Trying to have the courage to go through with it

[budbud29]

I hate having a conscience. I hate thinking of my head. Things could get better. I don't wanna think that way I feel it's just prolonging the inevitable. I wake up and think to myself what's the point of waking up today. I wish I wasn't scared to do it. But my conscience keeps getting in the way. I wish I was fully committed to doing this, but I'm conflicted. How do I get over this? How can I just make the decision without overthinking it? I'm 29. I live at home with family. I don't have a job. I have nothing going on in my life no friends no girlfriend. I have no purpose of waking up in the morning. I'm afraid to leave my house. The decision should be easy for me to make but it's still a difficult decision. Does anyone know how I can just go through with it?

 

[isthisthingon]

It's all in our head. I'm currently with you on this. I can end it any moment, yet I wait and suffer inside more. I need to get it over with.

 

[brainlessretard]

i wish i knew how to overcome the fear too. it was the only thing that made me give up on partial hanging last time. it's such a torture that our brain make us want to die, but take away the courage to do it.

 

[itsgone2]

it's such a torture that our brain make us want to die, but take away the courage to do it.

Wow this is the truth.
It wakes me up constantly. Thinks of all my mistakes constantly. Torture. It's cloudy and in pain from insomnia.
But step up to the noose and suddenly it's alive. What a horrific joke.

 

[budbud29]

I'm gonna drink tonight and hopefully that will give me the motivation to do it. I have my method already set up just waiting for me. Hopefully I can go through with it tonight

 

[brainlessretard]

I'm gonna drink tonight and hopefully that will give me the motivation to do it. I have my method already set up just waiting for me. Hopefully I can go through with it tonight

if you have to do it, i hope it's peaceful.

 

[sadgirl1997]

I'm 29 too and feel very similar to you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wishing you all the best with whatever decision you make.

 

[budbud29]

I'm 29 too and feel very similar to you. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm wishing you all the best with whatever decision you make.

Thank you so much

 

[kq711]

I changed my method cus I realized I dont got the guts to do it with nitrogen. With a gun its much quicker and can be done on an impulse. Like with nitrogen i have to be sure I wanna do it and remain in that mindset for 5 minutes while setting up. But with a gun I can be ready in 20 seconds. So less chance of having second thoughts. Still waiting on my paperwork to go through tho!

 

[DogSandwichLove]

I feel the same way. I hate that I'm not brave enough. I hate that I have had SN for over a year and I can't bring myself to end things. I hate that I keep putting myself through more and more each day. I want to be done.