what are your thoughts on dying before you can attempt suicide?

[glowing.purple.aura]

Short post, but...

Since my body has been torturing me lately by making me think I'm dying by some sort of heart attack at least 5 times or so now, I was wondering what people's thoughts are on if they were to die before they could attempt (again)

There's a part of me that's like "BUT THEN NOBODY WOULD KNOW HOW BADLY I WAS STRUGGLING THEY'D ALL THINK IT'S SOME SORT OF TRAGEDY AND THAT I NEVER WOULD'VE WANTED THIS ," but then there's a much larger part of me that's just like "I need to fucking die now "

Unfortunately though I don't think these heart issues will kill me because of this lovely phenomenon:

 

[chaoschuckler]

Honestly, I wish that!

 

[Macedonian1987]

I had some hard palpitations caused by a NSAID pain med and every time my heart made these palpitations I prayed to God: please God , let it this be it. I wanted my heart to stop, but sadly it didn't. I'm still here.

 

[mold]

I have a very "oh well" mindset about it. People already knew I wanted to die so I don't think it would be seen any differently vs actually going through with it myself.

 

[SoverignDreamer97]

If I die, I die; though my father, mother, and even the whole world forsake me, the Lord will bring me up. (Esther 4:11, Psalm 27:10)

 

[plantlife]

Logic aside: I'd be very upset (mad, even) if I died from natural causes or an accident. Even if I live to be 80 years old, I still want to die by suicide.

Autonomy and control over my life is extremely important to me. Choosing the time and circumstances of my death is one of the few things I have left. I'm not content to just let it happen.

I had some hard palpitations caused by a NSAID pain med and every time my heart made these palpitations I prayed to God: please God , let it this be it. I wanted my heart to stop, but sadly it didn't. I'm still here.

Ok, I have a funny story to share.

I had heart problems in December, and there was an incident on New Year's Eve where my symptoms resembled a heart attack.

It scared the hell out of me. To me, non-fatal brain damage is worse than death, so I went to the ER.

But it was NYE and busy as all fuck, so they kept me waiting in triage for 9 hours. A girl next to me had a seizure and the nurses basically ignored her.

I decided I'd rather die in nature than in a pissed-up waiting room, so I left without being seen and walked 3km to a natural park overlooking my city. It was 4am.

I climbed Jacob's Ladder (an infamously steep staircase, 242 steps up the side of Mount Eliza), pushing through my chest pain and dizzyness, trying to make my "heart attack" worse. Suicide by exercise.

Suffice to say it didn't work, but! I found a bunch of grapes along the way (discarded from someone's New Year's Party) and I ate them at the top while watching the first sunrise of the year. Felt like a little gift from Dionysus.

Then I went back to the hospital. It was atrial fibrillation lol

 

[dontwakemeup]

I had some hard palpitations caused by a NSAID pain med and every time my heart made these palpitations I prayed to God: please God , let it this be it. I wanted my heart to stop, but sadly it didn't. I'm still here.

The heart palpitations are horrible! It feels like you are having a heart attack. I always think this is it and it will be over soon, so I never seek any help.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Logic aside: I'd be very upset (mad, even) if I died from natural causes or an accident. Even if I live to be 80 years old, I still want to die by suicide.

Autonomy and control over my life is extremely important to me. Choosing the time and circumstances of my death is one of the few things I have left. I'm not content to just let it happen.


Ok, I have a funny story to share.

I had heart problems in December, and there was an incident on New Year's Eve where my symptoms resembled a heart attack.

It scared the hell out of me. To me, non-fatal brain damage is worse than death, so I went to the ER.

But it was NYE and busy as all fuck, so they kept me waiting in triage for 9 hours. A girl next to me had a seizure and the nurses basically ignored her.

I decided I'd rather die in nature than in a pissed-up waiting room, so I left without being seen and walked 3km to a natural park overlooking my city. It was 4am.

I climbed Jacob's Ladder (an infamously steep staircase, 242 steps up the side of Mount Eliza), pushing through my chest pain and dizzyness, trying to make my "heart attack" worse. Suicide by exercise.

Suffice to say it didn't work, but! I found a bunch of grapes along the way (discarded from someone's New Year's Party) and I ate them at the top while watching the first sunrise of the year. Felt like a little gift from Dionysus.

Then I went back to the hospital. It was atrial fibrillation lol

I liked your story. And I especially like the early sunrise photo you took. That's the time I'm gonna ctb via SN, in early sunrise, but I will do it near an abandoned riverside, away from the ugliness of my city. I want to die in nature.

The heart palpitations are horrible! It feels like you are having a heart attack. I always think this is it and it will be over soon, so I never seek any help.

When my heart palpitations happened I was at a very low point in my life (even lower than now, due to a chronic pain flareup that day) The palpitations indeed felt horrible, but I felt a bit of relief when they happened. I thought to myself: excellent I wont have to commit suicide, I will die naturally. Sadly I didn't.

 

[cluefixphantom]

My thoughts keep revolving around feeling sorry for myself, I really had a bad life and was trapped in a bad environment with evil people who see you as easy target, if you are disabled, poor, female. I did not choose any if this. People were malevolent towards me my whole life and abandoned me. I often think about the 'whatifs'. I wish I could have had some good moments in life but this is only available for normal or pretty looking people, the ordinary people who have no genetical disabilities and who aren't poor, and are in some way braindead soldiers who act like cancer cells.

I also have heart pain sometimes I assume it comes from Energy drinks. In recent years, I've been drinking more and more and suffer from bad sleep by neightbors and loneliness, stress from bullying/hate crimes, psychiatric abuse, hopelesness.... and so on. I have disabilities thanks to my parents. And for a very long time, my kidneys are damaged it seems, because my body sweat smells like ammoniac. I never had any real access to healthcare and was just sitting alone all day for year with this shitty circumstances.

I could not move away sadly so I possibly die here from organ failure/stress or CTB. For the next days, I choose to try an attempt with cola and Ibuprofen and Vomex A. It's so stupid it maybe works. I don't want to endure this shitty life, I wish the people who made my life so bad get very sick for this.

 

[HollowSoul]

I wish for it everyday

I wouldnt need to write stupid letter to anybody and also wouldnt have to deal with methods and SI

 

[insectontrial]

I have a genetic disorder which carries a possibility of cognitive decline starting between ages 30 and 40. I often think it would be best to CTB before this even has a chance to catch up with me, but if I got hit by a lorry or a bus tomorrow and died, that would also be fine.