Venting Too many expectations on me

[Houzor]

My father expects too much from me, today he came to give me a lot of talk about "I should be a protagonist and not a victim" and that I should be more advanced with my music studies, I have no natural talent for music and I don't feel I can ever reach his expectations, I am tired with my regular studies and right now have too much homework but still he keeps putting a lot of constant pressure and I don't know what to do.

 

[StupidCat]

You could move out

 

[bankai]

Studies are one thing but music doesn't really make sense. Music can be pursued by as a hobby, but if he pressures you so much over something like that then he's just trying to probably turn you into something he couldn't be and live vicariously through you.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

I hate that saying , it's such a cop out for the failure of a parent, in my country it has multiple variations "Be the horse rider, not the horse" being one of them. It's honestly such a tragic thing to hear from your family. Want real advice that might work? focus on homework and get as much independence as you can, do not let him do anything for you, that way , if you plan to go on with life, when you'll get your diploma you can start your first job and maybe try to find somewhere to move away from them without your parents saying anything to you "you owe us this or that", you didn't describe him but he sounds like a narc.

You need to learn how to do things your own and start alienating yourself from them before your brain completely forms, if your brain forms in an abusive household and they have their grip on you (ask me how I know) , everything will be 50000 times more harder than it is, you will always second guess yourself and have a sort of codependency that you can't get the fuck away because your brain is associating your abusers with family.

But it depends on how your early childhood was, I'm not trying to be dismissive, there are cases , where what I described might not be possible for a myriad of reasons. There is another way you could get help, and this might be the more likely option, try to contact your school's psychologist if you have one, you can talk about these expectations, try to explain to him maturely what you want from life , or at least lie in the most honest way possible "I do not want to be a musician, I want a simple life and I want to know how to not let my father's words affect my mental health so I can save up money and move out to rebuild my life". (edit: you need to talk to him because he is a designated adult and one of the only people who might be able to help you, your extended family might take your fathers side so please try the school psychologist if you have one)

 

[Houzor]

You could move out

can't, i don't have enough money to finish uni and my father is the one giving me the money to finish uni

 

[Luna say maybe]

Just obey your real thoughts.If you submit to your father,you may finally regret.
plus love 泥の分際で私だけの大切を奪おうだなんて too

 

[StupidCat]

can't, i don't have enough money to finish uni and my father is the one giving me the money to finish uni

you could get a job

 

[ShackledSoul]

My father expects too much from me, today he came to give me a lot of talk about "I should be a protagonist and not a victim" and that I should be more advanced with my music studies, I have no natural talent for music and I don't feel I can ever reach his expectations, I am tired with my regular studies and right now have too much homework but still he keeps putting a lot of constant pressure and I don't know what to do.

I came from a family like this and unfortunately I don't have answers. My mom expected me to become a musician and an composer, which I failed at in University. My dad expected me to become a scientist and compete with my sister who has a Ph.D., but I washed out from the stress of working and sacrificing for years on end. My sister always treated me like her competition and lived to prove that she was better than me at every turn, and so I became the lesser in everyone else's eyes. Every teacher and mentor I had treated me like a golden child until I couldn't meet their expectations and then berated and humiliated and denigrated me before calling me worthless and throwing me out like garbage.

If I could do it all over again, I'd tell everyone to go fuck themselves and just go do what I wanted to do with myself instead. I'm living proof that living for the approval of others destroys you. So whatever you have to do to get by, but make it your mission to live on your own terms. Fuck everyone who tells you who you should be. You know better than they ever will.