trying again

[yellowdangerinesss]

i've been trying ligature strangulation for the past god knows how many hours. i think i'm not pulling it tight enough and that's what's keeping me alive.

i should have been dead last night—i should have been dead a long time ago.

i'm going to try again and hopefully this time i won't fail

 

[heydude56]

Are you trying partial?

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

i know how you feel when you say "i should have been dead a long time ago." i'm real sorry you're in distress.

 

[an_alias]

Are you trying partial?

seconding this. "ligature strangulation" sounds like night-night method to me which generally has lower success rates than partial hanging

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

Are you trying partial?

no just literally lying down with the cords around my neck—is this why i keep failing? i want it to look like i'm just asleep at first glance cause i also want to be able to hold my shark during my last moments

 

[an_alias]

no just literally lying down with the cords around my neck—is this why i keep failing? i want it to look like i'm just asleep at first glance cause i also want to be able to hold my shark during my last moments

you're describing the night-night method IIRC. try having a look here for the best advice on that method: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-night-night-method-mega-thread.6834/

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

you're describing the night-night method IIRC. try having a look here for the best advice on that method: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-night-night-method-mega-thread.6834/

Notes on Ligature Strangulation (with working dropbox + extra details)

Notes on Ligature Strangulation Method - This post will contain all the information without anything unsaid. It is also as clear as possible. It is exhaustive and detailed. - If it means anything, this is what I've compiled and collected after a year of thinking of this stuff and going in...

sanctioned-suicide.net

this is what i've been working with

 

[darksouls]

I wish you peace

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

I'm such a sickening human being. I've tried so hard these past years and I still have no fruits of my labor. I fucked up what could have been a wonderful relationship because I didn't know how to face my demons—because I was taught and raised to ignore them. Now it's too late. I've created more problems than I could ever fix and I will never be able to get the life I want. A mom, a lawyer, a philanthrophist, a wife. I can't be these things because I failed. I'm an utter failure. I'm even failing to take my own life it's hilarious really.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

It sounds like self-loathing really consumes you. I find what you wrote very relatable. I also have many regrets about my own failures. Doesn't that say something about our society when such reasonable demands for a good life are outside of reach for so many people? Heartbreaking

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

It sounds like self-loathing really consumes you. I find what you wrote very relatable. I also have many regrets about my own failures. Doesn't that say something about our society when such reasonable demands for a good life are outside of reach for so many people? Heartbreaking

I did love myself at one point. Opening up to my person and them telling me "you're disgusting" and that I'm "evil"—I think I have reason to believe that I'm not good enough. He even has said it himself, I'm not good enough.

I've been reading a book: "Suicide" by Durkheim and sees suicide as a failure of society. That it says more about society than it does about the individual. So yeah, this world…I've only wanted to bring and do good for it despite it failing me from the day I've been born.
I have a bandana around my neck now to aid as padding for my cord so I could hopefully pull it tighter and this time not fail. I'm aiming to ctb in the next 3 hours.

 

[SaintJosifStalin]

I agree with what you wrote, that suicide is more the responsibility of a sick society than the failure of an individual. I think suicide is a reasonable reaction to some conditions of modern society.

We can only develop our own opinions though, it's a choice whether we internalize what other people tell us about ourselves. Ultimately what we think about ourselves is much more important than what anyone else thinks of us. I understand codependency too though. It is scary to lose someone who means everything.

Sometimes good deeds feel meaningless to perform but they might mean something to someone else. I doubt if you've never affected anyone positively.

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

I failed. Again. I had forgotten to cancel the scheduled email I had to my person and he called my family and they called the cops. I was brought to a crisis center and now I'm not sure whether I'll ever be allowed alone again.

I don't know what he told my family. I'm so frustrated that I just. won't. die.

 

[yellowdangerinesss]

They're putting me in residential