Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[starsshinebright]

just tired and sleepy, a bit lonely i guess since i havent talked with any of my friends in a while

 

[jw_sisyphus97]

passing away the time, grabbing whatever can hold my interest...

 

[Spite]

I truly feel hopeless. I'm losing interest in everything. I'm losing the will to live. Without the will to live... I can't do anything. I'm just existing.

For nearly a month now I have completely and I mean completely lost interest in my creative hobbies. It's like this total, all-consuming anhedonia that suffocates my very soul. I can barely bring myself to do something as simple as playing a video game or watching a show. I just have ZERO motivation to partake in anything. When I come home from work I just sit and stare at my screen for hours on end, either clicking through tabs, refreshing pages, or simply staring off into space - I'm zoned-out. I don't do anything.

I desperately wish I could get back into my creative hobbies but it's like I have to force myself to do it, and it's so uncomfortable.

I also just overall feel hopeless, worthless, pathetic, and loathsome. I really am a waste of life and I should have been aborted.

 

[thefirstluminary]

Annoyed and upset at everything things don't make sense to me anymore

 

[Bybye]

Weird.
In a "I could dig my nails into my chest to rip it open, let all the garbage pour out" kind of way. I'm so mad I haven't put that feeling into a drawing.

 

[Bishop]

Despair. Wanting an exit.

 

[extremelyugly]

Just an emptiness that's never going away again. The world is all full of negatives for me, and I cannot cope with it anymore, and I cannot lie to myself anymore, and I just stopped caring about doing anything anymore. I'm dead. I'm just an angry, resentful, pathetic, hideous-looking zombie. There's not a single thing in my almost 30 years of age noteworthy, and that will not change. So... why? Why? There isn't a reason to continue. I want it to stop. How? Idk.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am perpetually frustrated either because of observing how horrible the world is or because nothing I say or do makes any difference in how my life evolves. Everything just gets a little worse each day. I feel like I have a lot to give, but it goes completely to waste for lack of anyone to give to. None of the "advice" from people makes any sense to me or is completely antithetical to who i am and what I believe. There doesn't seem to be any way I can have anything but a miserable life, and yet I've been unable to find a way out either. I don't know what to do anymore and everything frustrates me.

 

[soullessnes]

Hopelessness, pain, anxiety

 

[Manaaja]

The second I don't do everything as well as I can everything goes to hell.

This world really raises people to be narcissistic evil selfish control freaks, doesn't it?

I looked away for a few days and everything went to hell and now I'm dying.

I wonder if that's what happened to the gods? They were great gods for 14 billion years, then took a three day long break, came back, and the whole universe and life was ruined forever.

WHY ARE HUMANS LIKE THAT? WHY IS THIS WORLD LIKE THAT? WHY CAN'T THINGS GO WELL UNLESS I'M SPECIFICALLY MAKING SURE THEY GO WELL???

IS THIS SOME FUCKING SILENT HILL WHERE THE SECOND YOU STRAY A BIT FROM THE INTENDED PATH YOU ARE NOW IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL HELL?!?!??!

LIFE IS HELL UNLESS I PERSONALLY CONTROL EVERY LITTLE DETAIL FOREVER, IS THAT SO?

I CAN'T DO ANYTHING BUT EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT?!?!?!?!?

 

[Dejected 55]

I look around and see very little redeeming about humanity. I never belong because everyone is so horrible to each other. I look for genuine kindness and connection and it is all but impossible to find in the world. I am so alone, always alone, and it is increasingly difficult to navigate everything the world throws at me without any relief or ability to lean on someone. I also would like to be of value for someone to lean on me as well, I give as good as I would like to receive. There just is no one for me, apparently. It's hard to see a reason to want to continue anything.

 

[endboss]

I am a forgettable NPC in an irrelevant side quest of someone else's story.

 

[scordatura]

I am confused. really confused. i don't understand how everything came to be like this. i seem to be on some different wavelength, i seem like i am out of touch with something that's meant to ground me. something i don't have but everyone else has? something's not right. i'm not right... for some reason? i am confused. i don't know what to.

 

[tomame]

don't know how to type a scream

 

[Cavalcade]

I've been thinking about how fucked up it is that I've basically had to navigate it as if my older brother died. Shit sucks. I still don't know why, or what I did, but at this point, I'm just tired. I can't deal with this anymore. So, as far as I'm concerned, he's dead to me. That's the only way to really move past the enormity of this grief.

 

[Spite]

I wish I could be better. I want to try and change my life circumstances but it's so hard.

I've been feeling those twinges of hope again. It always happens. A couple of times a year I will start to feel hopeful that I can overcome my depression and find happiness, and I delude myself into thinking something good is right around the corner and I can fix my life and find ways to thrive, but every single time I have gotten my hopes up, it has all come crashing down eventually. The glimpses of hope never last long.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm considering joining some kind of social group soon, something that involves physical exercise. Maybe I will be able to get more in-shape and build up some strength through this. I may even make a new friend or two, but I doubt it.

