Venting Whats the point (vent art)

[Liseli]

It's Christmas soon. The magic is gone. The music died. My family is torn apart.

I thought adulthood was different. I finally have a choice a say in what I can do and change my life. But life taught me different

My adulthood is about rotting. My family and friend circle gets smaller each year. People abandon me but no new ones come into my life. Society is screwed. I am nothing but a product of it. No more games with my sister. No more calls from my online best friend. Nothing is left. Old toys collecting dust in my childhood closet. My plants in my new home rotting with me. I know it will only get worse. But I don't know why I haven't left yet. I don't feel joy. I haven't even done my hobbies in a while except for drawing now. Which looks also crappy and not up to my age. I didn't improve much.

My family is aging. Slowly even their life joy gets sucked away. I can see it. They No longer hang out or talk much. They are all on their phone. So am I.
I know it can't keep going on like this. And I am slowly getting more and more worn out. The older I get the less people care and thats the truth. I cant connect anymore. Even in my safe community's no one cares to see my face anymore. Most stay silent while I cry
Humanity is dead

 

[purebliss]

To read this now after reading about the FindLiseli post hits so much different.

I know you will not read this anymore, but please keep one thing in mind: You did not die "ungrateful" or "pointlessly" in any way.
I have read your other posts and I feel your pain.

If anyone else reads this:
If you feel terrible.
If you feel sad, alone, depressed.
If you isolate yourself from everyone and everything even though nothing "seems" to be even going on in your life then you are clinically depressed.

This is nothing that you can fully fix, nothing you have to feel guilty of. It is a physically observable dysfunction in your brain.
I have it myself. I have Borderline + Bipolar Disorder + Clinical Depression and ADHD. The last two are diagnosed. The other two suspected.

It is a mixture straight out of hell. My entire Life has been nothing but misery, lies and sadness for 13 consecutive years.

Please keep this in mind the next time you think that you are just "ungrateful", "evil" or any other type of bullshit.
You are not.

I will most likely end my eternal suffering soon as well.
At least Bipolar, the clinical depression and ADHD are incurable.
And I don't really intend to be put on multiple different medications for the rest of my life.

Please have a better day than me and I wish you all luck and a better future

 

[Endisclose]

To read this now after reading about the FindLiseli post hits so much different.

I know you will not read this anymore, but please keep one thing in mind: You did not die "ungrateful" or "pointlessly" in any way.
I have read your other posts and I feel your pain.

If anyone else reads this:
If you feel terrible.
If you feel sad, alone, depressed.
If you isolate yourself from everyone and everything even though nothing "seems" to be even going on in your life then you are clinically depressed.

This is nothing that you can fully fix, nothing you have to feel guilty of. It is a physically observable dysfunction in your brain.
I have it myself. I have Borderline + Bipolar Disorder + Clinical Depression and ADHD. The last two are diagnosed. The other two suspected.

It is a mixture straight out of hell. My entire Life has been nothing but misery, lies and sadness for 13 consecutive years.

Please keep this in mind the next time you think that you are just "ungrateful", "evil" or any other type of bullshit.
You are not.

I will most likely end my eternal suffering soon as well.
At least Bipolar, the clinical depression and ADHD are incurable.
And I don't really intend to be put on multiple different medications for the rest of my life.

Please have a better day than me and I wish you all luck and a better future

I agree. Just saw this after the thread trying to find liseli. I feel pretty much like what she felt. Life has been one long continuous nightmare for me with just a few brief happy years in between when I was 12 to 15 and that too in hindsight was just an illusion.

I have bipolar+borderline as well and it just makes life unbearable. You have left out borderline from the incurable list. Does tha mean it's curable? I thought borderline was the one that was intractable really. The kind of intense negative emotions one feels from the splitting and the rumination just makes living impossible.

I thought with bipolar there are medications like lithium that can supposedly give some kind of stability if one is lucky and responds to it. But I always thought there really was nothing for borderline and the standard treatment is using antipsychotics which eventually affect the central nervous system and affect motor control - so thats certainly not going to be fun.

Anyway the sense I get is that bipolar+borderline is supposed to be one of the most difficult to manage from a psychiatric point of view almost in line with schizophrenia or maybe just one step below that and I thought it was borderline that made it so more than the bipolar.

 

[pusheen]

It's Christmas soon. The magic is gone. The music died. My family is torn apart.

I thought adulthood was different. I finally have a choice a say in what I can do and change my life. But life taught me different

My adulthood is about rotting. My family and friend circle gets smaller each year. People abandon me but no new ones come into my life. Society is screwed. I am nothing but a product of it. No more games with my sister. No more calls from my online best friend. Nothing is left. Old toys collecting dust in my childhood closet. My plants in my new home rotting with me. I know it will only get worse. But I don't know why I haven't left yet. I don't feel joy. I haven't even done my hobbies in a while except for drawing now. Which looks also crappy and not up to my age. I didn't improve much.

My family is aging. Slowly even their life joy gets sucked away. I can see it. They No longer hang out or talk much. They are all on their phone. So am I.
I know it can't keep going on like this. And I am slowly getting more and more worn out. The older I get the less people care and thats the truth. I cant connect anymore. Even in my safe community's no one cares to see my face anymore. Most stay silent while I cry
Humanity is dead




View attachment 189803

I feel much similar... Like childhood was good, and now I'm looking at my family aging, before soon I'm sure more time will pass and I will see them all gone...
Instead I want to be in the warm, dimly lit kitchen on a winter morning, my mom doing something next to me, giving me a cup of tea... Laughing with my sister, playing with my friends... None of that soulless adult acting. I want to keep dreaming, being creative. And how I love my toys, they're still here with me and I'm on the way to my 30s...
It's up and down constantly... I'm so depressed, I have ADHD, the world doesn't care. But I'm taking another chance on living.
I don't think humanity is dead, but it feels so wrong to be alive these days... The leaders failed us. I hope for more brave people to change things, and those less brave to follow.
In the end, no one is going to live someone else's life for them, so we shouldn't judge... But I feel so sad. I keep thinking about Liseli, I cry. I'm not a person of faith, but as I age I hope more and more that we will all meet again in better circumstances... It would be too cruel.