What can I do to make my departure easier for my mother?

[LonelyOutcast0528]

I fucked up and ruined my life. Years of solitude, porn addiction, abuse, lack of intimacy and touch, and sexual misery have drained me. I'm constantly exhausted, my mental health is falling apart, and my future is collapsing too. I messed up my finals and it's now the end of my academic ambitions. And now I'm looking for a way to end it as to not fall even lower than I already did. I think I made up my mind a long time ago. I've been wrestling with these thoughts for years now, but it feels like they've finally taken over. Failing my finals was only the catalyst that pushed me closer to acting on them.

I'm already exhausted as it is. I think it's time for an eternal rest. Being tired day and night is unbearable, and it doesn't feel like much of a life anymore.

My only issue is my mother. She's fragile and getting older, and I know for sure that my departure would destroy her. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice? What should I do? I'm also a devout believer in God, and I believe that what I'm considering is a sin, which is another concern of mine, though a lesser one, I guess.

 

[Gabbi_Station]

I fucked up and ruined my life. Years of solitude, porn addiction, abuse, lack of intimacy and touch, and sexual misery have drained me. I'm constantly exhausted, my mental health is falling apart, and my future is collapsing too. I messed up my finals and it's now the end of my academic ambitions. And now I'm looking for a way to end it as to not fall even lower than I already did. I think I made up my mind a long time ago. I've been wrestling with these thoughts for years now, but it feels like they've finally taken over. Failing my finals was only the catalyst that pushed me closer to acting on them.

I'm already exhausted as it is. I think it's time for an eternal rest. Being tired day and night is unbearable, and it doesn't feel like much of a life anymore.

My only issue is my mother. She's fragile and getting older, and I know for sure that my departure would destroy her. I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice? What should I do? I'm also a devout believer in God, and I believe that what I'm considering is a sin, which is another concern of mine, though a lesser one, I guess.

I would at least try to leave a nice note- talking about the good times and how much those memories meant to you and telling her she's not to blame.

 

[LonelyOutcast0528]

I feel like the current West completely dismisses the psychological damage that years of loneliness, sexual misery, lack of affection, intimacy, touch, and relationships can cause, especially for men. Men are expected to just silently endure it and keep functioning as if emotional and sexual deprivation for years is something normal or insignificant. Whenever someone talks about it, they're often told to work on themselves, distract themselves, consume medication, or simply accept it.

Current Western society tries to dismiss the issue instead of seriously addressing it so as not to fix it and to keep this unsustainable social model in place, but years of loneliness, sexual misery, and lack of affection, intimacy, touch, and relationships can seriously damage someone mentally over time. People underestimate what it does to a person. It slowly drains you.

 

[Nolongerlive]

Well, my advice is try not to ctb at home or places that your mother will discover you directly. Try to ctb elsewhere where the news will be brought to her rather than her witnessing the entire event. That's the very least you can do to not causing further upset for her.

 

[LonelyOutcast0528]

I'm too much of a coward to do it.

 

[StillLife]

My mother has been what's been kept me going for a good while now until recently.

But things have begun to be unbearable for me to the point I don't see myself being the same person if I simply endure for her sake.
I think it's better for everyone involved I choose my time rather than lose myself further going forward.

Losing who I am seems much more tragic to me than simply passing away sooner than expected...