Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Unsure and Useless]

Interacting with my brother always makes me suicidal. He shames me for feeling tired, sad, mad, but then he blows up at me whenever I dare to ignore his feelings. Not only that, but he often imposes double standards on me whenever he wants something to be mad at. He left food out - to the point where he was playing video games and slept through the entire day - so I thought he wasn't intending on eating it, but when he found out it was eaten after being left out for 12 hours, he blew up saying that all I do is "sit on my ass" and stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind him

This feels trivial to rant about here. Nobody wants to hear my familial drama, but I just want to starve and die. I wish I didn't have to eat. I wish I had the strength to CTB

 

[4colliez]

Someone else is going to realise what knowing me more actually means soon enough. It's all my fault always.
Heart problems are back again and it's very distressing. This is what I get for destroying myself over someone who did this to me

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

So tired,
All I want to do is sleep. Turned on my phone after at least a week.... No friends bother to text me.
If I didn't have it for emergencies. I could get rid of it and save money.
Work is horrible. Why I don't CTB and be done, I don't know. I hate life so much. Non Existence is the best.
I will NEVER bring another life into the world only to suffer. With my shitty DNA, that is exactly what would happen.
Life is only for the rich. While everyone else struggles to just stay alive.

 

[AnneBoleyn]

I have akathesia and I'm going on 30+ hours without sleep. I'm going crazy. Akathesia feels like a bone deep, unsettling, uncomfortable feeling. It makes you want to peel your skin off. My bones are itchy and my muscles keep contracting painfully. It's really common for people suffering from this to end their life. I'm worried that I can't out wait it this time.

 

[violetforever]

i think back on moments and realize how much time has passed, only for me to have done nothing but live in my head all of that time since then. it's sad really. years and years going by and me missing out on things and people. this is just what living with shyness is like.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

I've spent years exposing myself to traumatizing shit online. It's bad; it's unhealthy, I know. As strange as it may come off on some level, I am glad that certain things still affect me, even hearing about them secondhand. Anything to do with children or animals? No, nah. Cut the shit.

 

[darksouls]

I am afraid of a failed attempt

 

[nitrogenous]

I feel useless, hopeless, nauseous and just wanna end it all really soon. I feel like an idiot for giving the police my SN. I wish I can just die in my sleep really soon. I don't want to live anymore.

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

i ate so much today and i feel so fat and disgusting. my whole body hurts. i'm developing an eating disorder and want this to stop

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Tired

 

[Manaaja]

Funny how serial killers never target me, but all the "pacifists" gladly torment me to death over decades.

 

[scordatura]

I saw a roe buck while cycling home! It was pitch black besides my lights, so was real close before we saw each other. I love deer, that's my reward for the effort I took to get to where I was going and back today. I used to see them all the time before I moved... I feel, you know, like life is allowing me a few nice moments recently, very short and brief but, they are there, and I appreciate that a lot right now. it's been rough... I've just yeah... it's been really hard right now, and the isolation, and i wish someone could see all the suffering and hold me or sit with me or tap me on the shoulder or even just fucking briefly pass by and tell me that they see it and even though they can't do anything... they see it... it would mean so much to me right now.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

It's bullshit. All these years of trying to work on my communication skills, masking, and trying to come off as less autistic, only to be surrounded by the most anxiety-ridden, no-contact bitches of my generation. I've tried, and tried, and tried some more. I really want to know where my faults lie so I can work on them, but I can't do that if NO ONE TALKS TO ME! I swear, this kind of shit is why I knew I should have CTB sooner. My fam cannot be my friends! They're tired of it, and so am I!

 

[Hime]

I think the time is near for me. I'm hoping soon I'll finally OD by accident. Happy little accident.

How I wish I'd gone through with this years ago. When I still had my most beloved in my life. Now I'm just all alone.

Wouldn't wish anhedonia upon my worst enemy...

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

i'm anxious

 

[scordatura]

Perceived threats... I think people are doing malicious things behind my back... I can't tell whether it's a delusion caused by shit that happened a few years ago... or if it's still happening too me now... it scares me a lot.

