Discussion What is the worst thing you've done (confession thread?)

[Xeno12481632]

As the title says, what is the worst thing you think you've ever done? Do you strongly regret it? Does it keep you up at night? If you don't regret it, can you see how it was morally wrong? Does or does it not play into your decision to cbt?

I won't judge; keep in mind, however unforgiveable you think your act is, no one on earth has lived a spotless life. We are all unclean, and we all live in glass houses.

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I'll go first

There's this guy who I knew from high school and got along with pretty well, since we shared the same interests (internet brainrot, anime, etc) and were both autistic. High school ended, I lost contact with everyone (my fault) but didn't really mind, and everyone moved on, going their own way. Until one day we saw each other again at a city train station and reconnected somewhat. After a while he confided in me that he was feeling horrible because his best friend was cutting him off from everything and was gravitating towards other people, doing things she'd never do with him. He felt used and inadequate and since this friend was one of the closest people he had in his life, it really hurt him, especially since he's emotionally vulnerable about people in general (I am too).

What started as me trying to be there for a friend somehow turned into a kind of limerent obsession. I was there 24/7 typing up wall length messages, saying the exact things he wanted to hear (which was easy since I heavily related to him), talking to him every moment of the day, divulging into anyone and everything we could find to spend time on. It was fun, I really enjoyed his company, I hope he did mine too. We grew very close and he opened up to me about things he has never told anyone. He was happy someone finally understood him (I did), he worked on his mental health (got officially diagnosed with depression (and is hopefully seeing a therapist now I hope?)), he quit his studies to enroll in a more rewarding field, and he was just glad I could be there to support him throughout it, and was glad he could have me as a friend. And that it would stay that way. Whenever he was doubtful or anxious and asked if I would leave him, I told him I'd be there for him forever.

So I dipped out of the relationship. Don't understand why I did it myself. I could talk about SI or self sabotage but in the end there really is no excuse. One day I just stopped replying and essentially ghosted him forever. And yes, whilst he did have other people in his life and a general support system, things I said to convince myself that my absence didn't matter in the long run, it must've hurt right? To have your closest friend abandon you for seemingly no reason while you already suffer from abandonment issues due to your previous best friend leaving you all the same. He's already prone to blaming himself for problems he can't make sense of logically, going so far as to self harm, so it's not like this was a victimless crime, even if only for a while.

It's been around a year or so now. I'm pretty sure he's moved on and is doing okay in life, and thinking back I've proably overestimated my importance to him. But it was still a genuinely terrible thing to do. I know I wouldn't have been okay if it happened to me.

Just being a bully to whoever is good to me beyond a certain level; it feels repulsive to be emotionally close to anyone. I did manage to overcome this with a few ppl and be on good terms with them, but i never let myself be attached to them and just never thought deeply abt them. Until one of them whos actually the closest friend ive ever made in my life got very depressed n suicidal (he didnt even tell me bc he knew my reaction would be trashy, heard from a mutual friend) he just started being distant and i just acted like an entitled bitch hounding him abt not being a good enough friend until i found out (even afterwards tbh), i have even wished he would die quicker. Hes been fine now for 2 years now that the life circumstances causing his suicidality are gone, he reached out again right after he started being hopeful but i never forgave him bc hes said some hurtful things in that phase (he doesnt know i have that grudge, i dont have the heart to tell him; i love him but i also hate him, idk) hes started being distant again, probs tired of my constant negativity that he tried his best to help with and failed (bc of my grudge, ofc. how could i accept any kindness from someone like that? But all i now want is for him to give me another chance) and again i have thoughts that itd have been easier if he didnt make it n just died back then. I had many chances to talk it out w him but i never did. I even understand why he would act that way, ive been worse w milder issues; i understand even more now that im suicidal. But i still keep thinking like that. Ive just failed him overall, i knew well before he started showing behavioral changes that he would be facing a tough stage in life soon, i knew he would struggle, but all i thought about was myself, just treating his worries and insecurities like its gossip im learning for shits and giggles. Then be the worst person for a depressed person to be around. Just watching a guy lose all hope and joy w no idea what to do n go "he wouldnt talk to me like before, i wish he just dies, what an asshole" Ive wronged him, i wanted to be a better friend, but he should beg for my forgiveness first
I just wanna go back in time and prevent this all from going down.

 

[plzoffme]

When I was 10, my step sister who was 6 at the time started grinding on me and I liked it. I never forced myself on her or anything but it went from a playful game to
her on top of me. I still have deep guilt about this.

 

[decayofangels]

How?

I used to have a friend, and one night we were arguing. They killed themselves after.

 

[isaac clarke]

Worst thing I've ever done? Probably cheated. And lie to everyone that I'm single. I've been trying to break up for years but he wont let me and I have a weak backbone. He's obsessed and too good to me, though. I just wish he would take that love and give it to someone who actually wants it. Ive literally told him I dont love him romantically anymore and he told me it was okay, and that I was "still his girlfriend". Not sure how to put my foot down. Just a huge mess all over the place.