Discussion What are you feeling right now? don't think. just type.

[Sprite_Geist]

I am feeling lonely again; not because I have nobody in my life, but because I am only with people who I have no choice but to be around. If I knew that my semi-attempt at suicide years back would not be successful I would not have distanced myself from close friends; they were the only people who I had a genuine connection with, and they gave me the feeling that I am my own person, and not just an extension of my relatives.

I am trying to make an effort to be as independent as possible, but certain family members will not allow me to do anything myself. I feel like my life has been lived for me; I feel like a total loser. This is partly my own fault, because I should have tried harder to defeat my demons years ago, and then I could have had the ability to move away from family and live my own life! It is too late for this though.

 

[Lefty]

Feeling lethargic right now.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I think I just got broken up with. He wasn't mean about anything about it. I understand where he is coming from. He doesn't have much time left and I can't meet up with him and he wants to spend his time with someone he can actually be with irl. It still hurts though. He said we can't even be friends, though he still plans on messaging me tomorrow. I'm not mad at him. I understand where you is coming from. But it just hurts so much. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, but there isn't anything I can do. I just want him to be happy and if he thinks that this is for the best then all I can do is accept that.

 

[r.m.216]

People are fucking assholes. And it makes them happy to be mean.

Fuck this world.

I think I just got broken up with. He wasn't mean about anything about it. I understand where he is coming from. He doesn't have much time left and I can't meet up with him and he wants to spend his time with someone he can actually be with irl. It still hurts though. He said we can't even be friends, though he still plans on messaging me tomorrow. I'm not mad at him. I understand where you is coming from. But it just hurts so much. I love him so much and I don't want to lose him, but there isn't anything I can do. I just want him to be happy and if he thinks that this is for the best then all I can do is accept that.

Wish I was this emotionally mature

 

[Bowerbird]

It is hopeless. I am literally a young man trapped in the body of a frail, sickly girl. I have felt like this for my whole life and have always shown signs of it, it was always super obvious to others that I was not normal. The signs were always there. I was just born like this. But it also feels so hopeless. If I was just born normal most of my behaviour and angst would be seen as normal for an average typical adolescent boy. But I'm not. I will always just be some miserable frail little girl who is considered too dumb and naive and confused to be able to make my own decisions about my own body/life.

Universe, God, whoever or whatever is out there, If I will never be a real man, at least let me be with that one girl I like, at least let me be gay.

 

[Dejected 55]

I feel like my soul has already gone, and I am the shell that remains and I am just operating on autopilot until I use up the remaining energy available to me. I hope my soul is free elsewhere in non-existence to no longer be in pain. I long for the end to come. There is no more hope, I am completely alone, not pretend alone, actually truly fully alone with no one at all. Every moment I hurt and ache for death to take me.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Well, I'm stressed out my mood is slightly better. Turns out he didn't break up with me and was just pushing people away because of the state he was in. I'm still worried about him. His health is declining a lot and I don't want him to die. I love too much. I'm also stressed out because I have several appointments as well, including an appointment with a psychiatrist. They said they think they might recommend that I do DBT, depending on whether I qualify or not. I'll also have to see them twice a week for around 3-6 sessions in total. They recommended that I not do any drugs for now, but I still plan on taking some shrooms next week. My mental health only improved before because of them and I want to go back to doing them once or twice a month again. Plus, tripping is really fun. I'll lay off the weed and alcohol for a bit.

 

[Eternal Pessimist]

I have so many massive problems in my life and yet here I am feeling extreme anxiety and guilt over a small mistake I made. I'm just not fit for this world.

 

[Dejected 55]

I made a random venting post on a Youtube video. I probably should not have done that... but in the moment it just all spilled out. Probably nothing comes of it. I feel like I scream into the void and no one listens. I'm not even always expecting an answer or understanding... but it would be nice if someone actually listened. I feel like I am capable of so much, that I can offer so much, that I have value and could enrich someone's life as much as I'd like them to enrich mine... but I never get a chance. N one answers the door when I knock. No one checks the mail when I send anything. I can't get into the locked gate at the front of the house... at the end of the driveway... at the entrance to the gated community. I am left out in the wilderness to fend for myself, and I befriend the wolves sometimes because they are all I have... they at least don't hurt me, but they have their own lives and eventually they leave me alone too.

 

[trying ungracefully]

Energetic. Like I want to say everything on my mind and talk to everyone. I drank too much coffee I think. Two cups of regular coffee and 15 oz of a cold brew (so far, going to be 30 oz ). I have nothing to direct this energy towards other than crochet.

I'm a little sad too because it makes me think about the fact that I have no friends to talk to with all of this. I went out with my brother to get the coffee and I talked to my mom but no friends and I'm not talking as much much because we are on a break.

I just want friends because it feels like a piece is missing. I tried online friends but one said something very creepy and the other called me trashy for one story I did as a teen (translation problem I think but it still hurt too much). I was called an attention whore by an old close friend back in high school when she was the one who would baby talk and make out with her boyfriend when I was at his family party with her or while in the hall ways of school.