What is the reason you are suicidal?

[AnonymousCupcake]

My response was getting long here, so I made a separate post.

Why I'm suicidal

I've had a crush on a guy for YEARS ever since we met in high school. He told me over a year ago now that it'd be cool to date me and that was one of the happiest days of my life. We eventually started kissing thinking we were gonna date, but everything was all temporary. The last time we kissed...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[NonEssential]

Don't feel like going into detail again, I'm just filled with despair,
hopelessness, loneliness and overall just feel like a failure for whom it would be best not to experience the horrible future.

 

[ih34rty0u]

no love and mental illness. my illness isnt curable, but i dont think i would be suicidal if i had people who truly love me.

 

[doomedforsure]

i cant adapt to this society

 

[grandmotherboxing]

I was suicidal since i was 4 years old. I have autism ("high functioning") and secondary hypogonadism since age 8 (i am 21 now). I was obese for most of my life. This took a toll on me physically and mentally so i have visible gray hairs at age 21. I have been abused by my family non stop even into adulthood due to my perpetual illness, trips to doctors who scoffed at me and inability to hold a job due to the escalation of physical agony from my hormonal problems to the extent that I have seemingly permanent metabolic nerve damage that I take medications for. Before that I was dragged around shrinks for being weird at school and given so many misdiagnoses and pills that could have destroyed me. I have multiple suicide attempts that failed behind me, all of them being interpreted as "the coward's way out." Other than just being weird at school i was singled out by everyone due to not being part of their age old cliques and so I switched four schools, always the new kid. I only have a computer and internet connection and thats not gonna last.

Speaking of illness, regarding my hormonal torment i only got the diagnosis a month ago and started therapy. But therapy isnt going smoothly, because as of the end of September, now that i am a fully grown man, my mother, an evil, abusive, gaslightung narcissist that made me cry myself to sleep attempting to patch cognitive dissonance up and connect two opposing views of her and convince myself my torture is in my head broke the camels back. I beat her senseless. My father sides with me and then turns around and at random moments defends her for some reason.

Everyone around me is an agent of torturous stagnation and I dont even have the ability to kill myself while in recovery due to my limited energy, hell even mobility and access to anything that wouldn't be incredibly painful. I live at a high enough height that if I jumped I wouldn't die but just become a vegetable most likely.

I bet they would mock me in hospice if I was one.

I might tell the full story but TL;DR i have no money, no real friends, no hope, no one and nothing but unironically. Its not emotions. I could get past those if the torture was not constant. And I cannot escape anywhere because my health is too shit at the moment. If I was an ass id make the joke that the only "paper I can flex" is a PTSD diagnosis and medication that doesnt work.

I will most likely end up homeless.

I dont know who I could call or what I could do. I cannot trust anyone in this kleptocracy

I have not had a single happy moment in my life.

The only one I can recall vividly is an internet relationship from years back that forever left a happy comfort for me.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Even if the top reason solved i would still want my suicide asap. I will always be suicidal.

I would never want to live or exist under any circumstances not even as a disembodied Ai with no pain receptors

I reject everything about life , this world , and existence except my suicide as soon as possible

my suicide will improve my situation more than any human in history. me killing myself will get me out of the worst trap and into the most perfect state non-existence forever. 5 minutes of taking a drink or 5 minutes of shooting myself will kill me and so i will cease to exist forever.

my suicide will get me out of the worst trap and solve all my problems instantly and forever. non-existence forever means i will never suffer no pain ever , no problems no bad memories . that to me is the best state the only perfection. eternal non-existence is the only guarantee of never suffering so badly it's a trillion times worse than you can imagine

 

[Alexandra_]

I can't exist in my body for some serious reasons

 

[wilderwein]

The love of my life, my soulmate, proposed to me and left me a few months later . Because of me. Every day is an unbearable torture for me, I'm going crazy. My parents are also putting pressure on me and I understand them, but I can't turn off my emotions because I truly love. He has done so much for me, and I've ruined everything with my stupid behavior and my own inner problems , I made him hurts much times But I have never betrayed him. I don't even have the strength to take a shower. It sounds like a trivial story but I'm losing my mind. I've tried to continue but I cant. If the situation were different, I would be the happiest person in the world, just like before.

 

[cloud;.]

Severe anxiety, depression, autistic and to be honest with you im in a lot of debt right now.. so yeah... been suicidal since I was a teenagaer..

 

[divinemistress87]

Treatment resistant depression, ptsd, brain injury and all the greed and selfish of humans

 

[lovelydove]

This is my first time ever posting on here cause this question caught my attention.

I think my biggest reason is probably money and the endless amount of work I have to do to get it. I just dont want to live in a world where I have to earn my place in it, and I dont think thats a problem thats going to be solved any time soon.

 

[elenaboo25]

Lots of reasons.
Childhood trauma, being autistic, recurrent depression...
But at the moment, the most pressing issue is that I have now been stupid enough to enter into a relationship twice, and both times it has gone really badly. The first time the person broke up with me after roughly two months, and I was very suicidal when that happened. This time I am faced with having to end the relationship, as the person is emotionally abusive. I have been thinking of nothing but when and how exactly to ctb all weekend, but I haven't figured it out yet. Additionally, my boss will likely blame me for the end of the relationship, and I will then be at risk of losing my job. Being autistic, finding another job is hard. I have tried repeatedly to find a different job, but I am stuck in my current job. It is not a bad job, but I rely on the income and can't just give it up either. My boss has been bugging me about getting a boyfriend since January. I finally got one in August, and now on Wednesday she said to me that she was right in that I would find a boyfriend again. I said let's see how long it lasts, and she said I shouldn't say that. She belives in manifestation, so now that I have said that to her it is as if I have "manifested" or wished for the relationship to go badly. And on Wednesday night the abusive behaviour from my boyfriend started. So if I break up with him my boss will blame me for it, but I also can't in good conscience stay with him.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

Existence is pure torture. It's just a fact and will never change. I want out.

 

[Irisse]

Trauma, paranoia and bad memories.

 

[corpse]

For me there are many reasons, but one of them is loneliness.

 

[vira]

and if that problem is solved,will you still be suicidal?

i hate life, which i guess if i was dead, i wouldn't be suicidal. so i guess? idk

 

[peewee]

the love of my life turned agaisnt me, broke me, got me kicked out my community, isolated me, i want to stop sffering

 

[X-sanguinate86]

I don't think I was truly loved by my caregivers and I am probably some sort of neuro-divergent. From there it's been a lifetime of failures and disappointments. I'm always the one no one really respects or cares about. I can't run away from it even if I isolate. Even when some things make me happy it's never enough to cure the misery drone that's always whirring in the background.

If that could be changed then I probably wouldn't be suicidal. But...it's never going away. I'd have to become extremely successful all of a sudden then be able to develop as a person and make amazing memories to drown out the other ones. It won't happen.

 

[deaddollie]

i feel like I've failed as a member of society. Barely any social life. No romance. No experiences. My youth is wasting away and I'll never get it back. I want to die and start all over again, on some other planet or universe/reality. Nothing in life is fair and i'm tired of dealing with this unjust world. I'm at the point in my mental illness where I beg for a mass shooting to happen wherever I go, so I can die quickly.

 

[katarinabluu]

to be honest like that one person that named 100 reasons, i could name 500. im not going to do that but i will say existence in itself is a reason. people will cope with religion theyll cope with having kids or whatever but the truth is even if u were blessed to live a happy life u will die alone and there is nothing after it. we arent special we arent important we exist to pay taxes.