Discussion What will it take for you to not be suicidal anymore?

[twoeyedcyclop]

Time travel. There is simply no other option.

 

[3rdworldsadness]

Moving to 1st world country, being beautiful, no abusive rude and hurtful people, no people who hurted me, anxiety free, good social life, having a high paying job, living freely, lots of money, living peacefully.

 

[elenaboo25]

I don't think there's anything. I'm beyond help. My life has already improved a lot. I live alone and I have a job and I earn enough money to live my life. I'm not rich, but I do have enough money to go on holiday sometimes and I know that's a thing a lot of people can't do. I also have one really good friend. But I still suffer from flashbacks, nightmares and pain every day and I want to ctb mostly because of that.

I guess if there was some magical way to get rid of my flashbacks, nightmares and pain without getting rid of my ability to think at the same time, maybe I wouldn't want to ctb anymore. I am aware there is medication, but I currently can't take the risk of not being able to work because of starting a new medication.

I also no longer want to get better. There have been times where I have gotten "better" and not wanted to ctb for a while, but something always happened and I got back to wanting to ctb, regretting that I haven't done it earlier. It is as if I have wasted years of my life chasing a hope that never lasts. I no longer want to do that.

 

[Gustav Hartmann]

I could say I will be not suicidal anymore when I am dead. But I am intrigued by a certain form of quantum immortality, were we repeat our life again and again.

 

[Dreamwalker]

I love this question. To be seen and known? To rest easily in this body? The perception of existing is too painful, and the assuming of existing is not enough. Give me peace !!

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

For my family to actually care about me.
For random people and students to not target me all my life.
Guaranteed food and shelter.
Being able to think and function like how I used to before I became addicted to online.
My vision back.
My ex back.

Time travel. There is simply no other option.

I agree, have been actually looking for how to for months even though it's crazy

 

[Forveleth]

Absolutely nothing, I'm done.

 

[Chronical_Suicidal]

Change the unchangeable - looks, sexuality, age - try again to have a social life as well as a different career, enjoying more the life as an adult, and taking care of my mental health again . But, honestly, I'm exhausted, and see no point in doing it all over again, once there isn't any guarantee that, this time, I'll succeed - if things didn't happen until now, why would they occur by then?

I just want to die, and see no point in living anymore, so, I don't think I'll ever not be suicidal - but your question is great, made me reflect upon the reasons why I completely gave up, thanks.

 

[fadedghost]

i used to feel like if i had a cute boyfriend, i wouldn't be suicidally depressed anymore

then i felt like if my injuries got better and i got a cute boyfriend, i wouldn't be suicidally depressed anymore

but then i was involuntarily locked up and "treated" for mental health and it was terrifying and degrading and now, i think even if my injuries healed and i had a cute boyfriend, i'd still probably want to die. involuntary treatment probably gave me PTSD, and the treatment for PTSD tends to be mental health treatment, which I continue to avoid because of likely PTSD. Certain horrible memories would just have to be erased for me to not want to die.

hopefully i'll be dead by the end of this decade, but i've failed at death so many times i'm worried quantum immortality could be real

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

nothing could ever stop me from being suicidal

I want my suicide asap

i have a huge horrible problem and only suicide will save me .

it can't be solved now.

but even if it could i would still want my suicide asap because other problems could arise like a stroke ,accident ,disease , kidnapping many other horrible things.

there is no magic where i could have a different life . but i would never want anything from this evil world or evil life . i would never want to live any other kind of life even what they say is an above average life.

 

[nikdiedtoday]

im not sure like ive kinda always been his way but then again if i could go back and talk to my old self id say "dont worry its not that bad yet you still have time do shit right" id protect my family properly find a way to stay focused on music and art and shit that was helping at the time. tell myself school isn't unimportant. i think having a better relationship with my family, privacy, something to call my own like a room or place in my house that was just mine so i could create, a ged so i can learn a trade or something thats not a 9-5 so id have money to spoil those i love better. all that would help i think. i had that sort of for a second but i let trauma eat me from the inside out instead of dealing with my demons properly. i think if i would have just calmed down and admitted i was broken and fucked and didn't know how to fix it or deal with the weight id have been okay maybe. other part of me just thinks i was always gonna turn out this way no matter what did or didn't happen to me. i want my old life back id take care of it properly this time. i want to tell myself it'll all be okay just chill man. hindsight is a cunt. i guess its true ctb is the biggest decision ill have to make so i should just try and make the best of things till that time comes.idk get my ged or a better job and focus on the things bigger then myself. the comforting whispers of my fucked up thoughts make that alot harder then it maybe is in reality. gonna try and give it another go i guess. this is a nice post btw i dont think of what would make me not wanna ctb often because it seems unobtainable in my situation. its still nice to dream tho. hope to see more post like this here.

 

[Suicidalastronaut]

At this point there's nothing that can realistically happen that will change my mind. My life situation is not going to improve. I've been wanting to do this for a while, but my SI always kicks in. I recently learned that hanging isn't actually that bad of a way to CTB. I'm going to try it tonight but the only anchor point I have is 5 feet off the ground, not sure if partial suspension will work or not.

 

[Beholder]

I've a melancholic personality so, I don't think I can ever have a non-depressed life. I was always detached from people and life, even when I was 'living' it. I'm unhappy since I was 7 yo. and suicidal since I was 10 /11 yo. I'm used to living a hollow life, feeling empty. But I can stop saving money for a gun & searching for SN, and keep living(surviving) with very limited crumbs of happiness if I had my health and decent money.

