I only continue to suffer as I'm so cruelly denied the option to just peacefully free myself from this torturous, futile existence I personally always saw as such a terrible mistake and never exist ever again, it's just so incredibly cruel to me how the suffering and torture of human existence is seen as to force and prolong no matter what even know it all just leads to decay and death anyway. I'd always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence suffering all for the sake of it and for me non-existence really is all that's positive and desirable, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering rather all I wish for is the peace of an eternal dreamless sleep where all is forgotten, more than anything I just wish this existence was never imposed, I'd never wish for the suffering of existing.