Discussion What do you intend on writing in your suicide note?

[VegasLyra]

Personally I'm starting it with "This has been set in motion for a very, very long time" because it's true. Ever since 8 years ago no path ending in anything other than me CTBing was possible.

What about you guys? What do you intend on writing in your note, if you're leaving any?

 

[IwantSN]

I don't think I'll leave one ,but if I did I'd probably try to explain why I decided to end my life and that it wasn't really anyone's fault but maybe mine and that there's nothing anyone could have done to make me not kill myself.

 

[ohsosleepy]

I think about this a lot, because what are you even supposed to write in a suicide note? I guess there's no wrong answer.

I'll probably end up leaving one, I would feel too bad about leaving my family in the dark, even though they could probably figure it out (not the first time).

Probably just explain my reasoning and reassurance that they shouldn't feel any guilt, because there's nothing that could be done about it. Though I'm really bad at dealing with heavy topics, so last notes were also full of love and appreciation, haha

 

[l1ablemistakes]

I've written some of mine. A lot of apologising and thanking people for being there for me, telling them how much I love them and how I know I'm loved. The take home message is you couldn't have stopped me; my life is fine, perfect even, I'm just too weak and ungrateful to handle it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd write one to explain that ceasing to exist is my way of finding peace from the suffering, cruelty and torture of existing, in this existence so torturous and terrible that just causes harm and suffering non-existence is just all that's positive to me, existence truly is a mistake that never should had been imposed.

I'd just always prefer the true permanent peace of non-existence over the torture of this dreadful existence where there is no limit as to how much agony one can feel and for me every second is torture to be conscious, I just want to erase this existence, for me ceasing to exist solves everything and is suffering prevention, I find it horrific how the torture of existing can continue for decades longer just for one to face the extreme unbearable agony of old age.

 

[violetforever]

i dont want to write one. wont my family find my acc on this forum anyway? everything ive said on here will explain.

 

[metfan647]

'Tamam shud'.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Warm and nostalgic letters filled with love an forgiveness personalized for those whom I love and only they get to have those letters. I feel like I should credit those who have been so good to me all my life.

Truly, it's not their fault (they'll still think that), and it's been planned for so long.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

i will write that i am sorry and that its not their fault, and that i love them. for each person i will tell them how much they mean to me and what they meant to me. that there was nothing they could have done to stop it and that them being in my life only made it better. and to all support and care for each other and be good to each other.

 

[dontwakemeup]

My 1st 2 attempts I wrote everyone letters. My most important message was there wasn't anything you could have done to stop me. I never want people to feel guilty or think they should've done more. My last attempt, I was falling asleep fast so I did a video message for everyone and focused on my best memories of them and how thankful I was that they helped me through this life.

I had a co worker who son left a note and died at home. The police finally called the mother weeks later to come pick up the note. Surprisingly, she said she would never go get it because she wanted to remember him the way he was. I thought it was rude, but not my decision.

 

[comeoutandhauntme]

i'd write multiple. the first would be a general note for anyone to read, i wouldn't care if it was shared so that anyone who ever knew me could get closure if they so wanted it. it would be a more broad overview about how i've felt this way for so long, it was my own decision, and that nothing anyone could've done would've stopped me short from physical intervention. and also just a goodbye message to be remembered by, some final words or encouragement, etc.

after that, i'd write multiple individualized letters. one for my parents, my sister, and for each of my closest friends. all of them would get a bit more of an in depth look into the "why," my parents more than anyone bc they don't rlly know anything abt me. all of them would thank them for being in my life, remind them how much i love them, highlight specifics of our relationship, and emphasize they could not have stopped me and to not feel guilty. id likely mention specific memories as well

 

[pax420]

I'm probably not going to delete my account here because this place is really the only thing I have left anything of myself on. Plus there is not one person who would even question where I went. I just realized that all I will have to show for 57 years of some kind of existence is a couple months of posts on here. What a waste of a life. The ones of you who have people to leave a note for, consider yourselves lucky. I'm just going to leave a goodbye post on here.

 

[no mas]

You have been on my mind and in my since we chatted the other day. Did you get the cataract surgery on your other eye yesterday? If so, how did it go?

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I have a very long detailed note, that I keep on a file on my computer. I've added to it consistently over the years with my thoughts feelings and philosophy on life. It's practically a small book at this point or a diary of some sort. But part of me considers just destroying it and never giving it to my family, because there are certain people who will never accept my decision no matter how well I articulate my thoughts or how rationally I lay everything out.

They will simply paint their own narrative and claim that I was not of sound mind or brainwashed or they will blame certain people or events that caused it... and they are influential enough that they will be able to convince everyone else to view it their way. So in a sense, my note might be totally pointless.

