:30 the next morning, it was chaos. So thanks dick head if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here now. I will never forget that feeling of peacefulness though it felt so nice and I'm just gutted I'm still here. This is what we have to look forward to nothingness and peace as we turn to dust.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Relief that it will be over.

 

[dead dav]

A sense of calm and relief

 

[VileMagnolia]

I feel a strange bittersweet cocktail of relaxation, anxiousness, comfort, curiosity, and a general heavy feeling. It's both scary and warm and welcoming to my mind.

 

[A_Spartan_Dead]

Panic and fear of non existence.
Sad for my family.

(Rant a bit here)
Relief that I won't:
- be tortured by life
- have to be homeless (inevitable with this housing crisis), or if I don't end up homeless, have to move from place to place and start all over again
- feel depressed anymore over having to euthanise or giveaway my cats (got none now)
- have to spend every waking moment working just to try and survive, struggling
- grow old, tired and rotten
- have to give up all my things
- be judged & labelled a failure, and called lazy
- spend most of the night not sleeping

 

[Forveleth]

Relief.

 

[sleepingrabbit]

Dismal. Relieved. Like I'm standing in a really dark, really deep hole and it's filling up with water. Like I'm spinning round and round faster than I can steady myself, going down down down down down. Hyperventilating and screaming in a room filled with people who can't hear or see me doing it.

I feel like my head is forcibly being pushed underwater but I also feel like I'm desperate for it to be over with already. "Just get on with it already. I'm so tired."

I feel like I'm going to make a terrrible, awful choice that I don't know if I even want sometimes. But regardless of how I feel in the moment I'm secretly so relieved by the thought. It feels like saving myself by destroying myself, if that makes sense.

When I slashed my left wrist in prison there was nothing on my mind I just laid there and watched the blood come out, there was loads of it, I should say I have no empathy due to a brain injury. This will explain why I had no thoughts as for feelings, I felt at peace for the first time in my life. Then I must have passed out. Little did I know my cell mate had signed up for kitchen duty without telling me. So the guards got a shock when they opened the door at 6:30 the next morning, it was chaos. So thanks dick head if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here now. I will never forget that feeling of peacefulness though it felt so nice and I'm just gutted I'm still here. This is what we have to look forward to nothingness and peace as we turn to dust.

I felt this way too during my last attempt.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Nothing.

 

[howtounborn]

I feel peace.

A feeling that is indescribable, something that will wash over all my sufferings. I do feel a little bad for the people who will be affected.

But the end of my life feels inevitable at this point. Something that was meant to happen, a natural progression of a life so thoroughly dysfunctional.

 

[SleeplessAndSad]

Sad, scared, guilty but also peaceful

 

[Lost Impact]

Finally at peace, as I've nothing to leave behind. Anyone that does remember me will forget me and the trauma my living existence caused them. They'll be at peace too.

 

[SadbleaTablea]

Depends if I have actual intent or not at the time.

If I do not plan to kill myself, then the suicidal thoughts become predominantly stressful. Stressful because I am trying to not commit CTB, but the thoughts are aggressively pushy and nagging. Being as such also reminds me of how much I want to commit CTB but won't, for whatever reason at the time. So it feels like as if an out of reach carrot is always being dangled in front of me.

If I plan to kill myself, then multiple emotions. Comfort because there is hope that my lifelong suffering will finally end. Sadness because I will not see my loved ones again in this earthly realm. Anger because when I want to CTB the most, I am also most aware of how difficult it is to actually CTB. Fear because I am actually scared of death and what happens afterwards (for example, I am scared of there not being an afterlife and that I will actually never ever see my loved ones again, or I will be reincarnated into a worse life).

Regardless of how I feel, all the emotions are at an intense level. So the suicidal thoughts induce strong feelings. Then again, so does nearly everything in my life (just BPD things).

 

[BillyBob]

Rather calm. Thinking of the pain completely stopping. I do not fit in as it is so there is no need to pretend to try and fit in with everyday normal people.
Thinking of all the resources that I will free up for someone else when I die. There are so many positives to think about compared to the negatives.
In the end it will be a huge relief for me and my family as they can see me suffering big time mentally and psychically with my eating disorder.

 

[countingthedays1211]

The main thing I worry about is the (few) people who care about me. It will probably be devastating. But everyone has abandoned me, in their own way.