Help Turning life around.

[foreverandever]

I've felt like I'm been spinning my wheels for the last few years. I've accomplished nothing, gotten no closer to my goals, and generally wasted my time. One of the biggest reasons I want to ctb is the fact that I'm 32 and I feel like I've wasted my life.

But, I've made some promises to keep trying, so here I am. I just don't have any clue as to how to start turning my life around.

Some details: I've been working on a bachelor's degree for eight years now, but I only realized I was in the wrong degree for my career, teaching, in the middle of Fall semester last year, (I'm a moron). I only have two semesters left to finish, so I feel obligated to. But I won't even be able to get into the career I want once I am done. I should've been done with all of this years ago. I've also never been in a relationship, and my mental health is abysmal. I don't feel like I have anything to offer the world. Years of effort with nothing to show for it.

Am I too late? Does anyone have any practical advice on how to fix my life?
Thank you.

 

[Alumina]

you say you won't be able to get into the career you want, but how far is it from that? what are the real opportunities you'd have with your degree?

 

[foreverandever]

I'd have to go through extra certification that would take another year, on top of the year I have left for my degree. It's a possibility, I'm just tired of being in school and not fully in my career.

Otherwise, there are some other opportunities I could go for, but my field doesn't have a ton of openings outside of teaching. I'm just not sure if it'll work out.

 

[Alumina]

i guess you could just do some years on what you degree allow you to, and then see for yourself if you see it as worthy to do that extra year

 

[Autumn Blaze]

Alumina has already given some pretty good advice on the degree part.
As for a relationship - I dunno!
I might be phrasing this a little shittily but my biggest suggestion is to go out into your community and look for events related to things you like, and try to meet people that way. If you can't do that in IRL space, do it online. It may seem hard, but you really gotta persevere with stuff like that.
The thought here is maybe you will make friends with some people, and eventually those friends will become close enough with you that you'll form a relationship with them. All of my long lasting relationships seem to come from people I was once friends with. And all of that may seem daunting, but it's kinda worth it sometimes in the end. I say sometimes because things with friends can be quite variable. If you mess up with one person, keep looking! You'll eventually find people who like you for who you are.

 

[Redacted24]

To my mind, Tolkien described it well, saying that not all who wander are lost.

I had my career plan as a 20- something and started on my way to that degree.

Reality intervened in the form of time and money constraints. So the engineering physics degree I pursued went by the wayside and I took a different career path because I needed income.

While those years were okay, and gave me skills and experience, they weren't what I wanted to be doing.

So in my 30s I took a very different job overseas, vaguely connected to engineering but more project management. That turned out to be satisfying and enjoyable... but projects end...

So I went back to school to get an advanced degree, and worked in that field for awhile until life circumstances saw me looking again, and finding another project management job.

I've been through at least 6 "career professional" jobs to varying degrees of satisfaction. And some of the jobs I liked least opened the door to unexpected jobs that I loved (but never would have considered when I was younger)

Give the work a chance.
Give a new place a chance.
And... give yourself a chance.

My first serious go at ctb was when, as a teen finishing secondary school and accepted into several high quality universities, I realized that I didn't have the money to attend any of them.

Seeing my classmates prepare for uni made me despondent. I thought my life was over.

But a few years of hardship later I could start. And did.
Sorry for the long reply. But sometimes there are detours on our journeys. Sometimes we wander. But we're not lost.

I'm looking forward to hear more about your wanderings, and what you discover along the way.

Please send postcards!

 

[foreverandever]

i guess you could just do some years on what you degree allow you to, and then see for yourself if you see it as worthy to do that extra year

Yeah, that's definitely an idea. I'll mull that over. Thank you.

Alumina has already given some pretty good advice on the degree part.
As for a relationship - I dunno!
I might be phrasing this a little shittily but my biggest suggestion is to go out into your community and look for events related to things you like, and try to meet people that way. If you can't do that in IRL space, do it online. It may seem hard, but you really gotta persevere with stuff like that.
The thought here is maybe you will make friends with some people, and eventually those friends will become close enough with you that you'll form a relationship with them. All of my long lasting relationships seem to come from people I was once friends with. And all of that may seem daunting, but it's kinda worth it sometimes in the end. I say sometimes because things with friends can be quite variable. If you mess up with one person, keep looking! You'll eventually find people who like you for who you are.

Yeah, I get what you mean. The best relationships I've had in the past were with women I was originally friends with. I just don't really know where to find those sorts of spaces I guess. I've been a bit of a shut in the last decade too, so it'll probably take a lot more effort than I'm currently willing to put in.

But, I can't complain if I don't at least try.

To my mind, Tolkien described it well, saying that not all who wander are lost.

I had my career plan as a 20- something and started on my way to that degree.

Reality intervened in the form of time and money constraints. So the engineering physics degree I pursued went by the wayside and I took a different career path because I needed income.

