Venting Um, hello. My name is Mio. Just stumbled in.

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Barely any time with WiFi left. Giving a quick introduction, I guess.

Hello, my name is Mio. I grew up in a pretty nice house, I guess. At least, it looked nice from the outside. My mother cared a lot about appearances and school. If I did not get perfect grades, she would scream or just ignore me for days. My dad was always drinking with a tendency to beating.

When I was in middle school, my homeroom teacher had a special interest in me. I am just so special, it seems. The day after my high school graduation, I just packed my school bag with a few things and ran away. I could not breathe in that house for one more second. I didn't have any money or any real plan. I just took the train as far as I could.

Now, I don't really have a place to live. I use Twitter and Tinder to find men who will let me sleep at their place. People call it Kami-machi. They offer me a bed or let me take a warm shower, and I do my thing in return. I am terrified every single time I meet someone new. My stomach hurts constantly, but I have absolutely no money. I just close my eyes and apologize in my head until it is over. Once it is morning, I just say thank you, bow, and leave. Easy.

When I cannot find anyone online, I panic a lot. I try to find a 24-hour fast food place or a family restaurant and just order the cheapest drink on the menu. If I do not have a single yen left, I just walk around the busy streets until morning comes. It is safer to keep moving than to fall asleep outside. If I manage to get a little bit of money from someone, I will go to a manga cafe to sleep in a small private internet booth for a few hours. That is the only time I actually feel safe enough to close my eyes. I really do not eat much anymore, so that's a problem. Sometimes a man will buy me a meal at a convenience store before we go to his room, and I will just get a single rice ball or some sweet bread. I love when they do that!

Um, I think I just feel completely hollow inside most days. They just want something from me or they look the other way. I am mostly just incredibly tired. It takes all my energy just to survive until the next morning. Sometimes I stand at the station and watch the rapid trains go by, and I catch myself thinking about how peaceful it would be to step off the edge and make all the noise in my head stop. I feel like I am already a ghost, so it wouldn't really matter to anyone if I was just gone. I just want the fear to end, but I am totally lost and I have absolutely no idea how to fix my life.

It feels like the normal world is completely locked away from me. Even if I want to get out of this situation, I do not have the paperwork to prove I am a real person.

Good news: I still have the smartphone my parents bought me. The actual phone plan got cut off maybe a month after I ran away. I just keep the phone on airplane mode and rely entirely on free public Wi-Fi. My online times will be very random thanks to it, sorry.

I don't really know why I am here today. I feel like my whole life is my own fault. I should have studied harder, or I should have been stronger. I am just so tired of being scared all the time. I don't see any kind of future for myself. Anyway...

Hello! I'm Mio.

 

[Thia]

Hi,

Regarding the paperwork, there is a possible way. 住民票 (juminhyo) can be obtained sometimes at the city worker's discretion even if you have no ID, although this requires you to temporarily go back to your hometown.

However I think your better bet might be to look for an organization that can help you plan for a more stable life long-term, or even just offer short-term relief from your current situation. Colabo in Tokyo (which also operates remotely across Japan) is perhaps the most famous example, but there are others as well. They don't necessarily contact your parents.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

Is living this way really better than just going home? How long have you been living like this?

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

selling your body for shelter and food like this will eventually ruin your life and could result in a terrible attack on you happening, so you should contact your mom again as soon as possible.

 

[Captain laser]

man youre really at the edge of society huh :(

 

[Fadenself00_]

Hi,

Regarding the paperwork, there is a possible way. 住民票 (juminhyo) can be obtained sometimes at the city worker's discretion even if you have no ID, although this requires you to temporarily go back to your hometown.

However I think your better bet might be to look for an organization that can help you plan for a more stable life long-term, or even just offer short-term relief from your current situation. Colabo in Tokyo (which also operates remotely across Japan) is perhaps the most famous example, but there are others as well. They don't necessarily contact your parents.

You need to reply to this thread in order to see this content.

 

[blush]

i'm sorry life's brought you here, mio. i'm sorry you're dealing with so much stress, uncertainty, and pain. i'm rooting for you.

 

[Fadenself00_]

i'm sorry life's brought you here, mio. i'm sorry you're dealing with so much stress, uncertainty, and pain. i'm rooting for you.

I hate this individualized society

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Regarding the paperwork, there is a possible way. 住民票 (juminhyo) can be obtained sometimes at the city worker's discretion even if you have no ID, although this requires you to temporarily go back to your hometown.