 

[MyLastTour]

I've given it thought, but I don't think anything I write will ever really be enough. If I truly committed to the writing of it, it would end up being long yet outdated and stuck in drafting hell. That's without accounting for the personal cost of it too. Leaving is hard enough without trying to preemptively confront the fallout of inflicting the worst emotional pain I could inflict on the people I love the most. It gets too much thinking about my beloved.

 

[NameOfAction]

I have given it so much thought it's laughable. I refuse to leave a novel, and anything less would be inadequate to explain. Thus I've settled on a sticky note at the door saying "CAUTION! Dead body, gas ahead. Don't enter without police."

And another, attached to the plastic bag on my head "Please cremate"

 

[itsgone2]

I've written a bunch of stuff already. Apologies. Also advice on what I thought my family should do. But I hate it because basically I'm in this spot because of all the stupid decisions I've made in life. Who am I to give advice? Even though everything seems clear now.
Somewhere recently, I started writing other notes. It's also a goodbye, but it's way darker.

 

[thefarter]

i will either write something like 'brb'
or alternatively a long apology to a guy i deeply wronged. and another guy. and a note begging someone to deal with the guy who SA'd me.
andddddddddd probably a list of everyone who made me wanna kill myself

and ik they won't care but that's how im feeling bro

 

[aushunaph]

i'll finally be able to tell them how much i hate them and how they truly didn't do enough. i know it'll hurt them and im only saying it because im angry and depressed, but i'll be dead so i dont really care

 

[Bitch With An Apple]

I'm gonna send youtube videos
It's the modern way!
Also unfortunately cements my status as a vapid consoomer but hey they say a picture tells a thousand words, so a thousand pictures must tell a million

 

[glitterpvppy]

Confessing to my sister that her husband SA d me

 

[dinkthemudhead]

I want to address the people who made me feel the way I do in my note but at the same time I don't want this note to be about them. At the end of the day your "end" is your moment, it shouldn't be about anyone else besides you, you are the most important person in your world and your world is coming to an end, so I'd say don't focus on the one's who make you feel the way you do and celebrate yourself and everything you got to do in this life. The people who ruined you already know who they are, and if it's a crime what they've done there's almost no point. If it's a crime give a witness testimony and ctb after so you have some sense of peace of mind. If it were my note at the end of the day I would defintly have a large section of the note dedicated to what I'm happy I've achieved in this life and how excited I am to see what's next, that's it.

 

[SentimentalTrip]

Just like you, I'd talk about how long I've been experiencing depression (10 years). This is mostly so I don't go with a guilty conscience. But if I had any sense, I'd go on a written tirade denouncing my family for their verbal and physical abuse and for raising me in an environment where I was constantly exposed to alcoholism and domestic violence. These people are loathsome, but I can't find myself writing a letter like that.

 

[kk13]

Im not leaving one for my family because i know whatever i write they will never understand why i did it. I might leave a prescheduled email to my best friend telling her that there was nothing she could've done to save me because this is what was always meant to happen

 

[DisIsDaPhoenyx]

I don't know what I'm gonna say just yet, but I do know I want to leave voice recording instead of notes. On one of my prior attempts I wrote a note and it took forever. I had to do a rough draft! and then I rewrote it a couple times because my handwriting wasn't formatting correctly. It was just a lot of hassle and work for nothing. So, I want to leave voice recording, they'll be more true to me and they'll here how this whole idea progressed.

 

[locketofroses]

Personally I'm starting it with "This has been set in motion for a very, very long time" because it's true. Ever since 8 years ago no path ending in anything other than me CTBing was possible.

What about you guys? What do you intend on writing in your note, if you're leaving any?

The only really important thing I want to make sure I get across is that my boyfriend couldn't have saved me. His mental health isn't exactly the greatest either, and I'm really scared he might do the same if I do it. I just want to reassure him it wasn't his fault, that he had nothing to do with my decision, in fact he made me want to get better. And for him to know I love him more than anything.

 

[XxEstenxX]

I already written mine. I just asked for any loved one who sees my note to fulfill a few wishes of mine, like the song I want played at my funeral, or for my cat to sniff my dead body so she'll know Im dead and that I didnt leave her. And I asked them to not be sad about my death. Because I wouldnt feel bad about it, so neither should they :)

 

[Strangerdanger7]

She lived a long rich life and transitioned in a state of eternal bliss.

 

[grungy自殺]

It's difficult for me to explain. Not to sound grandiose but I am planning to write one that is long and it's one that isn't typical of one that would write these kinds of notes.

What I mean is, it'll be a note that'll basically be quite a document of 50+ pages long

And it'll contain various things that have happened in my life that led up to that point

Though I am considering drafting a shorter one of a few pages in case if I go through with my own ctb in a few months (likely by the end of spring and beginning of summer)