I attempted suicide in a friend's house and survived, traumatized my best friend and was driven out of our friend group as a result. They villainized me in order to cope, I think. But the end result was bullying.
I was accused of being mean, told I was killing her (probably true), told I had said things I hadn't. She asked for space, then I was told I was being mean for leaving the group to give her space and that I should have stayed, then was told I shouldn't have come back when she'd asked for space. I only came back to confront them after one of them was liking and unliking my posts on social media and I wanted it to stop. This was all going on when I was recovering.
I was apologizing and pleading and begging them for answers and trying to explain that I hadn't done those things out of malice and I didnt understand, but they wouldn't listen. I apologized profusely and said I would go, I was told by them we didn't have a normal friendship and to distance myself.
So I shut myself away in my house out of guilt and shame and now I can't form meaningful relationships with anyone out of fear of hurting them. I get that's not their fault, but. It feels impossible to overcome. I moved away from my hometown because I was so ashamed and they just wiped me from their lives like I never existed. I just want to go home.
I just wish I had either chosen a different method that day and died or hadn't done it at all. But I believe it was unavoidable. I attempted because I came home and saw something traumatic and I couldn't calm down, I just wasn't in control. I was a teenager and had had no therapy.
It feels like this irreversible mistake that's altered the entire course of my life. I've had therapists tell me that what they did was cruel and immature but even if they were in the wrong, it doesn't change how my life has ended up after that event.