Discussion Watching the World Go By

[willitpass]

As a long term user here, very much not by choice, it feels so isolating. To watch the community turn over and over and over. Some have caught their bus. Some have decided they don't want to die anymore. Some we don't know. Very few stick around this long. I have tried so fucking hard to get out. Since being on here alone I've had 2 major attempts, too many small attempts to count, and days upon days upon days of potentially lethal self harm. I've tried every therapy I can get my hands on. Meds, CBT, DBT, IOP, trauma informed, ECT, ketamine, you name it. I've tried so fucking hard to live and I've tried so fucking hard to die. Yet I feel like I'm stuck in a limbo. Frozen in time. I'm jealous of those who were able to catch their bus because they are free. My heart breaks that they are gone and got those they left behind. I'm jealous of those who got better because they are no longer in such excruciating pain. I'm so happy for them that they get to live the life they so desperately fought for. I just don't want to be stuck in the middle. I live in purgatory. I cannot die, no matter how hard I try. I cannot live in peace, no matter how hard I try. I am stuck living in suffering.

 

[CatLvr]

I'm sorry. I know just how you feel and to be brutally honest, it is horrible. But I have responsibilities and until those are fulfilled, well, here I am ...

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I know what you mean it kinda feels like this gif we have one group of people (in the Futurama gif 'society') then they are gone for whatever reason then the next comes along and a few people stick around forever, life seems frozen to me while the world goes by for everyone else.

View attachment Futurama_Fry_Gets_Frozen_Space_Pilot_3000.mp4

 

[willitpass]

If I survive my next attempt I truly will lose every last tiny bit of sanity I have left. It's a sick fucking joke. Give me one or the other. Let me fucking get better or let me be free. I can't keep living like this. Not much longer until things snap again and I pull the metaphorical trigger. Please, please, please let this be the last time.

 

[AnimusLapsus]

Have you considered TMS therapy? Understandably, you may perceive it as just one more thing—another meaningless extension to the cycle of suffering, false hope, and trivial treatments. However, studies show that around 66% of respondents who were unaffected by other depression treatments found relief from this novel therapy. I have heard a myriad of stories wherein individuals, nearly on the brink of suicide, gave one last treatment a whirl. They walked out of those facility doors six weeks later with a life renewed, the reins back in their hands. Decades of depression, for some, wholly or partially dissipated. I do not venture into your thread as a snake oil salesman here to sell you fraudulence and convince you of miraculous remedies to your sorrows. There is nothing magical about it—anecdotally, the treatment is rather uncomfortable for the first two weeks, and 34% of individuals report no improvement. That said, I also ask you, "What do you have to lose?" The response and remission rates at the end of combined psychotherapy and TMS treatment were 66% and 56%, respectively. Look into it if you're willing. Most insurances cover it if you have already tried two forms of treatment or medication. Hope this is informative.