While those years were okay, and gave me skills and experience, they weren't what I wanted to be doing.

So in my 30s I took a very different job overseas, vaguely connected to engineering but more project management. That turned out to be satisfying and enjoyable... but projects end...

So I went back to school to get an advanced degree, and worked in that field for awhile until life circumstances saw me looking again, and finding another project management job.

I've been through at least 6 "career professional" jobs to varying degrees of satisfaction. And some of the jobs I liked least opened the door to unexpected jobs that I loved (but never would have considered when I was younger)

Give the work a chance.
Give a new place a chance.
And... give yourself a chance.

My first serious go at ctb was when, as a teen finishing secondary school and accepted into several high quality universities, I realized that I didn't have the money to attend any of them.

Seeing my classmates prepare for uni made me despondent. I thought my life was over.

But a few years of hardship later I could start. And did.
Sorry for the long reply. But sometimes there are detours on our journeys. Sometimes we wander. But we're not lost.

I'm looking forward to hear more about your wanderings, and what you discover along the way.

Please send postcards!

Thank you for the kind response. I guess I'm just at the limit of my patience with my life's circumstances, so I'm sorry. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine, even though I appreciate it deeply from others.

I just wish I was so much further along in life than I am. That I was so much better at life than I am. But I'm not. It's frustrating, but there's nothing else to do than just keep going I guess. I still need to really find a reason to keep enduring, but that's another problem.

But, to quote a book series I love: Journey before destination. I just wish these detours were more fun haha.

Thanks again. I hope everything is going well for you.

 

[Alumina]

To my mind, Tolkien described it well, saying that not all who wander are lost.

I had my career plan as a 20- something and started on my way to that degree.

Reality intervened in the form of time and money constraints. So the engineering physics degree I pursued went by the wayside and I took a different career path because I needed income.

While those years were okay, and gave me skills and experience, they weren't what I wanted to be doing.

So in my 30s I took a very different job overseas, vaguely connected to engineering but more project management. That turned out to be satisfying and enjoyable... but projects end...

So I went back to school to get an advanced degree, and worked in that field for awhile until life circumstances saw me looking again, and finding another project management job.

I've been through at least 6 "career professional" jobs to varying degrees of satisfaction. And some of the jobs I liked least opened the door to unexpected jobs that I loved (but never would have considered when I was younger)

Give the work a chance.
Give a new place a chance.
And... give yourself a chance.

My first serious go at ctb was when, as a teen finishing secondary school and accepted into several high quality universities, I realized that I didn't have the money to attend any of them.

Seeing my classmates prepare for uni made me despondent. I thought my life was over.

But a few years of hardship later I could start. And did.
Sorry for the long reply. But sometimes there are detours on our journeys. Sometimes we wander. But we're not lost.

I'm looking forward to hear more about your wanderings, and what you discover along the way.

Please send postcards!

yep i think the linear view of life we have put in our head is messed up, too much people still think they need to get to college, find good work, find someone and buy a house, and call it being "mature", "adult". moving a lot is seen as going back and forth and therefore is seen as bad but in reality it's just about adjusting trajectory as you see fit, and get out of the places you dislike. idk what you think of this, redacted

Alumina has already given some pretty good advice on the degree part.
As for a relationship - I dunno!
I might be phrasing this a little shittily but my biggest suggestion is to go out into your community and look for events related to things you like, and try to meet people that way. If you can't do that in IRL space, do it online. It may seem hard, but you really gotta persevere with stuff like that.
The thought here is maybe you will make friends with some people, and eventually those friends will become close enough with you that you'll form a relationship with them. All of my long lasting relationships seem to come from people I was once friends with. And all of that may seem daunting, but it's kinda worth it sometimes in the end. I say sometimes because things with friends can be quite variable. If you mess up with one person, keep looking! You'll eventually find people who like you for who you are.

ig it's not always easy to go to event/places where you don't know anyone, as you said

and to be fair, seeking for relationship should not be a main concern if you feel broken, it isn't even a main concern at all and not really something you should really focus. as i said, i think most people want a partner because "everyone has one" and because it seems "natural" to have one. there is a differenciation between "wanting" (passive) to have one and "seeking" (active) to have one.
"wanting" should not worsen your mental state, and either leads to "i don't have one and idc" or "i found someone by accident".
and "seeking" is oftentime caused by a misconceptions about relationships being a healing potion, so you get with someone you don't really like because it's forced, and at the end it's worse
(going out with "maybe tonight" in mind falls into wanting and not seeking as it's not the main point, i'm NOT saying no one should go out with it in mind, i'm saying you shouldn't obsess and try to talk to all the girls/boys thinking about it and stressing over not meeting someone you talk with afterward).

either way if you're on the path of recovery, love in any form always help, but shouldn't be forced, no one feels better in the long term when in a toxic relationship instead of alone