To my 18 year old self : kill yourself today , now . None of that garbage they tell you is so important or good really is . you don't have to do anything they say is so important and "fun" . everything is just bait for the most extreme torture. nothing matters. everything is insignificant . what that you do this year will matter in 130 years, in 1000 years? in 100,000 years in a trillion years . nothing . Your actions are but a blip in the lifetime of the universe. No one will remember your name. Your actions are meaningless.
Nothing you do would "matter" anyway, It's just that we are a speck in the universe, and a blink in the history of the world
nothing matters except avoiding unbearable pain and my suicide asap. pain is a billion times worst than you can imagine . no reason to risk unbearable pain. you do want to avoid extreme pain , extreme suffering or extreme torture and only one way to do that .. all this would hold true if i hadn't found out i'm just cells, chemical reactions , a machine but also a brain that can suffer unending constant unbearable pain. pain is a billion times worse than you can imagine. we all will die anyway.