Discussion what keeps you here?

[GyreOfAsh]

What keeps me here are many different connections to the world. Structures that form my identity. I'm slowly & systematically ensuring that they're greatly reduced &/or completely separate from my access. Once that process is fully complete, I can go whenever.

 

[eyenumbing]

I don't have a method plus I am terrified of traumatizing anyone who will find my body.

 

[violetforever]

days/moods like today. im more just irritated than suicidal. kind of "rational" too? i feel like one of my reasons for ctb has worn off since i stopped caring so much about that person/situation lately. what the fuck. how did i care so much for 2 years and now i dont seem to? i think i got the closure and exposure i needed. who knows, i might be crying about it and care all over again tomorrow. my feelings about this are so conflicting. i broke down crying in the shower over it a few days ago and today i feel almost nothing?

 

[Unlucky777]

My dad just passed away two months ago and I feel extremely guilty about CTBing cause of the pain it will cause my mom and my older sister.

My nices, I love them and wanna see them grow up. Got another niece on the way.

The potential for a better future. Going back to school to study audio engineering and music production.

I realize how far I've come and how much I've healed from the traumas from the last 15 years.

Despite all this and the fact that things are a lot brighter in my life, I still want to kill myself. It's the only feeling that has been consistent for me

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think my suicide would really upset my Dad so, I'm trying to wait for him to pass first. I have a feeling fear of attempting may hold me back after that but, hopefully I'll push through that.

 

[vivia]

Fear or survival instinct. I can't beat those two, or are they actually the same? It's funny, I really have nothing to lose but I'm still afraid to log out of this world.

 

[vascomorrow]

i'm sure people have already discussed this before, but what keeps you from ctb, even knowing you're going to eventually do it? i've always been curious to what other people have in their lives that keep them around, most people i ask always give really deep meaning answers which i do appreciate but i feel like it doesn't always have to be that deep. for me, it's recently been really small things. one of my favorite shows is dropping new episodes every week and i want to finish it before i inevitably ctb, is it like this for anyone else? am i misconstrued for having such shallow reasons for sticking around?

Oreos

 

[SmigSauer]

Death is a complete unknown. If I was shown undeniable proof that a peaceful afterlife exists, I would shoot myself tomorrow. I only continue to live because the alternative is possibly worse than life.

 

[StillLife]

My mom.
Literally just my mom.

I do have passions and things that sometimes bring me great joy but lately they haven't been enough to tilt the pain scale for my favor.

If it weren't for her I'd be gone for sure. Having experienced the Void NDE and found it comforting I don't fear death or nonexistence all that much.

 

[rigsid]

Personally I'm just waiting to get my hands on SN or similar

 

[Gorge_5155]

Fear. As miserable as I am, at least I'm healthy and able-bodied, I'm afraid if I try to commit suicide I will fuck up somehow and still be alive but permanently disabled and in pain.

 

[haibaralover]

My dad just passed away two months ago and I feel extremely guilty about CTBing cause of the pain it will cause my mom and my older sister.

My nices, I love them and wanna see them grow up. Got another niece on the way.

The potential for a better future. Going back to school to study audio engineering and music production.

I realize how far I've come and how much I've healed from the traumas from the last 15 years.

Despite all this and the fact that things are a lot brighter in my life, I still want to kill myself. It's the only feeling that has been consistent for me

it's a brave thing, stay for those you love. takes a lot of character and strength.

 

[tasmaka]

I fear pain immensely, my main deterrent, my only luck is that when Im desperate, Im self destructive.

Also I fear my life would really mean nothing, I want to do a bit more good for others before I go.

 

[haibaralover]

Fear. As miserable as I am, at least I'm healthy and able-bodied, I'm afraid if I try to commit suicide I will fuck up somehow and still be alive but permanently disabled and in pain.

i fear this too, especially after a failed attempt. i have no clue what it's done to my body since i never went to the hospital but i know i definitely fucked something up. it terrifies to think about the reality that it might happen again

 

[witchcraft]

Fear. Guilt. Getting conned once again by fucking life dangling yet another carrot in front of me as if things could actually turn around and get better.

 

[haibaralover]

I fear pain immensely, my main deterrent, my only luck is that when Im desperate, Im self destructive.

Also I fear my life would really mean nothing, I want to do a bit more good for others before I go.

i feel that. i want to help so many people before i go to make up for all the hurt ive inflicted, but eventually i feel i need to give up this morality so i can finally be free

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

Definitely just SI. It's the only thing that defies my logic and reason. I have my wife, but I know she'll be okay. Her thoughts about being alive are very different from mine. Probably if she were sick, that would be a relevant factor. I love her.

 

[paskins]

very random but i love ur pfp!! NSO is peak :>

<3 it was between this and omori

 

[haibaralover]

Heated Rivalry. There's a huge fandom for it too. Won't be for everyone but I am obsessed. Do you have a current fave show?

oooo neat!! i will look into it, lot of people have been telling me it's good. i'm currently stuck on jujutsu kaisen lololol, they've been releasing new episodes recently and its sooo good

 

[Underthetrees]

i'm sure people have already discussed this before, but what keeps you from ctb, even knowing you're going to eventually do it? i've always been curious to what other people have in their lives that keep them around, most people i ask always give really deep meaning answers which i do appreciate but i feel like it doesn't always have to be that deep. for me, it's recently been really small things. one of my favorite shows is dropping new episodes every week and i want to finish it before i inevitably ctb, is it like this for anyone else? am i misconstrued for having such shallow reasons for sticking around?

My kids...I dont want to hurt them emotionally. If I were not for them I'd be done. Also my pets-i dont trust my family members to care for the furbabies properly, and they wouldn't understand why I'm not here anymore. I'm not afraid to die. Im already suffering physical pain everyday. When you hurt so bad for so long dieing stops seeming scary and starts looking like relief.

 

[raikko]

i'm sure people have already discussed this before, but what keeps you from ctb, even knowing you're going to eventually do it? i've always been curious to what other people have in their lives that keep them around, most people i ask always give really deep meaning answers which i do appreciate but i feel like it doesn't always have to be that deep. for me, it's recently been really small things. one of my favorite shows is dropping new episodes every week and i want to finish it before i inevitably ctb, is it like this for anyone else? am i misconstrued for having such shallow reasons for sticking around?

My little brother died 2 years ago and that ruined my mom, it happened a month before I was planning to commit suicide.

Now, I had a pretty vivid dream about dying and not being sure if I was really dead, and for that short dream I ended up missing my family a lot. It's stopping me, but that doesn't mean I don't want to do it,