vent, self hate and suicidal

[takemeaway]

I have so much self hate in me that's never gonna ever completely go no matter how hard I try. Self harming with hitting myself, cutting and taking pills just to ruin not only mu outer body but inner body as well cause of self hate and boredom.

The family I currently live with are extremely controlling even if im 18 now and it has ruined my mind in more ways than my emotionally abusive father did, since he did give me freedom.Im fucked up in all ways and it affects everything that has left in me.


I've wanted to die for 5yrs now on and off and i'm now realizing that Im always gonna feel this way no matter what. Life can be worth living, i have my younger aunts that I see RARELY but they make me smile and my sweet cats that I love caring for when im with them. My mom that is an Angel that loved me unconditional.


I just can't live with my heavily disordered brain anymore and im disappointing my family with my existence meanwhile self destructing myself...

 

[okkkk]

The people you are born to are just people. The circumstances of your birth are always an accident. I can relate heavily to abusive parents. Its so sad that there is literally no way to prepare for the people who brought you into this world taking advantage of the fact that you have no understanding of it. The most you can hope for is to heal after the fact and distance yourself from them. Luckily youre young enough to put yourself on the right path.