 

[violetforever]

ive had a uti for over a week now and im so used to getting them that i feel more annoyed than worried when they come up but this time my pee is blood. im just going to pretend everything is fine bc i have no pain in my sides or back and when i drink a liter of water my pee goes back to normal and the discomfort diminishes. i clearly dont care enough about my health and how this could turn into a more serious problem. i think i really do love to suffer on my own strange terms.

 

[raineen]

tired mostly. not like sleepy just. tired. been in my room all day doing nothing really, watched some videos, lost track of time completely which is whatever.

lonely i guess but it's not that bad for some reason, i don't know why, it just isn't. probably should be worse than it is. anyway.

 

[K14~♡]

I feel like I don't wanna do anything today. But at the same time, I'm bored ´ཀ`

 

[nitrogenous]

Impending sense of doom with lots of anger and regret. I hope someone can just shoot me in the head right now…

 

[Grog]

I wish I could just be sleepy, comfy, and in the dark whenever I wanted. Sometimes, anything else feels too much anymore.

 

[Bowerbird]

I look to my right... dirty (disgusting used dishes that aren't mine), I look to my left... aging (huge pile of fast food takeout bags/packaging thats also not mine). These partners stink like poo.

i hate it here. i might be lazy but i at least clean up my dishes, and put my rubbish in the bin and have SOME standard of basic hygiene and keeping it passable - not pristine clean, but passable, clean enough. (Like getting a C on a test.)

Context: I'm Stuck sharing a roof with someone that doesn't clean up after themselves properly and its starting to affect my quality of life

 

[itsgone2]

Everything is wrong. Every aspect of my life.

It's been a rough few days for the insomnia.

I wish God would just take me home. Heart attack or something. I don't know why I'm forced to stay here. My brain hurts so much.

I'm in so much pain. Please stop. I can't do this anymore.

 

[TheTwelthRootOfTwo]

Pointless. Like there is absolutely no reason for me to keep living. For what? I'm not really serving any good use right now as it is.

 

[Grog]

True happiness can't be found in solitude, it can only be found in others.

 

[listerical]

pathetic. lazy ? i wouldn't say lazy because it's not that i DONT want to do anything, but also i don't WANT to do anything. i have to go to karaoke tonight and i just don't want to. like, i want to. but i also just don't want to get out of bed. i know it'll distract me and be helpful, but finding the motivation to get ready and go to a bar and sing right now is hard

 

[BlendedHeart]

Everything is the same. Every new attempt to improve and change reaches the same point. I'm in limbo. What did I do?

I fail again, and again, and again, and again, and again.

 

[Manaaja]

I really need to have a billion houses I can stuff full of people with nowhere to go to, so I can feel morally superior.

 

[daysnumbered]

I'm drunk right now, but I typically don't drink. It's interesting that I have more to say when I'm drunk than while I'm sober. I had so many thoughts flowing into me right now. I'm happy, sad, happy, and other thoughts right now. I don't know what I'm doing with my life right now, but I did choose a path that might give me a better future. I don't know, because sometimes it feels that all paths lead to a dead end. We all destined to die a one point anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter anyway. Is the modern world actually superior? In some ways yes, but in other ways no. I guess medical advances have allowed us to live longer then intended, but I work at an assisted living. I do not want to live to be that age due to the suffering that entails it. Most of them can hardly move, and some of them just wish to die. Is life actually that precious? Probably not unfortunately. Perhaps I was an optimist that went sour due to learning the true nature of humanity. We are just animals, no more no less. I don't care what other people believe in, because it is their business and free will. If people want to believe something and it doesn't hurt anyone, then they can believe what they want. I'm glad I am free from Christianity's grasp. The sad thing is that I carry it even though I am an atheist. My upbringing still effects me even though I broke my shackles from the doctrine. The thought of sex is still an uncomfortable thought, and I feel shame. I just want be a functional adult and free of the chaos that warps my mind. Is death really that bad? You have no burdens when you parish. At least that is what I tell myself. Who knows what happens after you die. I don't know, this was long enough. If you read the whole thing, thank you. Have a good day no matter what you decide.

 

[yume_]

I feel like I'm going to explode.

There's this stuck feeling inside, for a long time and everyday it gets worse.

I know someday all my feelings are going to be exposed, my crying face, my pathetic self for somebody or everyone to see.

Maybe then I will be happier? Not having to be fake everyday seems freeing in a way.