I lost my health because of chronic depression (from 7 to 35 yo). It was the main underlying cause for many other illnesses I have. Insomnia, vertigo, stomach burnings & nausea, skin allergies with constant burning & itching, pain in my injured knee, lower back, neck, shoulder, elbow and 8 of my fingers.... All of these are chronic and constant. It takes more than 30 hours a week just to partially alleviate all these problems' symptoms. Every aspect of my life is designed just for this. Physical therapy exercises day and night, constantly applying balms and creams, having a very strict diet etc. just to be capable of basic bodily functions and look normal. I'm trapped in this routine. I NEED MY HEALTH BACK!

I never had a goal in life or planned for a future. I had no drive because I had no bond with anything in life. All my life there was only emptiness. I still remember my highschool-self looking a giant book of professions, not a single one of them interested me. So yeah, I never developed any skills to earn decent money either. I guess I need to win the lottery otherwise there's no way with my current health to make decent money in this shitty 3rd world dumpster I live in. I can live with emptiness as long as I can keep trying to fill it. This feels like eating from trash just to stay alive but I did it for decades and I can keep doing it. But I NEED MONEY just to drown this emptiness with something, anything.

 

[RichardFirst]

Time travel. That said, even if I could go back, I'm inclined to think that I'd just be better of going right back and preventing my own birth. Better to play it safe and do the job right.

 

[Nightingale93]

Yeah I'd say, if I was actually able to have a life, socialize, etc., during my younger critical years, instead of being stuck in a figurative cage, and not be able to do anything or go anywhere, perhaps then I wouldn't feel the way I feel now.

 

[scordatura]

Having some sort of selective amnesia to completely erase these certain situations from my memory. As long as it never robbed me of the good memories. Maybe I'd manage. If I was completely oblivious to it.

 

[Metro]

Time travel. There is simply no other option.

Litr the exact same here

 

[MyLifeisHell]

To be dead

 

[link182]

A stable life with stable income, food and shelter not only that but to find solitude where others were unable to disturb me. In short I want a life that is completely separate from others and a stable one. If I can't manage that I'm uninterested in living i see no middle ground and no room for negotiations. Tbh death is much more likely lol

 

[BlueberryDeer]

Lottery. Winning a jackpot to grant a place to live with a cat and decent Internet. And even that, lottery only postpones my suicide, because I have trust issues with myself since I suspect my mental state deteriorates every year and I'm a time bomb.

 

[TANETS]

If poverty, pain, murder, war and rape ended. Which will be never

 

[hurb]

An irl partner. But in where i live , its physically impossible to find someone i click with

 

[bluevalentine]

for me i feel like theres alot of self blame/guilt abt everything. i know compared to others that many of my struggles aren't comparable so its almost like deep down im telling my self i do have the power to be 'better' or 'normal' but ultimately i still choose to feel miserable all the time. Society tells the mental health side that there's always the future to look ahead to but i dont believe its the case for everyone. theres this tiredness for me that people on here also try to describe. idk anyways it's different for everyone but as a college gal i just feel like ive tried many many things in my power to be okay and function in a healthy way while contributing to society. maybe if i had more motivation and self discipline i could feel less shitty abt myself but on the outside i feel like the people that are supposed to help also dont beleive me. ofc it can be invisible for others and ik suicide/suicidal ideations are just an uncomfortable topic for many....

 

[Riven]

i don't know if it will ever not be at minimum a thought in my mind. its at least very hard to imagine, since its been years of this. i've come pretty close to CTB a couple times, but maybe the fact i couldnt go through with it means recovery is possible, idk

 

[bellaisdonewithlife]

Death. Reincarnation into a new life (if reincarnation even exists). Otherwise absolutely nothing in this current life. Even if I won the lottery it wouldn't matter because I can't feel anything and I have no typical human desires. I'm totally numb just chilling like a ghost in a body, an observer, waiting to die my whole life basically. I'm 29 now and really want out.

Edit: I thought about it harder and well… Maybe if a guy, even an emotionally unavailable guy, would be willing to date me with my err dysfunction, and be able to do what he wants with other women then I would stay alive. But no guys want to date me so.

 

[tomatriste]

to be reunited with my Dad

 

[xriddlex]

I'm wondering, what will take for you guys to not be suicidal, to not be depressed or perhaps anxious, what will it take for you to say goodbye to SaSu not cus you are ending things, but rather cus you're starting them.

Feel free to share your thoughts. Also share whether you're doing anything in regards to fixing things, like literally anything, doesn't have to be major stuff, could be eating healthy, or 30 minutes of exercising...etc.

I personally don't know for sure, I keep going back and forth on what that looks like, but I would say my mental health becoming stable and as normal as possible is at the top of the list, cus without that I won't be able to stop being suicidal ig.

I'm currently in therapy and on meds, stimulants to be specific since I have ADHD, taking Vyvanse for those wondering, did try concerta before, but the crash it gave me was absolutely horrible. That's what I'm focusing on right now.

Diet wise, I eat one meal a day, it's a very healthy one, mostly chicken breast with a bit of rice, and a bit of veggies. Need to change that but I recently stopped an extreme diet and also started on stimulants shortly after, so I can't push myself to increase my calories intake, since my stomach can't handle it.

Honestly the only thing, or person in this case, that would save me is a dear friend of mine that recently, almost two weeks ago, did not want to be my friend anymore. Why is it that when I make one mistake they leave but when they make many I stay and try to work it out? He was my last chance at life and I am tired. I am fighting to make it up to him and if it doesnt work, ill just go