However I think your better bet might be to look for an organization that can help you plan for a more stable life long-term, or even just offer short-term relief from your current situation. Colabo in Tokyo (which also operates remotely across Japan) is perhaps the most famous example, but there are others as well. They don't necessarily contact your parents.

thank you so much for taking the time to write this. You are really kind to look into it for me.
Going back home to get the paperwork is just impossible. Even just picturing myself on a train back to Shizuoka makes my stomach hurt again. I am terrified someone would recognize me or I would see my parents by accident. I definitely cannot risk walking into the city office there.
I have heard about Colabo and places like that online. People say they are safe, but I am honestly just too scared to reach out. I find it really hard to believe adults will actually keep a secret. I just know that the moment I give them my real name, they will go to the police or call my mother because it is the proper thing to do. I just cannot bring myself to trust anyone official like that.
I am really sorry for shooting down your ideas when you are just trying to help me. I am super grateful you care enough to leave a comment.

Is living this way really better than just going home? How long have you been living like this?

I ran away the day after my high school graduation, so it has been a little over a year now. (My profile's birthdate is not my actual age. I am 19 now. Won't say more)
To be honest, even if I wanted to go home, I am just way too scared to go back now. If I showed up at their door after disappearing for a whole year, the consequences would be awful. My mother would completely destroy me for ruining her perfect family image. I cannot even imagine how bad the punishment would be. And honestly, the shame is just too heavy. After everything I have had to do to survive out here, I feel so incredibly dirty. If my parents ever found out how I have been living, they would be so disgusted with me. I could never look them in the eye ever again. So yeah, I just have to stay out here.

selling your body for shelter and food like this will eventually ruin your life and could result in a terrible attack on you happening, so you should contact your mom again as soon as possible.
Um, I know you are right to worry about that. But the truth is, the terrible things you are warning me about are already happening.

There are just so many evil people out there. Most of the men who tell me to come by are exactly the kind of people you mean. They know I have nowhere else to go, so they do whatever they want. I just have to shut my eyes and take it because I am trapped inside their locked rooms. That is the real reason I can almost never make it longer than a single day at someone's place. I just get too terrified of how much worse the things they do to me will get if I stay for another night. I know I am ruining my life and my body. I really do know it.

man youre really at the edge of society huh :(

Um, actually I think you could say I am pretty deeply embedded into society right now. Pun intended, I guess (。•̀ᴗ-)

i'm sorry life's brought you here, mio. i'm sorry you're dealing with so much stress, uncertainty, and pain. i'm rooting for you.

Um, thank you so much for your sweet message. Reading this actually made me tear up a little bit, but in a really good way. It is just super nice to know someone out there is cheering for me. I will try my absolute best to stay safe today. (´｡• ω •｡`)♡


Got to go. Don't want to be late for work.

 

[Fadenself00_]

thank you so much for taking the time to write this. You are really kind to look into it for me.
Going back home to get the paperwork is just impossible. Even just picturing myself on a train back to Shizuoka makes my stomach hurt again. I am terrified someone would recognize me or I would see my parents by accident. I definitely cannot risk walking into the city office there.
I have heard about Colabo and places like that online. People say they are safe, but I am honestly just too scared to reach out. I find it really hard to believe adults will actually keep a secret. I just know that the moment I give them my real name, they will go to the police or call my mother because it is the proper thing to do. I just cannot bring myself to trust anyone official like that.
I am really sorry for shooting down your ideas when you are just trying to help me. I am super grateful you care enough to leave a comment.

I ran away the day after my high school graduation, so it has been a little over a year now. (My profile's birthdate is not my actual age. I am 19 now. Won't say more)
To be honest, even if I wanted to go home, I am just way too scared to go back now. If I showed up at their door after disappearing for a whole year, the consequences would be awful. My mother would completely destroy me for ruining her perfect family image. I cannot even imagine how bad the punishment would be. And honestly, the shame is just too heavy. After everything I have had to do to survive out here, I feel so incredibly dirty. If my parents ever found out how I have been living, they would be so disgusted with me. I could never look them in the eye ever again. So yeah, I just have to stay out here.

There are just so many evil people out there. Most of the men who tell me to come by are exactly the kind of people you mean. They know I have nowhere else to go, so they do whatever they want. I just have to shut my eyes and take it because I am trapped inside their locked rooms. That is the real reason I can almost never make it longer than a single day at someone's place. I just get too terrified of how much worse the things they do to me will get if I stay for another night. I know I am ruining my life and my body. I really do know it.


