Discussion What triggers your CTB?

[Fadeawaaaay]

If I think of my ex and specific beautiful moments we had that I'll never experience again with anyone else, my desire to CTB kicks in hard…

 

[Snake of Eden]

Mostly being reminded of the fact that i could never do anything to fix my situation mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and socially. I have hit a dead end with all these aspects and I am cornered.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Mostly being reminded of the fact that i could never do anything to fix my situation mentally, physically, emotionally, financially and socially. I have hit a dead end with all these aspects and I am cornered.

It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem… (Just kidding)

 

[ClownMe]

My desires to ctb go up a notch at night because I know im about to re-live the same miserable day again tomorrow, I call it the Groundhog Day effect. It's a catch 22, sleeping is one of the only things I even remotely enjoy anymore, but even that's sad because I know when I wake up I will be stuck in hell again.

Other stuff that triggers it is anything work related and thinking about the future.

 

[Dumbass]

any mentions of death in general

 

[motel rooms]

Especially vivid flashbacks

 

[layne2001]

Lately, everything and anything.

 

[Rustysoupcan]

The thought of me and how I will never be good enough. The person I want to be isnt who I am, and it's not someone I can become. I see people living the life I want, but I cant have that for myself. Which I guess is selfish, but it's my life, I should get to be selfish.

 

[Rayzieka]

I'd say psychotic episodes but I feel like lately everything makes me want to die in a way. Especially things that also make me happy.
After every good or happy moment, it feels like I'm being punched in the stomach and it feels like a wave of depression or suicidal feelings.
I guess I've had a lot of really good moments the last week but each time I felt reminded of how it's not enough, then I feel guilty for it not being enough.
Then I wonder why I'm doing things with other people if I'm just going to hurt them since they weren't enough. It gets annoying.

 

[Belljar]

Legal problems. Thinking of sexual abuse. How my life had potential...I went to a top University and had a loving family...I threw it away. All the chances I had I wrecked.

 

[stellabelle]

If I think of my ex and specific beautiful moments we had that I'll never experience again with anyone else, my desire to CTB kicks in hard…

Dickhead cops, dickhead family members, dickhead "men" who don't take no for an answer, dickhead people who don't stop unwanted touching, dickhead thieves, dickheads who ignore me when I tell them "no" and "stop" and "I don't want your help" and "umm umm umm umm".

 

[Pluto]

For me it's seeing normal people living normal lives. Having families, having careers, making choices, having enough money that they have some basic freedoms. Even when they hit troubles, it seems a part of a grander adventure of thrills and spills. It seems like that is how life is supposed to be. Or, for those living in very rough parts of the world, at least there is a level playing field.

 

[FuneralCry]

Being alive makes me want to ctb. There are no specific things that trigger my need to ctb, it is pretty much everything. At all times the thoughts are there. The thoughts are comforting and they are the only thing that makes sense. Whenever something horrible or unpleasant happens, I think that if I ctb I can escape from all this and be at peace.