Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Bowerbird]

Can't sleep. Its 3AM. my life is meaningless without her. Nobody understands. If I cant see her again soon I would rather not be here at all. She is my soul mate as long as she is not around I will never be whole.

Also an annoying thing about being trans masc is belonging nowhere. Queer spaces think I have "male passing/man privileges" but in cishet spaces i am just a "confused biological woman". Nobody cares about trans mascs or representing us or our experience unless its "eww man pregnant lol" for shock value, or *shudders* "boys dont cry"

I am literally a man trapped in a womans body but there's nothing I can do about it the T isnt working I still get misgendered and dont pass even though I dress like adam sandler and have short hair and my voice is even deeper now. Nope still just a confused little girl. Except to my loved ones who probably don't love me anymore bc I am unrecognisable. I fucked up and ruined my life for a chance to get better and sacrificed all I had and in return for what? It feels hopeless.

Sometimes im scared im gonna go insane and crash out and boom, another "ooo scary autistic trans person is bad person and does bad stuff!!!" case for people to fear monger about and use to shit on the autistic/trans community even more.

 

[NyxCascade]

Pain.
I just got a daith and nostril piercing.
Now I thought I had a high tolerance but, holy fuck that hurt like a bitch (the daith).
I nearly fainted I cant lie, it was bleeding pretty bad but, it looks fucking amazing.
Im so so so happy with it.

 

[Dejected 55]

I get up each morning, use the bathroom, wander around the house for a bit, then eat something and watch TV. I watch more TV, wander around the house some more, eventually have a snack... some days I have a brief nap in the afternoon. Then I'll have dinner and watch more TV. Soon it is time for bed and the whole routine repeats.

Some days I have to get groceries. Some days I need to do laundry. At some point today I will run the dishwasher. But for the most part the routine is pretty consistent.

IF I won the lottery, I would no longer have the stress of financial burdens on my mind... but everything else about my daily routines would remain exactly the same. I might be able to buy more movies or subscribe to more services... but the routine wouldn't change. The misery and malaise wouldn't change.

That is my "life" until I find the courage to not be here anymore.

 

[darksouls]

still trapped in hell of pains, isolation and solitude

 

[Grog]

I've never thought myself to be an autistic person, but I'm now starting to wonder if I am.

I feel like I am very emotionally intelligent, and I think I am really good at reading a person's face or tone of voice and am able to tell how they're feeling. But then, people say I misinterpret their emotions; they say it often… what if I am really bad at socializing, picking up on changes in tone, cues and body language, and I just don't realize it?

And then I suppose I over-apologize sometimes. I think that annoys people. I apologize for apologizing too much. I just don't know how else to convey remorse… I can take action to change certain mannerisms and behaviors, but then people say it's not a big deal when I do apologize — but sound exasperated or annoyed; but maybe I'm misinterpreting that too… I don't know.

I take a lot of pride in my self-perceived emotional intelligence and perceptiveness, but maybe I don't really have those attributes. It makes me upset to think about it. I don't want to be a burden to others; I don't want to be bothersome. I don't want to be someone that people just tolerate; I want the people that I care about to want to be around me. I feel ashamed for being so… socially stunted, I guess?

But maybe I'm not, and maybe I'm just neurotic and overthinking again…Maybe my social skills and perceptiveness are good, and I'm just stuck in a negative headspace… I don't know.

I just want the people that I like to like me; and I never want to do anything to bother, annoy, or hurt them…

 

[darksouls]

I am a prisoner in the loop of eternal suffer

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I've never thought myself to be an autistic person, but I'm now starting to wonder if I am.

I feel like I am very emotionally intelligent, and I think I am really good at reading a person's face or tone of voice and am able to tell how they're feeling. But then, people say I misinterpret their emotions; they say it often… what if I am really bad at socializing, picking up on changes in tone, cues and body language, and I just don't realize it?

And then I suppose I over-apologize sometimes. I think that annoys people. I apologize for apologizing too much. I just don't know how else to convey remorse… I can take action to change certain mannerisms and behaviors, but then people say it's not a big deal when I do apologize — but sound exasperated or annoyed; but maybe I'm misinterpreting that too… I don't know.

I take a lot of pride in my self-perceived emotional intelligence and perceptiveness, but maybe I don't really have those attributes. It makes me upset to think about it. I don't want to be a burden to others; I don't want to be bothersome. I don't want to be someone that people just tolerate; I want the people that I care about to want to be around me. I feel ashamed for being so… socially stunted, I guess?

But maybe I'm not, and maybe I'm just neurotic and overthinking again…Maybe my social skills and perceptiveness are good, and I'm just stuck in a negative headspace… I don't know.

I just want the people that I like to like me; and I never want to do anything to bother, annoy, or hurt them…

Relate a lot. It has been in the back of my mind ever since I joined Sasu wondering if I am slightly autistic. I feel like I'm missing a lot of traits , but then some like not being able to do an easy everyday task and keeping to myself and hating the sensation when water gets in my eyes even in the shower - and I love taking showers.Or am I just a loner at heart Who is dumb?

I also have actual diagnosed severe OCD. I feel like some of those symptoms can overlap. I don't know why I bother wondering about it. I'm 45 and at this point it's not like I'm ever going to bother getting tested.

 

[Dejected 55]

I am numb, I feel nothing today. The world is dark and ominous and offers nothing but hurt... and I sit behind my eyes, looking out the caves in my head and the world is so far away. I am alone and numb and I want it to all go away.