Um, actually I think you could say I am pretty deeply embedded into society right now. Pun intended, I guess (。•̀ᴗ-)

Um, thank you so much for your sweet message. Reading this actually made me tear up a little bit, but in a really good way. It is just super nice to know someone out there is cheering for me. I will try my absolute best to stay safe today. (´｡• ω •｡`)♡


Got to go. Don't want to be late for work.

I wish you all the best!!

Is there any equivalent to social workers/homeless shelters/social security?
Do you have any options legally speaking to get help with finances and shelter?

 

[Thia]

You are legally an adult; do you think they will contact your parents?
If you are in tokyo there are the most resources available, but I think any other major city has something.
You can go to one of these places anonymously and leave if they keep asking about personal information. I think colabo also has an internet form or something like that where you can talk hopefully anonymously.

Information page: https://colabo-official.net/projects/consultation.html
Contact page (just say 匿名 for the name input section) https://colabo-official.net/contact.html

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

I wish you all the best!!

Is there any equivalent to social workers/homeless shelters/social security?
Do you have any options legally speaking to get help with finances and shelter?

thank you so much for the well wishes, it really means a lot. I think those legal systems probably work for people who are real in the eyes of the government, but since I do not have my health insurance card or any paperwork.... I am really scared that if I asked for help and I don't deserve help anyway. Other people need it more. I am getting by so it's fine. Even if I went there, the staff would just think they are doing the right thing by calling the police or my mother. I am so sorry for being so negative when you are trying to help. A big problem of mine is that I look almost like a lost middle schooler. I am small and thin. Without any papers to prove my age there is no way they won't call anybody.

You are legally an adult; do you think they will contact your parents?
If you are in tokyo there are the most resources available, but I think any other major city has something.
You can go to one of these places anonymously and leave if they keep asking about personal information. I think colabo also has an internet form or something like that where you can talk hopefully anonymously.

Thank you for the links, it is really sweet of you to look all of that up for me. I am actually in Yokohama right now, though I am not really sure how long I will stay here. I just cannot believe that an organization would not try to "save" me by contacting my family. Adults usually think going home is the best thing, but that is the scariest thought of all. I will keep the links just in case I get brave enough, but for now, I think I will just do my thing. (;へ;)
Nobody wants me at home anyway. At least here I feel wanted, i guess. I am so sorry for being such a downer. Just happy i got accepted to this site and can talk with people more easily.

 

[SASU-KE]

Sorry you had to suffer so much at a young age. Most parents aren't fit for the role.

I hope things improve for you

 

[Thia]

Without any papers to prove my age there is no way they won't call anybody.

If you have an old student ID (生徒手帳) and cover the non-relevant parts like your name with some opaque tape from a 100 yen shop, maybe that could help? Or even showing old photos stored in your phone of your school entrance ceremonies, if you have them? just some suggestions <3

I actually live pretty close to your current location but I don't know what I can do for you...

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

If you have an old student ID (生徒手帳) and cover the non-relevant parts like your name with some opaque tape from a 100 yen shop, maybe that could help? Or even showing old photos stored in your phone of your school entrance ceremonies, if you have them? just some suggestions <3

I actually live pretty close to your current location but I don't know what I can do for you...

Thank you for the ideas. I actually have tons of photos of myself. I always liked taking them and i still do when i have enough battery left. But i dont have my student id anymore. I did a really stupid thing while i was waiting for the train after graduation. I was just so angry and i burned everything i had except for my cash. So i literally have no cards or papers left. I burned all my school books and everything. I guess im lucky i didnt have my graduation documents on me then or i would have burned those too. It's really sweet of you to want to help since you are close by but i just cant accept that. I'm just trouble. I'm stinky and anxious and sad. I'm terrified of making friends with someone nice like you because i know i will just hurt you in the end. That's just what i do whether i want to or not. I'm sorry. I appreciate your kindness. Thank you.

I think I found a place for tonight. Need to get going. It's an hour or so away. He seems really nice actually and he is cooking something for us. Might be a good night with restful sleep. I'm happy.

 

[paranoid]

Mio, you deserve so much more than what you're finding, but please don't lose sight of how much you matter

 

[Fadenself00_]

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[Thia]

I'm terrified of making friends with someone nice like you because i know i will just hurt you in the end.

