RXscenequeen
anorexiqueen
- Nov 8, 2025
- 1
Hello, hi everyone, kind of feel weird posting here because I've been trying my hardest to recover since i was 11 but its been such a shit show and i keep relapsing. I've been suicidal for a good eight years now, while simultaneously struggling with an eating disorder. First it was BED, which i had from 7-10, then bulimia, ages 11-16, then anorexia, ages 17 to now, and I've lost a good 70 lbs over the course of that time. Every day i wake up and feel like i could be thinner, and because i keep rebounding and i see no one my size choosing recovery, i assume there must be no good reason to. Food makes me suicidal. Eating makes me suicidal. Calories make me suicidal. I can't help but feel like i'm beyond repair, all i do is stress out my family, my fiance, my friends, because i wont recover. i abused my medication once and got hospitalized because i was so dehydrated from the mixture of adderall and very large dosages of mounjaro to the point i couldnt even hold down water. I want to die but im so scared of the dying process. I'm tired of being preoccupied with my appearance and keeping other people in the dark about my struggles. I'm tired of struggling with a never ending war with my eating disorder. it only really flaired up when my cat-- who was my best friend-- died a few months back. he was the only real thing i actually gave a shit about, and the only thing in my life that hasn't betrayed me or hurt me in some way shape or form. i just want to see him again.
