For me existence is the sign and I'll personally only and always wish to not exist no matter what, all I wish for is an eternal dreamless sleep free from all cruelty and suffering where this futile, torturous existence is finally all gone and no longer my problem and I'd just never wish to exist rather all I want is to never suffer ever again.
Only non-existence can solve and take away what I see as the true problem which is existence itself and I'd just always prefer to not exist than be burdened with this existence I always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake it's one that just causes harm and suffering until non-existence takes away all anyway and I'll just always see existence as an abomination, more than anything I wish I was never burdened with this existence and simply just existing is enough to make me want to sleep permanently. I just want all to be forgotten for me, I'd always prefer to be unconscious for all eternity than be burdened with this existence just waiting to not exist anyway with no limit as to how much one can suffer, the thought of being trapped in this existence until old age is just so unbearable and terrifying to me.