I am used to getting hurt, anyway.
I might be able to send you a fast food / conbini gift card remotely through line or giftee or something. Not something I can do on a regular basis and I don't really know if it's prudent to offer but you deserve something to eat

 

[msesis]

Thank you for the ideas. I actually have tons of photos of myself. I always liked taking them and i still do when i have enough battery left. But i dont have my student id anymore. I did a really stupid thing while i was waiting for the train after graduation. I was just so angry and i burned everything i had except for my cash. So i literally have no cards or papers left. I burned all my school books and everything. I guess im lucky i didnt have my graduation documents on me then or i would have burned those too. It's really sweet of you to want to help since you are close by but i just cant accept that. I'm just trouble. I'm stinky and anxious and sad. I'm terrified of making friends with someone nice like you because i know i will just hurt you in the end. That's just what i do whether i want to or not. I'm sorry. I appreciate your kindness. Thank you.

I think I found a place for tonight. Need to get going. It's an hour or so away. He seems really nice actually and he is cooking something for us. Might be a good night with restful sleep. I'm happy.

can you check the laws? If you're a legal adult can they still talk to your parents without your permission?

 

[star.trip]

I'm so sorry you went through all that during your teenage years, and that you're still going through it.
I understand your fear of them contacting your parents. I don't know how the paperwork works in Japan, but if there's a way to get help with your papers, it shouldn't be a problem. You shouldn't feel ashamed because you really haven't done anything wrong. You were in a difficult situation for a long time, you survived as best you could while living with your parents, and now you've moved away. It's a natural reaction.
I hope everything goes well for you, whatever you decide. You shouldn't feel ashamed because these situations have led you here. The question is: Do you want to improve your current situation?How can I feel better about myself? What can you do? If they contact my parents, how can I react if you're already of legal age? Best of luck.

Take good care of yours

P.S. Don't worry about other people either. We all hurt the ones we love.

 

[MyMomWasMyLife]

I ran away the day after my high school graduation, so it has been a little over a year now. (My profile's birthdate is not my actual age. I am 19 now. Won't say more)
To be honest, even if I wanted to go home, I am just way too scared to go back now. If I showed up at their door after disappearing for a whole year, the consequences would be awful. My mother would completely destroy me for ruining her perfect family image. I cannot even imagine how bad the punishment would be. And honestly, the shame is just too heavy. After everything I have had to do to survive out here, I feel so incredibly dirty. If my parents ever found out how I have been living, they would be so disgusted with me. I could never look them in the eye ever again. So yeah, I just have to stay out here.

Or, they would be incredibly happy to see you're not dead and to have you back.

 

[iamnotadinosaur:(]

Welcome Mio! It sucks that you have to deal with so much, I hope that one day things will get better. You must be crazy resilient to put up with parents like that and with the uncertainty of your life now - that's really impressive

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

Or, they would be incredibly happy to see you're not dead and to have you back.

I used to send a small letter or postcard every couple of months to let them know I am alive. For whatever reason, I stopped doing that for a while now. Don't see a point anyway. I prefer using that money for food, hygiene or safety products. It is probably better anyway if they think I am dead. Helps them get over me.

Welcome Mio! It sucks that you have to deal with so much, I hope that one day things will get better. You must be crazy resilient to put up with parents like that and with the uncertainty of your life now - that's really impressive

Thank you for the warm welcome. I am not that resilient and i am definitely not impressive. I am dumb and made too many mistakes.
You would be surprised how easily people can adapt to the worst possible situations. It is just life for me by now. I usually don't have time to pity myself and think of the future. I am already busy living day by day.

 

[Mirrors]

I'm posting here to give you a virtual hug. You are not invisible, you are not dumb, how you got into this and the pressures you were under are really understandable. It doesn't make you any less valuable or important as a human to do what you have to do to survive. I'm really rooting for you to find your way to a better situation for yourself. I wish I had any helpful advice at all to offer you. Please know that a stranger cares about you, I'll be watching for more updates from you just to know that you're safe and you made it one more day.

 

[Mio_Kamimachi]

I'm posting here to give you a virtual hug. You are not invisible, you are not dumb, how you got into this and the pressures you were under are really understandable. It doesn't make you any less valuable or important as a human to do what you have to do to survive. I'm really rooting for you to find your way to a better situation for yourself. I wish I had any helpful advice at all to offer you. Please know that a stranger cares about you, I'll be watching for more updates from you just to know that you're safe and you made it one more day.

Thank you. This was beautiful and much needed to hear. I am safe for another day where I am currently at. Please don't worry about me