Discussion What was it like?

[loser4ever4life]

Massive Trigger warning regarding attempt experiences

I know that ctb via OD on prescription pills is not really recommended due to the high degree of failure. But for those who did make an attempt using such a method, what was it like? In that I mean, what were you feeling when you took the pills, what were you feelings after? Assuming you didn't call for help, what was waking up like?

Asking because as my own day approaches, without reliable access to surefire methods, I have to rely on this method and I can feel myself panicking, I don't want to call someone and back out because the consequences will be too dire. Just wanting to see what others mindsets were

 

[mossrabbit]

From what I've gathered from other OD attempt posts/stories, the type of medication very much dictates lethality, potential damage to your body in the event of failure, and what the experience tends to feel like.

What kind of medication were you thinking of using?

 

[loser4ever4life]

I appreciate the comment but I'm looking less for a how-to guide and more so account of what they experienced in the moments and actions, throughout the ordeal.

I have gone with an unusual method so I won't post it since people on here are going to tell me things I don't want to hear, sometimes you just gotta make do with what you have

I'll clarify some more; I am not asking oh what was it like to take something like SN (the physical symptoms of fast heart rate and blacking out) but moreso the psychological buildup, the headspace you were in when you first put it in your mouth and the moments after. For those who called someone, why?

 

[loser4ever4life]

Just going to bump this thread since I did make it late and night and am still very interested in hearing from the community

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I tried it twice with propranolol. Nothing happened though; just got drowsy.

 

[loser4ever4life]

I tried it twice with propranolol. Nothing happened though; just got drowsy.

Wow, glad you're still with us. So you just felt numb when taking it and after?

 

[-nobodyknows-]

Wow, glad you're still with us. So you just felt numb when taking it and after?

No not numb, just sleepy

 

[jolow1]

I tried it twice with propranolol. Nothing happened though; just got drowsy.

How much propranolol did you take?

 

[lilurki]

I tried with Seroquel and Benadryl and felt horrible I wanted to crawl out of my skin and remember screaming from the pain. I threw up and hardly felt any relief...

I went in an ambulance and almost passed out during the ride and having an iv put in me felt like hell.

I think spent days in the ICU and having to pee with a catheter it was all a horrible experience, and I can't in any way recommend it.

I would truly avoid any type of OD besides SN or other reliable methods.

 

[VoidButterfly]

I've tried two ODs, the second one was a complete failure to launch because I tried to be smart but turned out to be really stupid. The first one though I did the way you're meant to do it, more or less. Zopiclone, sertraline, and co-dydramol.

The actual decision to do it was extremely impulsive. I'd been suicidal for a while and there was nothing specific that pushed me over the edge and no date chosen, I just was having a really difficult night and felt frustrated and the time between making the decision and being ready to leave the house with all my meds was very short. I went out to a field in the middle of the night, sat down, and just sat there for a while. It was a weird feeling, very calm despite the question of whether I was gonna actually do it or not just cycling through my head over and over. I'd say it felt like being in a daze. At some point I just kinda felt like an impulse to take the first handful of meds and did it and after that I just kept doing it like a dam broke, it was like all the doubt was gone and I'd chosen the path. I was angry with the world that it had come to that but I didn't get upset. I remember being really annoyed and impatient at how long it takes to actually open that many pills. I don't remember much after that, I think because of the zopiclone I'd taken.

When I woke up my head felt very foggy. It took a moment to even understand what had happened and where I was. I was really disappointed to see the day and honestly quite confused. I hadn't done any research so I did not expect to wake up. I got up and walked myself home, and immediately went back to bed. I woke up again a little later and I noticed in a mirror I was yellow. I got a drink but there was like sand in it, and I didn't understand as there was nothing in the drink. I checked in a mirror and the entire middle of my tongue had dissolved leaving a big cavern down the middle of it. This felt really awful, seeing myself dissolving was one of the things that has really stuck with me emotionally, that freaked me out. I don't remember exactly when the pain started but I know it hurt, I had a really bad tummy pain but eventually for some reason my shoulders hurt the most, I don't understand that but it's what happened. Anyway I spent most most of that day in bed feeling like a failure and a piece of shit but still kinda hoping I was still just going through part of the dying process, so I never sought help. Eventually I had to come to terms with still being alive, that's its own battle.

 

[Carrot]

It can go in many ways. All my attempts were entirely painless at any stage of attempts, but that doesn't mean it is always the case.

I prepared an insane amount of various pills. You can think of it like a bag of chips, but it was filled with pills. And alcohol. I just kept eating it until I passed out. Had absolutely no doubts at the time, no survival instinct at all. There are times when you prefer death that's all.

If I taped my face at that time, I'd likely be dead from vomit while unconcious. It was a gamble when/if I passed out though.