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Wolf Girl

Wolf Girl

"This place made me feel worthless"
Jun 12, 2024
585
It could be intrusive thoughts, or coming out of a bipolar episode, or just growing pains for someone who is developmentally behind. But I feel terrible about myself. I feel disgusting and do not want to be perceived. I hate myself for every time I was accidentally toxic or annoying or just cringe. This shame is killing me and the hard part is I WAS wrong and an asshole or embarrassing in those instances.

I am kind of lowkey losing it over this this past week. I don't have social anxiety, but might have OCD. How do I stop these endless intrusive thoughts when allowing them makes me suicidal?
 
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Member
Aug 25, 2018
689
Primarily, I remind myself that I have an illness whose symptoms occasionally lead to emotional harm on the people close to me and that, in a sense, to feel guilt or shame about this is similar to someone with diabetes feeling guilty about their irritability from low blood sugar, or someone with a migraine feeling guilty about needing silence and shutting people out for it.

"I am not the problem. The illness is the problem."

It can also help to put perspective on perceived wrongdoings. For instance, looking at the world around us... When is the last time you caused someone to lose their home? Or denied someone access to healthcare? Or rejected someone's core identity? Or abandoned a pet at the side of the road? Or scammed a senior out of their savings? Or street raced down the highway? This isn't to dismiss the impact of your problematic behaviour but to just acknowledge its place in the bigger picture.

For as much as you are responsible for your own actions, the other person is responsible for how they react to your actions and for reconciling themselves with the outward symptoms of your illness. It is also up to them to establish their own boundaries and to communicate those boundaries in a way that's ideally free of judgement against you. In other words, it takes two to argue.

I would say this is more akin to putting perspective on guilt and shame rather than totally absolving yourself of it.

Still, you're dealing with presumably severe-to-extreme mental health conditions that are to a point where you're active on a suicide forum. This fact alone means that it's worth trying to take it easy on yourself, as far as these feelings of shame.

Highly unlikely any of this would free your mind of these feelings, but any reduction in intensity is still something.

This shame is killing me and the hard part is I WAS wrong and an asshole or embarrassing in those instances.
If there are specific instances that you just can't reconcile with, you could consider apologizing for them.

By "apologizing", I mean a full apology where you acknowledge the wrongful action (state what you did), admit responsibility (own the wrongdoing, sans excuses), actually state the words ("I'm sorry" or "I apologize"), offer to make amends (eg. "I'd like to make it up to you by doing this or doing that"; "how can I make it up to you?"), and tell them what you'll do differently going forward ("this is what I'm doing differently, going forward"; commit to doing better in the future).

Ideally, only apologize once. And do so without expectations of the other person. Remember that a dry response or outright silence isn't necessarily indicative of rejection -- it could just be that they need time to process it.

With any apology, if you're not satisfied with their response and feel compelled to repeat it, you could say something like, "Will you forgive me," or, "Do you accept my apology?" But I wouldn't push it further than that. You've owned your wrongdoing -- what the other person does with that, is totally on them.
 
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amerie

amerie

an earthworm sprinkled with salt
Oct 6, 2024
864
I know you can't technically "think" your way out of this, but here's something that's personally helpful for me. It might not work for you but it helps me.

I've fucked up a ton in life, and by fucked up I mean bad. I have so many embarrassing moments that I don't even want to list them here. But I live in a very overpopulated, and transient city, and literally no one cares about who I am or what I do unless they know me personally. Most people who have seen me do stupid shit moved away a long time ago and can't hold it against me. I've been perceived as popular and classy and weird and inelegant, just focus on being better now.
 
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trying ungracefully

trying ungracefully

Member
Jun 11, 2025
66
Self compassion and the three components of it. https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/
There is a tab to see the elements of it.

But my therapist told me about this and the three things, self kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness can help. It takes practice over time. The one that really helps me is common humanity though. I'm not the first person to be feeling a certain way and knowing that I'm not completely different than everyone helps.
 

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