I've tried about a dozen social groups in my life and nothing has ever really worked out for me. I don't have much hope that this one will be the one to magically work in my favour, but I guess I won't know until I try.

 

[dhk96]

I wish I could be better. I want to try and change my life circumstances but it's so hard.

I've been feeling those twinges of hope again. It always happens. A couple of times a year I will start to feel hopeful that I can overcome my depression and find happiness, and I delude myself into thinking something good is right around the corner and I can fix my life and find ways to thrive, but every single time I have gotten my hopes up, it has all come crashing down eventually. The glimpses of hope never last long.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm considering joining some kind of social group soon, something that involves physical exercise. Maybe I will be able to get more in-shape and build up some strength through this. I may even make a new friend or two, but I doubt it.

I've tried about a dozen social groups in my life and nothing has ever really worked out for me. I don't have much hope that this one will be the one to magically work in my favour, but I guess I won't know until I try.

It could help with the anhedonia you mentioned earlier by giving you something to do. I hope the experience is a net positive and that you have a fun time if you choose to join one.

 

[scordatura]

wish i could start again

 

[skybox]

I wish I had something to be proud of something to show I didn't waste the last 13 years, but I don't. I probably never will. All I do lately is cry. I'm crying typing this. I cried at someone else's post, I cry at work I cry at home. I don't know what's wrong with me.

And if I'm not crying it's anger. Hot, loud, screaming, throwing shit type of anger.

I have breakdowns at work over fuck all and my temper snaps the minute a slight hiccup happens. I've gotten into more arguments with my mother, even one of my friends. I am isolating myself. This is actually the first time I've typed really anything in months. I don't talk to anyone about anything, even longtime online friends. We are all getting to old to be online 24/7 (except me) I have no reason to talk to them about my issues because what would come from it? Idk I feel like I'm genuinely getting too old to be spiraling in public like this.

I wish nothing more than an existence of just myself. In my room. All my stuff. Nothing else no expectations nobody just some magical source of all the food and water I need while I rot forever because I don't enjoy anything else apparently oh my god. I started this post crying and now I'm pissed off. Wala. I take my lamictal and hope for the best.

 

[star.trip]

I feel so bad and helpless. I feel like I don't fit in this world. Everything overwhelms me. I feel like life is a game where, no matter what I do, I always lose in the end because I don't know how to play. Everyone manipulates or deceives you (and I'm the fool for not realizing they're deceiving me) to get what they want. Sometimes I notice how people get stronger because of their manipulation (their ego grows stronger while mine fades away). My very existence is the problem.

 

[pika401]

i need to be studying for an exam right now but im not even motivated to live life properly so i land in this forum...

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel like I just want it all to be over. There is no more good coming my way. Perhaps some more tolerable could be found, but never good. Mostly bad coming my way, in various degrees. I have no upside to staying. I am so tired, mentally exhausted from existing this long. I've put so much mental effort into a life that has garnered nothing to show for it. I'm just as alone as I always was, just as miserable, just as near the edge of the cliff... there's no good way out, and no way out of life that seems to work for me. I want to be gone so much. I want to be gone now more than I think I ever wanted the things I used to be hopeful for... I am so crushed, beyond crushed, by life and society... that I wish I had never had hope at all. I wish I had died a long time ago before wasting all this time suffering for no reason at all.

 

[thelostautistic]

I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread. I'm trying to live whilst simultaneously planning to die and it's so exhausting.

 

[litany_of_thoughts]

coming up for 90 days since I attempted, pretty sure the circular buffer of me inevitably feeling awful has reset again! it's like a switch flipped in my head and I'm suddenly looking for SN sources, trying to stockpile medication, sleeping through half the work day and self sabotaging. seeing an ex on the weekend definitely did not help, but even before that, I suddenly get an insatiable feeling to just start damaging myself, and every plan I had for the future goes out the window

 

[violetforever]

i think its impossible for me to not feel like every time someone looks at me for too long its because i must be doing something wrong

 

[star.trip]

I feel like I'm out of this world. The world is too much for me. I feel more like a spectator than an active player in the game of life. What's the point of life when I'm broken inside?

 

[Inner]

Right now I'm thinking of the sadness that will come from my family and friends. I hope my affirmation in my decision brings them closure.

 

[dhk96]

Wronged. Pissed. Hurt.

Fuck you, Mom and Dad. Fuck you, Mom, for always siding with anyone other than me. Fuck you for always trying to have the last word in when the argument is over and only fueling the flames on my end. You'd side with a rotting banana peel on the ground before considering me.

I wish jumping off the 2nd floor would be enough to end me. The window looks so tempting.

 

[scordatura]

long day, train cancellations, been back and forth but i think everything is okay. been creative working on some music. need to gut my flat tomorrow, get the house in order. big day on thursday, hoping things go well...

 

[star.trip]

I'd like to thank everyone who sends me a virtual hug through Sasu (and hearts, too). It's not the same as a real hug, but even though it's virtual, it helps me a little. It's comforting. I know I'm a pain, and thank you for your patience.